Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Take Me To Your . . . No, Just Get Me The Hell Out Of Here!

If an alien scout came to Earth, I wonder what he (she?it?) would make of all our churches, temples, cathedrals, shrines, and religious rituals. What were those strange symbols, incantations, costumes, elaborate rites about? And I'm sure that a Catholic mass would seem every bit as bizarre as the wildest, drum-driven ceremony in the African bush or along the Amazon. Men beating their heads against a wall in Jerusalem, raving in non-languages and tossing around snakes in Appalachia--what the fuck! [alien equivalent]

Then imagine this visitors's further bewilderment upon discovering that nearly all our mass killings and wars were connected to these baffling institutions.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Mother Knows Best

Demonstrating again her serious presidential potential, Sarah Palin has bravely confronted the tyrannical Obama administration in defense of the American Way.

Yes, Sarah, as Americans we have the right to raise fat, unhealthy children--just as you had the right to raise two juvenile delinquents and an unwed teenage mother.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

All Is Calm, All Is Bright

A good Christmas. Second one in a row without ever once hearing any version of "The Little Drummer Boy" or Aaron Neville singing "Silent Night." Yes!

I did enjoy a nice version of the "Nutcracker." When it comes to this subject I must admit being a bit (shudder) conservative. Don't make me turn in my Progressive card, but I definitely favor classical ballet over modern dance. Sorry. I just find graceful leaps and spins accompanied by catchy tunes more appealing than quirky, mime-like posturing set to overly-intellectualized music that often sounds to me like an orchestra being kicked down a flight of stairs.

. . . and to all a good night.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Miracle On E. Capitol St. N.E.

In a surprise outpouring of Christmas spirit, the Senate is suspending Tea-had against the president to ratify the new nuclear arms treaty with Russia.
Die-hard Scrooges minority leader McConnell and his gang continue to oppose this "irresponsible" treaty. That's right, Mitch, reducing our nuclear arms to the potential for destroying the world merely 15 times instead of 20 is definitely irresponsible. Hey, sometimes you just have to go out on a limb to promote world peace.

Silent fucking night! Pass the organic cage-free eggnog.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Flying Virgins, Reindeer Healing The Sick, Whatever

If an alien scout came to Earth during the Christmas season, I wonder which character he would find harder to swallow--Jesus or Santa Claus.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Fast-Food For Thought

Here's a question for McCain, McConnell, and all our other conservative McSenators still blathering about the non-problem of gay sodiers:
In the history of the U.S. military, with all the thousands of gays that have served, how many cases have there been of same-sex sexual harassment? How many cases of male-on-female harassment and actual rape?

34% of active-duty female soldiers have reported being sexually harassed. (!)
If our McSenators want a big fat Super-Sized Happy Meal of a problem to tackle, HOW ABOUT THAT ONE?

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Every Time A Working-Class American Is Screwed, An Angel Gets Its Wings

"Never give a sucker an even break." --W.C. Fields

It looks like the 237 millionaires who comprise 44% of Congress (opposed to 1% of the general public) are going to succeed in voting themselves a nice tax break.
I guess that the 99% of us who will be thrown a crumb are "collateral damage" in the class war being waged by our wealthy lawmakers.

And here's the best part--as soon as the new tax law passes, the millionaire assclowns who benefit the most are going to scream their heads off about how Obama has added another trillion to the deficit. Just wait and see.

The mathematics here is fascinating:
If you give a million working slobs one dollar apiece, that adds one million dollars to the deficit.
If you give one rich guy a million dollars, that's a million dollars invested in the economy.

60% of Americans believe in angels, 30% believe in Evolution. Can you blame the Washington shysters for attempting such obvious cons?

Friday, December 10, 2010

Comparative Religion

I see that the State Department is concerned over the growing number of Latinos turning to radical Islam. Is this really surprising? When it comes to being an enabler for mayhem, Allah has Jesus beat all to hell. No contest.
If a government thug in South America murders some innocent citizens, he faces the inconvenience of going to church and confessing his deed so that the gates of Paradise will remain open to him. What a hassle! A Muslim jihadist committing a similar crime can claim a heavenly reward without all that trouble. And, of course, if he sacrifices his life, a bevy of virgins awaits. (I'm still curious about what all those female suicide bombers get--other than release from a society that considers women second-class humans on earth and sex objects in heaven.)
So, if you're a sick fuck shopping for an absurd religious fantasy to aid your homicidal ambitions, the choice is clear. Don't sell yourself short. Allahu Akbar!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Paradise Lost

The mid-term elections were called a referendum on Obama, but I think that they were more of a referendum on the American people. And the results are simple--this country is just plain too conservative to permit any rapid change.
A liberal president taking office with a majority in both houses of Congress and what do we have to show for it? An expanded war and our wealthiest citizens given 2 more years to rob us blind.

We poke fun at the Tea Party but look at what they've accomplished. Obama and my fellow progressives have blown it again. In this Bible-thumping, greed-driven nation, I'm afraid that 2 steps forward and 3 back might be all we can ever hope for.

But at least were facing the Willie Nelson problem head on. What a joke! It's too bad Osama bin Laden isn't wanted for pot smoking--he'd be in Guantanamo Bay tomorrow. Say, didn't Obama promise to close down . . . OH FUCK, DON'T GET ME STARTED!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Watch Where You Step, We're About To Be Trickled On Again

If an alien scout came to Earth to examine the human race, I think he would conclude that a government was the human institution tasked with keeping the rich rich and the poor poor.
There is nothing in the current tax debate by our Republican congressmen that would contradict this impression.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Hell, I Would Have Been Satisfied With The Moon And A Few Constellations To Gaze At

Astronomers announced yesterday that the universe appears to be even bigger than had been thought--zillions and zillions of new stars, planets, galaxies.
Here's my question for the fundamentalists who believe that Man is the center of the universe and who accept the Biblical version of creation:
What did God put all that other stuff out there for?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

More Intelligence, Fewer Gadgets

America's stubborn faith in technology as the solution to all problems is weakening our security.
We're pouring billions into airport screening devices and a missile shield, but it's good intelligence that recently thwarted the Portland bomber and probably could have prevented the 9/11 attack.
Our "experts" have x-ray and missile technology, so they have decided that the next attack can only be by airliner or missile--it will almost certainly be by neither.

I don't know how the next attack will be carried out, but I do know that bin Laden was laughing his ass off last week when we wasted another billion on a "Star Wars" test while an imposter infiltrated a conference in Afghanistan.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Marines Join Effort To Hand Al-Qaida Another Victory--Semper Fi!

Will the non-issue of gays in the military ever go away? This absurd debate may have reached its limit this weekend with a Marine Corps spokesman claiming that gay soldiers would prompt attacks from our fiercely anti-gay enemies in the Middle East.

Christ on a duck! We've let a handful of thugs dictate how we travel and what we can put in a fucking cartoon. Now we're going to let them influence how we man our military?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

We're Number One!

They don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Russia, but this Turkey Day the Russians definitely have something to be thankful for.
Tomorrow, the U.S. will finally surpass Russia's 9-year-and-50-day military adventure in Afghanistan--thus relieving that country of holding the record for waging the longest unwinnable war of the 20th Century.
Happy Thanksgiving, Boris.

And Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who wants to see us bring home the troops and start doing things that will actually protect this country from its enemies.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Clueless Joe

Like any good reactionary, Joe Miller is doing his best to take us backwards. His claim that you can't vote for a candidate unless you can spell her name correctly is a throwback to the literacy laws that kept blacks from voting in the South for a hundred years.

Once again, the people screaming the loudest about "democracy" and "the Constitution" seem to be the ones who understand neither.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

" . . . All We Are Saying, Is Give War A Chance . . "

Many Republicans have vowed to battle Obama on every issue. This unique strategy, obstruction for the sake of obstruction, may have reached its epitome with the Senate's move to block ratification of the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty.
The latest challenge to the president is being led by Republican Whip, Jon Kyl. (Senator Kyl has also endeared himself to fellow conservative assclowns by his efforts to block Unemployment Insurance benefits and to prevent the designation of anti-gay crimes as hate crimes.)

Okay, Jon--I give up. What does the Republican Party have against preventing nuclear war?

These next 2 years are really going to be hell for anyone in this country with an ounce of common sense.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

A Sure Cure

Here's a suggestion for the idiots who would rather risk being blown out of the sky than have an image of their body displayed on an airport scanner:
Next time you need to travel across the country, take a Greyhound or Trailways bus.

Rather than face such a journey again, I am certain that the world's most modest traveller would happily submit to a full body-cavity-strip-search in front of an entire airport.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Well, At Least She Probably Won't Lynch Anyone

Congratulations, Lisa--now please SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Alaskan progressives are sick of being reminded that they will enter into history with the Ku Klux Klan (the group responsible for electing the last write-in senatorial candidate, Strom Thurmond.)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Probably Just A Coincidence

Our new Republican legislators in Washington have already begun their anti-global-warming rhetoric.

Consider this:
The supporters of the global-warming problem have a wide variety of national, ethnic, political, and religious backgrounds.
The global-warming deniers are almost all white, devout Christian, conservative Republicans.

Now, which side of this issue seems more likely to be a "conspiracy"?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

We Have To Kill "The Beast"--But Let's Wait 'Til It Fixes Our Pot Holes

Now that Governor Parnell has jumped through all the required Tea Party hoops like a good little boy and gotten himself elected, I wonder how many federal funds he will actually reject.

Parnell, with the rest of his neo-con mob, makes it sound as if personal entitlements are all we receive from the federal government. Apparently he never drives on a highway, flushes a toilet, or travels by plane.

Monday, November 15, 2010

"Cancel My Board Meeting--I've Decided To Move To Skid Row And Become A Heroin Addict"

The horror stories keep pouring in, and we still won't face reality. The obvious way to end the drug-war disaster on the Mexican border (unless you haven't awakened from the self-righteous, masochistic spell put upon this nation by the Puritan perverts who first polluted its shores) is to LEGALIZE THE FUCKING DRUGS.

At the start of the last century, most currently illegal drugs were legal. Cocaine and opium-based narcotics could be purchased over-the-counter. Marijuana was bought and sold openly.
Did this result in a nation of useless drug addicts? Actually, it was one of the most creative and productive periods in American history.
As with alcohol, some citizens will always succumb to drugs. Most will not. Legality just isn't a factor.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Alaskans Hold Their Noses And Show Their Love For Lisa Murkowski

It looks like this horrible election is finally over. I really hope so. I also hope that Lisa will appreciate her incredible good luck, show some self-respect and respect for her constituents, and just shut the fuck up.
Her election was no "mandate." If the Republican Party had backed an even halfway decent candidate instead of a total assclown she would have been clobbered. The only purpose to her being elected was the defeat of Joe Miller, and now she will turn her back on the Democrats that kept her in office and join the Washington mob whose only purpose is the defeat of Barack Obama.
The whole thing is disgusting.

I hope that Scott McAdams will return to statewide politics. He's a good guy and made a good showing.

I hope that Joe Miller will shave and return to Kansas, in whatever order he finds more convenient.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dear Joe Murkowski,

It really honks me off the way you kicked that bitch Lisa Miller's scrawny ass in the primary and then she goes and gets her name on the ballot anyway. But don't worry, when I didn't see your name on there I wrote it in the write-in box and voted for you. I know that thousands of voters did the same thing and when all the write-in votes are counted you'll win for sure. Those commies down in Juneau tried to confuse us but it didn't work!

Principal xxx Johnxxx John Thompson
Wasilla High School
Wasilla, Alaska

Monday, November 8, 2010

To The Media,

Your insistence on referring to Sarah Palin as Governor Palin is really starting to give me the red ass.
If someone sets out to climb Mt. Everest but turns back before reaching the summit, he is not a Conqueror of Mt. Everest.
If a runner in the Olympic marathon stops at mile 13, he is not known as an Olympic Champion.
If a student drops out of college after . . . .
Are you catching my drift?

World Famous Novelist
Joe Karson

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Progress Report

I really am trying to find a bright spot in our dismal current events. And I think I've actually found one--in of all places, Iran.
Has anyone been following the plight of Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani? The woman was convicted of adultery and sentenced to death by stoning. In a surprising turn of events, the Islamic Court has finally agreed to pursue a more enlightened course. Instead of being stoned, Sakineh will be hanged.

Okay, I said I was trying. Please excuse my extreme cynicism, but given the recent success of efforts to return America to the 19th Century, even the decrepit old mullahs of Iran seem progressive. Hey, you've got to walk before you can run. At least they're trying to move FORWARD.

Now if you will excuse me, the cocktail hour has arrived and I need a drink--immediately!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Don't Forget,

it's time to turn the clocks back one hour tonight. This hardly seems necessary considering the number of American voters who on Tuesday turned the clock back to January, 2000.
Deregulaion, lower environmental standards, higher medical expenses, increased military spending, unrestricted campaign donations, tax breaks for the rich . . . .
Maybe we should start another unwinnable war, just to make the leap backward complete.

The extra hour of bar time tonight is going to come in handy. The rich who are about to get richer again can continue celebrating a little longer. The rest of us can start numbing ourselves for the darker days ahead.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Miller "Refudiated"

Not much good news in yesterday's election--except the likely defeat of Joe Miller and a victory for masturbation in Delaware.
The country took a giant step backward, and Alaska certainly did its part by returning a criminal to the House and Big Oil stooges to the Senate and Governor's Mansion.

The perennial re-election of Rep. Don Young continues to mystify me. The man spent most of his last term fighting corruption charges. Famous for his rude, boorish demeanor, Young rarely speaks to the press except in terse, enigmatic blurbs that he characteristically refuses to explain. The latest is his proclaiming the Gulf oil spill to be a "natural" rather than man-made phenomenon. Apparently, what we witnessed was an exploding oil rig as it exists in nature.

At least, we seem to have shown Joe Miller that he's not in Kansas anymore, or wherever the hell it may be that handcuffing journalists is a winning campaign tactic. We unleashed Sarah Palin on the world, but, hopefully, we've announced that Alaska has not put out a welcome mat for every right-wingnut trying to start a political career.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

"Calendars Are Fine, But No Slide Rules Or Computers, Please."--God

Pope Benedict XVI has just renewed the Church's ban on contraception, proclaiming it to "deny the beauty of conjugal love." (And who would be more qualified to pass judgment on conjugal love than a celibate priest?)

Good Catholics will continue relying on mathematics for birth control, but must avoid chemistry and physics.

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Great Debate

Alaska's senatorial race is in the home stretch. I just watched a debate between the candidates and was left with these impressions:

Lisa looked and sounded like a meth-cranked fugitive from a bulimia clinic caught in the headlights of an on-rushing 18-wheeler. My God! If this is what running a write-in campaign does to a person, no one should mess with it.

Scott looked and sounded like someone you'd want to sit down and have 10 or 12 beers and a couple foot-long, double-bacon-cheeseburgers with. He should invite Lisa.

Joe looked like a cross between Pee Wee Herman and Bela Lugosi, and sounded like someone running for student council president in1953. States Rights? Creationism? Joe must have thought he was back at Drop Zone Security with his skinhead pals.

I honestly would have to give the debate to McAdams. He was self-assured, knowledgeable on the issues, and, given the company, should have scored big points for just coming across as a normal, decent human being.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

If We Truly Have Freedom Of The Press, How Can Any News Be A "Leak"?

"Patriots always talk of dying for their country but never of killing for their country."
--Bertrand Russell

"Fuck the civilians."
--Richard Nixon

Russell, a mathematician and philosopher, was one of the great minds of the 20th Century. He was a hero of mine and I quote him often.
Nixon was a petty shyster who lied and cheated his way into the presidency and then lied and cheated himself right out of the presidency. I rarely quote him.

The above quote was Nixon's famous reply (to fellow criminal, Henry Kissinger) when told that his bombings in Vietnam and Cambodia were mostly killing civilians.
Given the Pentagon's cover-up of civilian deaths in Iraq exposed by WikiLeaks, I guess that not much has changed since the Nixon days.
The talking heads will continue debating the propriety of the WikiLeaks publications, but my simple question is this:
In an open society, how can revealing the truth ever be a bad thing?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Dear H. K.,

The bags of you know what are you know where.
Death to Amer . . . I mean, kick some Taliban ass!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

My War Effort

Economists that once estimated the cost of our wars in Iraq and Afghanistan at $3 trillion, have now announced that the true cost is more like $6 trillion.

Let's do some math:
The pentagon claims that we've killed 40,000 bad guys in the Middle East. (Enemy casualties are exaggerated in all wars, but let's be conservative and go with this figure.)
This means that we are spending around $150 million per kill.

Killing one illiterate goat-roper hiding in a cave 8 thousand miles away in a country barely emerged from the Bronze Age who probably couldn't find the U.S. on a map and who poses less of a threat to you and me than a yeast infection--this, according to our leaders, is worth $150 million.

And now we are on the verge of handing the government over to people whose idea of "fiscal responsibility" is to continue funding this insanity by laying off teachers, cutting aid to the elderly and unemployed, and letting Americans go bankrupt to get medical care.

Some say that my anti-war position is unpatriotic. Hey--that $200.00 in income tax I paid this year went to killing .00000135 of one of our enemies.
Don't tell me I don't do my part!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Get "Stupid" For Scott

"The fundamental cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt."
--Bertrand Russell

Indeed, the intelligent voters of Alaska are currently full of doubt. They are in doubt as to whether a vote for write-in Republican, Lisa Murkowski, or a vote for Democrat, Scott McAdams, is the best way to defeat Tea Party assclown, Joe Miller.

Look: Choosing betweeen Murkowski and Miller is like choosing between testicular cancer and a sucking chest wound. Alaskan progressives (can you believe we live in a country where half the population considers "progressive" to be a negative label?) need to stop over-thinking this problem and become as "cocksure" as our conservative rivals. We need to abandon the lesser-of-two-evils bullshit and simply vote, as usual, for the most progressive candidate.
If we ALL vote for McAdams, he can win. This is our only hope for sending a decent politician instead of a fool to Washington.

Take the leap. DO IT.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

"Screw You--You'll Find Out What I'm About After I'm Elected!"

The arrogance of senatorial candidate, Joe Miller, is truly astounding. The man seems convinced that an endorsement from Sarah Palin and big bucks from Republican fat-cats are all he needs to ensure his election. He is shunning both interviews with the local press and debates with the other candidates. You see, Joe doesn't like people "prying into his affairs." Apparently, no one has explained to him that revealing his affairs is WHAT A FUCKING CANDIDATE DOES--that's how we know who to vote for, Joe. I guess he also hasn't been informed that roughing up journalists isn't good form for someone whose main platform is strict adherence to the Constitution. Isn't there something in there about Freedom of the Press?

Miller's recent endeavors toward self-destruction have given me some hope. A week ago I figured that his election was a slam dunk. Lisa lost her moderate base when she "went rogue" in the primary, and Democrat, Scott McAdams, lurched into the race with the charisma of a stunned halibut.
I believe that Miller's antics have helped McAdams. This affable, down-to-earth candidate is coming across better these days and he certainly has my support.
It would be refreshing for Alaskans to elect a politician that won't become a total embarrassment to the state.

Friday, October 15, 2010

"Aw Shucks, I Get So Embarrassed When Folks Find Out About All The Good My Organization Is Doing"

What do these organizations have in common?
-Tea Party Express
-Let Freedom Ring
-Americans for Job Security
-Citizens United
-U.S. Chamber of Commerce
-American Crossroads
They are all funding attack ads against Democrat candidates.
They are all officially unaffiliated with a political party and therefore required to disclose neither donors nor amounts donated.
(As of this blog entry, all Democrat attack ads against Republicans have been funded by the Democratic Party and, by law, are subject to full disclosure.)

-Spot Quiz-
The above organizations remain anonymous because:
A.) Their members are shy, humble do-gooders who feel awkward about stepping into the spotlight.
B.) They are special-interest groups that want to keep their identity from the public.

If you answered B.), I hope that you will be voting on Nov. 2nd
If you answered A.), I hope that your limousine breaks down on way to the polling place

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

"Spending Is Out Of Hand--It's Not All Going To The Military And The Rich"

These conservative talking heads blathering about "irresponsible spending" are giving me the red ass. They have conveniently forgotten that Dubya, with his phony war and give-aways to the rich, turned the biggest surplus in U.S. history into the biggest deficit.

Here's an idea: How about if all the comfortable, middle-class tea partiers and all of Dubya's rich-made-richer pooled their bucks and donated enough money to bring the treasury back to where it was in 2000.
Then maybe I'd start listening to this bullshit about "irresponsible spending."

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Everything's Fine

Our Republican governor, Sean Parnell (appointed after Sarah abandoned her job), took it upon himself to exclude Alaska from the country's new medical plan. (Nothing like having a non-elected official decide for you that you don't need health care.) Now he has rejected the federal funds offered each state to examine health-insurance practices.
According to Sean, everything is just fine the way it is . . . Yes, unless you're one of the 115,000 Alaskans without health insurance.

I'd like Sean to be with one of his uninsured constituents when he receives a $100,000.00 bill for a week's hospitalization so he can tell him, "Everything's fine."

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Dear Mr. Party,

Thanks for the input. My staff is analyzing your recommendations and will be forming a committee to form a committee to investigate the team that is investigating our policies in Afghanistan that are currently being explored by the team assembling actuarial tables reflecting the percentages of voters for and against the war in light of the outcome of our inquiries into . . .
We'll get back to you.

Barack Obama
Not Really Oval But More Like A Hyperbolic Ellipse Office
White (grayish with hints of burnt-umber) House
Washington, D.C.

P.S. Would you mind sending the Pentagon the exact co-ordinates of your "pad"?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Dear President Obama,

Hey man, I'm really digging this whole retro thing, like the phony war that no one wants, supporting a corrupt puppet government, putting down war protesters, but where's the chicks in mini-skirts? Where's the love-ins, be-ins, and happenings? And, man, you got the music all wrong. Where's Jimi, Janice, Jerry? Me and you got to sit down, roll us up a fatty, and I'll help you get your shit together. But, like, what goes around comes around, so we got to hurry up before this war trip starts harshing your gig.
Peace love,

Les Party
My Own Head, California

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Dear Joe Miller,

I love your plan to shit-can Social Security, Unemployment Insurance, and Medicare, but this new bit about leaving Minimum Wage and all those other rules to the states--that's the filling in the Twinkie!
If we can keep those niggers in the South from voting, patriotic conservatives like yourself would stand a better chance. I think we could really boost coal production in Kentucky and West Virginia by putting children to work in those cramped mine shafts. If we could just bust that fucking Garment Workers Union in New York, there are plenty of immigrant women willing to work in sweatshops for peanuts.
It's time we started moving this country FORWARD!

Red Baiter
Trailerview Estates
Wasilla, Alaska

Monday, October 4, 2010

Obama Hands Al-Qaeda Another Victory

Of all my growing disappointments with the Obama administration, my biggest might be over his support of Bush's wiretap laws and the recent hassling of anti-war groups by the FBI.
Are you shitting me? When the man promised change, I didn't think he meant change back to the paranoid policies of Richard Nixon.
Is there any benefit from these policies that could possibly outweigh the erosion of our civil liberties that American troops in the Middle East are supposedly fighting to protect?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

At Last: A Plan For Victory In Afghanistan

Let's do some math: The population of Afghanistan is 30 million. Now, if we could use our irritating presence there to encourage just one suicide bombing per day, producing a modest 10 deaths, I have calculated (allowing for Afghanistan's annual growth rate of 1%/year) that in 8,200 years the entire Afghan population would be eliminated--the country will have committed suicide. Our problems with Afghanistan would finally be over.
Yes, it seems like a long time, but I believe that this might really be faster than our current strategy of . . . of . . . Oh, that's right, we don't have a strategy.

Abusing people for fun and Prophet:
The Taliban are mere thugs using religion as an excuse to mistreat women and bully the general public. (Imagine that!) I genuinely feel for the people suffering at their hands. But as long as countries like Afghanistan are run by corrupt greedheads who deny their citizens jobs, education, and security, nothing is going to change.
50,000 American troops roaming the Afghan mountains and occasionally killing a few bad guys isn't going to change anything either.

Thursday, September 30, 2010


There's been talk lately about negotiating with the insurgents in Afghanistan.
Let's see how that might go:
"We will remove all American troops from your country if you will promise not to attack American troops in your country."
"There, I guess we showed them . . . Hey, wait a minute . . .

Generally, in a negotiation, both sides agree to give up something. The U.S. invaded Afghanistan. The Afghans have done nothing to the U.S. What the hell would they give up? What?

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

"Defending" America

The Defense Department was first called the War Department. I think it's time we restored the original name.
What has the Defense Department defended us against lately--some impoverished peasants in Vietnam, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Chile, Iraq? The vicious hordes of Grenada? GRENADA? I can't even find the fucking place on a map. Now we're being defended against a bunch of illiterate goatherds with antique weapons lurking in the remote mountains of Afghanistan.

I say, we bring back War Department. What does this agency do but keep us in constant, useless wars?
And here, here's really the best part--when America was actually attacked, our "expert" assclowns in the Pentagon with their trillion-dollar budgets couldn't defend us against 19 civilians armed with 79-cent box-cutters.

This country would be safer if we paid the Defense Department a few billion dollars each year to do nothing.

Monday, September 27, 2010

A Reward For Not Supplying All 19?

Our foreign policy supposedly centers upon;
1.) Spreading democracy
2.) Fighting terrorism
Accordingly, the president has just proposed the biggest arms sale in U.S. history (60 billion worth of jet fighters and helicopters) to Saudi Arabia:
1.) A monarchy with one of the worst human rights records on the planet
2.) The country that supplied 15 of the 19 9/11 conspirators, and that is currently active in spreading terrorist ideology throughout the Middle East

And we wonder why America's credibility around the world is shrinking.

Is there a better case for developing alternative energy sources than our embarrassing dependence on a feudal relic like Saudi Arabia?

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Thinking The Unthinkable

Maybe it's because I'm an Alaskan, but whenever I hear speculation about Sarah Palin running for president I wonder . . . Does she know it's a 4 year commitment?

Friday, September 24, 2010

The Greatest Lie Ever Told The American People (Again):

"If we don't fight them there, we'll have to fight them here."

Did our wars in Korea, Vietnam, and Latin America prevent hordes of Communists from invading America? No. Only an insane person would claim that such a threat existed.
Did these wars cause millions to be killed, maimed, tortured, and made homeless with absolutely no benefit to the American public? Yes.

Every day that our troops are in Afghanistan al-Qaeda grows stronger, our puppet government grows weaker, and resentment against the U.S. increases.
A gang of fanatics in Afghanistan is no more a threat to us than were the freedom fighters of Vietnam or Chile.
If the aim of our military is homeland security, bring the troops home where their organization and expertise can actually be used to guard the nation--instead of endangering it further by creating more enemies.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I Guess She's A Moderate Again--But Not A Dangerously Extreme Moderate

The Alaskan political scene has never been more comical.
When Lisa Murkowski ran in the Republican primary against right-wingnut, Joe the Wannabe Senator, it was strictly a battle over who could be more conservative than thou. Moderate Lisa suddenly sounded like Sarah Palin.
Joe, backed by the Palin/Tea Party Express, won. Now Lisa has kicked off her write-in campaign by calling Joe a "dangerous extremist."
Amazing! In her say-anything, whatever-it-takes frenzy to keep her job, Lisa finally got something right.

(For those unfamiliar with candidate Joe Miller: The man opposes every environmental law in the book. He wants to abolish all entitlements including Social Security and Unemployment Insurance, has declared global warming a hoax, and will not deny being a "birther.")

Monday, September 20, 2010


The resistance to that Muslim cultural center in Manhattan might be better understood if you consider that the proposed Twin Tower Memorial has remained essentially, for nine years, a hole in the ground.
I guess it would be embarrassing to see a monument to Islamic culture completed before the monument to our own.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

"Come On-- We're Allowed To Vote Ourselves Raises, Why Not Tax Breaks?"

Concerning the current tax debate in Washington: Maybe all senators and congressmen earning over 250K/year should be excused from voting on this issue.
Isn't voting to keep a tax break for yourself a conflict of interest?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

It's YOUR Mess We're Cleaning Up--And, No, We Don't Like It Either

I just turned my radio off in disgust.
To all the tea-party assclowns who are screaming mad about government bail-outs: These bail-outs are like abortions-- no one really wants them, but sometimes they're needed.
If you don't like the present administration's efforts to straighten out the economy, you should have thought of that when you voted for George Bush and his millionaire cronies who spent 8 years raiding the wealth of this nation to line their own pockets.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Maybe It's Time To Ask For A Raise

Well, it's back to work again with my solidly Republican carpentry crew. Someone has a radio and it seems like I've been listening all day to House Minority Leader Boehner blathering about tax cuts for folks making over 250K/year.

I make a point of never discussing wages with my co-workers, but as they are all supporters of Boehner and his cronies, I'm beginning to wonder if I've seriously missed the boat somewhere--if everyone else is making a hell of a lot more money than me.
Let's see now: To make 250K I'd need an hourly wage of . . . .

Monday, September 13, 2010

Just Crazy Enough It Might Work!

I was glad to hear the president express his desire to improve relations with the Islamic world.
Let's see now, how can we do that . . . ? Hey, here's an idea: What if we ended our invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan. You think that would help? You think?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Read This Blog Or I'll Start Killing Puppies--Cute Ones! Available For Interviews, Radio And TV Appearances, 24/7

Once again, I have to blame the media for the Florida Koran-burning "crisis." Of all the people in this country that could be granted their 15 minutes of fame, you pick this mororn?
Rev. Jones uses the terms "Muslim" and "terrorist" interchangeably. Because of all the mass-media coverage, Muslims around the world will now use "American" and "ignorant cracker" interchangeably. Thanks!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

"Hey Gang, If That's Fun, On December 7th We Could Smash Windows At Sushi Bars"

To the Florida "patriots" who want to burn Korans on 9/11:
Why not make the gesture a true symbol of your views by tossing a copy of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution into the fire too?

And you could get some blond-haired, blue-eyed children to march, maybe pipe in some Wagner, and . . .

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

"It's Easier To Rob By Setting Up A Bank Than By Holding Up A Bank"--Bertolt Brecht

Sometimes a few numbers are worth more than a thousand words:
In the past decade, wages in America have increased 3%. The price of a home has increased 21%.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

If These Were The Good Old Days You Would Probably Be Starving, Crippled, Or Dead

To Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, and all the other ignorant assclowns who want to go back to the "Good Old Days": THERE WERE NO GOOD OLD DAYS--unless maybe you you were a rich, white, male for whom it's always been a good day.
But what if you were a poor black farmer working 16 hours a day for a wealthy landowner? What if you were a maid who after a hard day's labor was told she had to stand at the back of the bus? What if you were an American citizen who was expected to fight and die for his country but was barred from hotels, restaurants, and washrooms? What if you paid taxes but were not allowed to vote? What if you were a Japanese or Aleut American thrown out of his home and put into a camp? What if you were a victim of polio or diphtheria? What if you were a resident of Dresden or Hiroshima? What if . . .

You never have to wonder when the "good old days" were. They're today--always have been, always will be. No society has ever benefited from going backwards. Period.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Working Man Blues

I'm back at work, and again I am pained by all the blue-collar Republicans. So many young workers who know nothing of the labor movement in this country. They don't know that their good wages, hours, and benefits were all won by unions--unions that, for the most part, were supported by progressive Democrats and resisted by the conservative Republicans they keep voting into office.
As always, I try to educate my co-workers. It's not easy--especially with right-wing mass-media hucksters turning their heads. But, as always, I meet with some success. I'm done with marching and fighting in the street, but in my quiet, plodding way I have the satisfaction that I'm still fighting the good fight. What else can I do?

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

No Way

I was glad to see Obama honor his commitment to withdraw combat troops from Iraq with dignity. This was war, people died. They will continue to die.
I suppose he could have flown in on an Air Force jet amidst giant flags and patriotic posters, and blathered about our supposed "accomplishments" in Iraq. But of course, there's no way any American leader could be dumb enough to pull something like that.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Backwards Ho!

Concerning Glenn Beck's Washington shit-show:
At least the man has finally displayed some honesty. To quote this king of the reactionary assclowns own words, "I want to bring America back to what it was."
What exactly would you bring back, Glenn?
Segregation? Child labor? Lynching? Exclusionary immigration laws? 12-hour work days? Black lung? Sweat shops? Back-alley abortions? Genocide? Usury? Mysogyny? Amos'an'Andy? Hymie 'an'Abie? "No Irish Need Apply"? Minstrel shows? Blackface? Indentured servitude? Sharecropping? Company stores? Religious quotas? KKK? Monopolies? Censorship? Blacklisting? McCarthyism? Rats in sausage? Tapeworms in diet pills? Burning rivers? . . . .

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Speaking Of Drugs . . .

If the Chilean government doesn't send those trapped miners all the pot and whatever other drugs they want, it should be tried for crimes against humanity.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

With Legal Drugs, Would 30,000 People Per Yaer O.D.? And Who Gives A Shit If They Did?

The solution to the drug violence in Mexico and along the Mexican-American border is obvious: Legalize the goddamn drugs!
That this has not at least been tried strikes me as absolute proof that the Mexican government and "honest businessmen" on both sides of the border are profitting by the illegal drug trade.

30,00 deaths in the gang wars this year--many of them innocent victims killed in their own homes. What could legalizing drugs possibly produce that is worse than the present situation?

Friday, August 27, 2010

For Starters . . .

There's a head game I like to play. I pretend that I have just landed here from another world and am making fresh observations on the human race. Judging by the current state of things, I belive that my first two recommendations would be:
1.) Legalize drugs
2.) Outlaw religion

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Hey, There's No Commandment Against Water-Boarding--So It Must Be All Right

I love it. Obama is being taken to task by many because he doesn't make a public spectacle of his religious beliefs.
George W. Bush started one of the phoniest wars of all time in which thousands were needlessly killed, maimed, and tortured. But he goes to church every Sunday, so he is considered by good Christians to be a righteous man.

Obama doesn't go to church. Therefore, clearly he is a heathen.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

"Praise Allah, The Flood Didn't Damage Any Missiles. Pass The Grass."

One of our supposed allies, Pakistan, is currently experiencing an immense natural disaster. Its leadership is so corrupt and uncaring that millions of Pakistani flood victims have no food or water. What they do have plenty of is: Nuclear Missiles.

Pakistan's former president, Ali Bhutto, famously proclaimed, "We'll get the bomb if my people have to eat grass."
Now they scarcely have that. And the U.S. will lead the world in coming to Pakistan's aid while its government officials sit on their hands in their mansions. They know that fear of Muslim extremists taking advantage of the crisis will ensure our help.

These are our "friends" in the Middle East.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

"I Pledge Allegiance . . . . . . With Liberty For Some And Guns For All"

You've just got to sit back and laugh. Our patriotic assclowns have gone from cherry-picking the Bible to cherry-picking the Constitution.
They can read hundreds of pages of Scripture with nothing registering but "homosexuality is a no-no."
Similarly, they can read the entire Constitution and retain only that we have "the right to bear arms." Freedom of speech? Freedom of religion? The Fourteenth Amendment? These can be swept under the rug when convenient. The Second Amendment alone is chiseled in stone for our God-and-Country reactionaries.
These sheep would sacrifice every principle that this country was founded on if the NRA said it was okay.

Friday, August 20, 2010

With Patriots Like These, Who Needs Enemies?

Well, once again, our conservative "patriots" have become an embarrassment to the country. How can these people not see that denying full religious freedom to American Muslims is another victory for the terrorists? Every time we compromise our own values, they win. The Bush administration handed anti-American terrorists a victory by sanctioning torture--now some of our leaders would hand them another victory by forsaking the Bill of Rights.
It's hard to believe that Newt Gingrich, a presidential hopeful, would actually deny First Amendment rights to some Americans.
American Muslims must be feeling the way German Jews felt during Hitler's rise to power.

Concerning that proposed mosque in Manhattan, it's certainly a relief to see that Obama has ignored political pressure and taken the high road.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Bring Back The Draft, Establish A "War Tax"--Let's See Who Really Wants War

I am still disturbed by all those goddamn I Support The Troops stickers.
My attitude can best be illustrated by an experience I had way back at the start of the Iraq war. Some neighbors came to me with the idea of erecting an I Support sign. My response was: "Okay, what do you propose we do to support the troops." This was greeted with blank stares. Apparently, what they proposed doing was erecting a sign.
It seemed to me then and still does now that any such advertisement should have to be earned. In other words, if you claim to support the troops, you should have to actually do something to support the troops: Enlist in the military, join the Red Cross, take a 2nd job in a defense plant, give blood, donate money, send care packages, volunteer with the USO--something.

How will we ever stop our involvement in these insane, unwinnable wars if the only "sacrifice" most Americans need to make is sticking a fucking ribbon on the family car?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Dear Press Secretary Gibbs,

I would love to vote for Dennis Kucinich. The man is brilliant and possibly the only true progressive in Washington. I hope he runs for president again. If Kucinich were in the White House, I doubt that we'd have to deal with arrogant assholes like yourself.
A progressive Democrat who is beginning to seriously wonder why he should support the present administration in the next election.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Future Candidates Vow Not To Pull Out

The news that Levi Johnston will be running for mayor of Wasilla is being well received around here. Hopefully, the resourceful Mr. Johnston has started a proud new Alaskan tradition:
Whoever knocks up one of Sarah Palin's daughters gets to be mayor of Wasilla.

Since Bristol's 2 sisters, Willow and Piper are coming of age (rumors of a 4th sister, Cessna, can't be confirmed) we can rest assured that the jewel of Alaska, Wasilla, should be in good hands for years to come.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

A Little Oil Will Just Make 'Em Slide Down Easier

Concerning those ads reassuring us about Gulf seafood:
Are you shitting me? This is America--if your body can survive a double-bacon-cheeseburger washed down with a mixture of corn syrup and coal-tar derivatives, surely it can handle a shrimp that may have done the backstroke through an oil sheen.
Support those Louisiana fishermen. Bon appetit!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Plugging Offensive Orifices

I just can't help it. Every time I hear references to BP ramming mud and cement down into a poison-spewing hole, fantasies involving Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and Bill O'Reilly float through my mind.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Yeah, But Does China Have Online Chat Rooms For Pets, Or Drive-Thrus Serving A Hamburger Patty Between 2 Grilled-Cheese Sandwiches Instead Of A Bun?

We let the Japanese beat us at our own game by producing the efficient cars that consumers wanted while Detroit went bankrupt cranking out gas-guzzling relics.
Now we're letting China lead the world in the production of alternative-energy hardware--while we sit on our fat, oil-dependent ass, watching from the sidelines.

Our ingrained conservatism, plus our marriage to Big Oil and Big Coal is killing us. The innovative, pioneering spirit that once characterized this country seems to be now directed solely toward the creation of new forms of Fast Food and Social Networking.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I Have A Dream

I am sometimes accused of being a cynic, for merely describing the world as I see it--a world that I would sincerely like to be a better place.
It might surprise you to know that I have an optimistic streak. It keeps alive my hope that Obama will be re-elected, and, with nothing to lose, he will instantly:
1.) Remove all American soldiers and mercs from the Middle East
2.) Throw Dubya, Cheney, and Rumsfeld in prison
3.) Legalize marijuana
4.) Change the national anthem to "America The Beautiful." Or "Lou-ie Lou-ie" or . . . . anything but what we've got now.
5.) Have Levi Johnston neutered
6.) Support the right for all people in love enough to be married to get married, and for all people crazy enough to join the Army to join the Army
7.) Create a cabinet post for Michael Moore

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Okay, Where's My Helmet And Poster Boards? I'm Getting Too Old For This Shit!

According to the White House, these massive new leaks of classified material will "endanger our troops in Afghanistan."
Hey, Barack, do you know what is really endangering our troops in Afghanistan? Being in Afghanistan!

People keep asking: Is Afghanistan Obama's Vietnam? Well, maybe it's time for we the people to make it his Vietnam. The insanity of the Vietnam War ended when Americans stood up to the government and said, ENOUGH.
Incredibly, the government is making the same mistakes again, committing the same atrocities again, telling the same lies again--and now it's time that it met the same resistance again.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Just Give Me A Hard Chair At The Art House With "Casablanca" And A Pepsi

I believe that yesterday was a landmark for me--the last time I'll see a big-time Hollywood movie at a big-time theater.Italic
After my initial shock at the ticket booth, and having my offer to put a down payment on a box of popcorn denied, I was immediately subjected to a big-screen commercial for Coca-Cola--a company whose products I will now boycott forever. I'm supposed to pay for the privilege of watching a multi-national corporation's fucking advertisements?
Next came 2-and-a-half hours of explosions and computer-generated mayhem that added nothing to what might have been a fairly interesting 1-and-a-half-hour movie.
I'd had it.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

A Dilemma?

Health care, education, financial reform, environmental protection, unemployment benefits--and still Obama's approval rating keeps dropping.
Maybe it's time for the president to get behind something Americans actually give a shit about: GUNS.
The next time he addresses the nation, Obama should wear an NRA hat and a T-shirt emblazoned with one of its mindless slogans, a pair of six-guns on his hips.

It would really be fun to find out what Americans are more afraid of: A progressive president, or an armed black man.

Friday, July 23, 2010

The GOP: 150 Proud Years Of Keeping The Rich Rich And The Poor Poor--With Their Own Consent

After weeks of fighting Republican opposition, Obama has finally succeeded in extending UI benefits.
Our conservative legislators maintain that we can't afford the 30 billion that this extension will add to the deficit--while tenaciously supporting the extension of Bush's tax cuts for the nation's wealthiest 5% (which at 60 billion/year has added an estimated 3TRILLION to the deficit.)
Hey, you've got to draw the line somewhere!

The saddest part is that a good percentage of those receiving these hard-won benefits will vote against Obama in the next election because he doesn't belong to the NRA and he favors basketball over recreational machine-gunning.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

To Be Or Not To Be A Candidate, That Is The Question

Sarah has "refudiated" the attacks on her literacy by reminding us that Shakespeare also invented words. With all the drama over Romeo Johnston and her own deflowered Juliet, I guess it's only natural that Alaska's Untamed Shrew would wax Shakespearean.
Now that All's Ended Well in that department, Sarah can devote her full attention to that other Comedy Of Errors--her presidential aspirations.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A Potential Candidate Not To Be "Misunderestimated"

It can no longer be "refudiated"-- Bristol and Levi are engaged.
Along with Sarah Palin's re-invention of the English language, her welcoming back of Levi is a sure sign that she will run for president.
It is vital to her credentials as a social conservative for Bristol, Levi, and Tripp to be a traditional "nucular" family.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

More Than One Kind Of Tea

I'm not sure what variety of tea the Tea Partyers favor, but I was just at the grocery store and checked out the selection. I noticed that there is a BLACK tea, and a GREEN tea.
Maybe it's time that some other people in this country started having their own tea parties.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Fighting The "N-Word"

To newscasters, reporters, government spokespersons, announcers, DJs, talk-show hosts, celebrities--anyone with access to a microphone (and my ears):
L-E-G-I-T-I-M-A-T-E. Do you see an "N" in there? Webster lists no such word as legitiment.

There's no place like home, there's no rest for the weary, there's no fool like an old fool, and THERE'S NO "N" IN LEGITIMATE.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Your Move Lisa: Replace PTA With NRA? Abolish OSHA? Uniformed Tea Party Youths? Glenn Beck On Mt. Rushmore? Bomb Cuba? Invade . . .

It's really getting to be fun watching Republican candidates in their "More Conservative than Thou" frenzy.
Here in Alaska, once-moderate Lisa Murkowski is being challenged by Tea Party-certified, Joe Miller.
Lisa wants to limit the EPA, Joe wants to abolish it. He also wants to abolish the Dept. of Education, and privatize Social Security and Medicare. He has branded global warming info as "inconclusive" and refuses to reject the conspiracy theories concerning Obama's birth.

Let's see if Lisa can rise to the challenge.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Argentina Out Of The Closet Before Us? ARGENTINA?

Give me a fucking break! If the macho, crypto-fascist Catholics of Argentina can accept gay marriage . . .

Will we ever crawl out from the shadow of the intolerant, Puritan perverts that first settled this country?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

She'd Be On The No-Fly List

We have armed militias training for war with the Feds, Tea Partiers holding anti-government rallies, televangelists threatening damnation for supporters of the president, skinheads inciting mayhem.
What do all these people have in common? They are almost exclusively white Christians.
I wonder: Would these clowns be tolerated as much if they were black or Muslim?

As with the countries we invade, it's amazing how tolerant we are of people who look like the majority of us, and how hard we are on those who don't.

If Osama bin Laden were hiding in France, would we bomb Paris?
If the "terrorists" we've captured were Methodists, would they have been water-boarded?
If Sarah Palin gave one of her typical Tea Party speeches in a burka . . .

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Maybe He Should Try His Hand At Being A Cracker, A Yokel, Or An Okie

Wasilla Update or "As the Trailer Turns":
With his career as a porn star gone limp, Levi Johnston now admits to fibbing about the Palins and has been reunited with them at the family home.
It's surprising that Johnston, who has used his unique communication skills to describe himself to the press as "a fucking redneck," was not a bigger success in the Lower 48--I understand that what they need down there is more rednecks.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Newest Marvel Of The 21st Century--A Telegraph Right In Your Pocket

To the people who insist on sending me text messages: That device you texted me with? IT'S A PHONE!
It also has dots and dashes on the keyboard. If you and your friends really have so much time on your hands, why don't you send each other messages in Morse Code?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Some Good News From America's Number One Coal-Hugger

Coal-hugging extremist, Lisa Murkowski, has announced that the $300,000 she just received from various electric utility companies will not influence her voting in the Senate. Well, that's certainly a relief! Best news for Alaskan environmentalists since Exxon assured us that its tankers were perfectly safe.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Drive A Goddamn Tank If You Want--But PAY For It

This is some serious wishful thinking, but one solution to our automobile problems might be Graduated Gasoline Pricing.
For instance: If you drive a SUV in Manhattan, you pay $50/gallon; $10/gallon for driving a sensible compact. If you were a rancher in Montana, needing to drive long distances and dependent on your vehicle for work, you would pay $5/gallon.

Why should we all suffer because of the idiot who feels the need to drive a Hummer from his townhouse to his office?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

"I Know You're Hungry, But Our Millionaire Senator Needs To Be Re-Elected"

The battle rages over the president's plan for more spending to stimulate the economy vs. the Republican plan for more cut-backs to reduce the deficit.
The historical precedent favors spending (FDR during The Great Depression), but high unemployment can sure make the opposition party look good in the polls.

Once more, American workers would be sacrificed by the GOP to the conservatism that earns it votes.
What will provide more nourishment for the family of an unemployed worker--a lower deficit or a paycheck?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Guns Or Butter? Yes, (If You Must) You CAN Have Both

Well, it's been a busy time in Washington for our Republican legislators. They have successfully blocked funding for extended UI benefits and the "Race to the Top" program. This unique economic strategy denies money for unemployed workers (money that would go right back into the economy) and for the education needed by youths to find jobs.
Nice work, guys.

To my fellow blue-collar workers:
Look, I don't give a shit if every room in your house has a Bible and a radio tuned to Rush Limbaugh, if you have a cellar filled with assault rifles and a framed portrait of David Duke above your mantle.
How long will you allow yourselves to be screwed because of the lie that your Constitutional freedoms, including the right to bear arms, are being threatened?

Monday, July 5, 2010

How To Win The War On Terrorism--Part 2

Another of my plans is what I call "Operation Trojan Horse":
As a gesture of good will, we send Afghanistan BP to develop its oil fields and the Army Corps of Engineers to overhaul its infrastructure--then just sit back and let nature take its course.
After centuries of failure, this might be the one-two punch that finally brings Afghanistan to its knees.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Some Progress Worth Celebrating

So many strange twists in the short history of this country.
I wonder if Senator Byrd, when he was in the Ku Klux Klan, could have possibly imagined that a black president would be delivering a eulogy at his funeral.

Happy Fourth of July.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Thank God We Have Elected Officials Safeguarding Our Traditions

I'm glad to see conservative senators attacking Elena Kagan for her ties to Thurgood Marshall--the man who probably did more than any other American to end segregation.
If they're not careful, they might confirm someone who would continue his work by trying to end discrimination against Hispanics, women, and gays.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

A Close Call

The arrest of those Russian spies should be a comfort to everyone worried about Obama being soft on national security.
Deep under cover in suburban America, the secret agents were right on the verge of discovering Colonel Sanders' 11 secret herbs and spices, unraveling the mystery of the Infield Fly Rule, and exposing the molecular structure of a Frisbee.
I think we'll all sleep a little easier tonight.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

How To Win The War On Terrorism

I've been hard at work, figuring out different solutions to our Middle East wars. Here is one that I think might work. It has 3 parts:
1.) Remove all the women and children in the area to a safe haven.
2.) Let the men fight until they are all dead. (I am confident that if there were 2 men left standing in this part of the world they would figure out a way to kill each other.)
3.) Bring back the women and the children they're raising, and start over again.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Dear Rupert Murdoch,

Concerning your recent comment that "We didn't buy Alaska to protect the moose.":
Why don't you take the boomerang out from up your ass and your head out of your pouch and smell the 21st Century.
If you think that your oil is more important than our land, go down and talk to the folks in Louisiana. And what's with this "we" crap? Even a moose knows that your criminal ancestors had nothing to do with the purchase of Alaska.
Maybe you should come and hang out in my neck of the woods for awhile--we'll see who needs protection!

Good'ay mate,
Max The Moose
77 Antler Alley
The Land Up Over

Monday, June 28, 2010

30 Billion Dollar Question

Congress will be asked this week to okay ANOTHER 30 BILLION for the Afghan war. That makes me feel a lot better about not getting that extension to my UI benefits. I'd hate to think I was taking money from some homicidal Blackwater goon or from one of Karzai's criminal relatives.

Here's the question I've never heard asked: Why do the legendary warriors of Afghanistan need our assistance to whip the Taliban? Afghanistan, "The Graveyard of Empires," is the only Middle Eastern country never conquered by a foreign power. It's the only country where Alexander wasn't so Great. Afghans drove out England when the British Empire was at its height. They are the only country to stop Genghis Khan. The Soviet Union, with all its modern weaponry, tried in vain for 14 years to subdue the Afghans.

So why does the Afghan Army need help to defeat a motley gang of ill-equipped, ill-trained insurgents armed with antique rifles and crude, improvised bombs?

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Oh, That's Right! You Have To Do The Same Stupid Thing Over And Over Again For TEN Years Before It's Officially A Mistake

To Secretary Gates, General Petraeus, and all the talking heads who keep telling me that we haven's given our Afghan "strategy" enough time:
We've been there for nine years, folks. Nine. NINE. NINE FUCKING YEARS. N-I-N-E FUCKING YEARS.

That's longer than American troops were in the Civil War and WWII combined, longer than . . . oh hell with it, put in whatever math you want--I need a beer!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Still Confused

I have already mentioned my confusion over the difference between lobbying and bribery.
Accordingly, I was happy to hear NPR devoting an entire hour today to this issue. There was an impressive assemblage of experts and I listened carefully to the whole hour. I was left with this:
If a person hangs a sign on his door reading "LOBBYIST" he can pay a legislator for favors. If he neglects to hang the sign, it's bribery.

If anyone can further educate me on this subject, I'm all ears--or all modems, or all whatever-the-hell one is all-of on the Net.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

New Patient Taking Charge Of The Asylum

I think I join the rest of America in saying that I'll sleep a lot better tonight knowing that the president has chosen a new commander to lose the war in Afghanistan.

Fresh from leaving Iraq with a totally destroyed infrastructure, one of the world's most corrupt governments, a new headquarters for anti-American terrorism, and near constant sectarian violence, General Petraeus is now ready to work his magic in Afghanistan.
I feel confident that Obama has chosen just the right man to carry out our non-existent Afghan war strategy.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Hey, Karzai and Palin Support Him--That's Good Enough For Me

I'm not sure which has me more on pins and needles this morning: Our World Cup soccer match with Algeria, or Obama's decision to keep or shit-can General McChrystal.

Choosong the right commander for the Afghan war is like choosing the right captain for the Titanic or the Hindenburg.
Choose wisely, Barack.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Hands Down, It's Still Baseball For Me

Okay, I tried. I sat down yesterday and watched what the avid fan on the barstool next to me described as a very exciting World Cup soccer match. I'd hate to see a boring one!

What I enjoy about my beloved baseball is that with every pitch a hundred different things can happen. In soccer there's basically only one thing that can happen, and it seems to happen about once a week.
If I had to describe a soccer game to someone who never saw one, I think that a good analogy would be a basketball game where no one ever makes a basket and the referee decides on a whim who wins or loses.
The human hand is one of the most amazing things in all of nature. After watching nearly an entire soccer match (a feat made endurable by the fact that the fan next to me kept buying rounds), my respect for that marvelous body part is greater than ever.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Government-Cheese-Eaters Disgraceful Attempt To Take Caviar From The Mouths Of Halliburton And Blackwater

What a joke! The arguing in Washington over how to spend taxpayers' money is made absolutely humorous by our war expenditures.
3 TRILLION in Iraq, and now another 1 TRILLION for the Afghan war.
4 TRILLION dollars flushed down the toilet while we endure the spectacle of our elected officials going at each other's throats over whether or not to extend unemployment benefits.

These pampered assclowns don't think twice about paying a mercenary $1,000.00/day to fight an unwinnable war that has no conceivable benefit for any American. Paying an unemployed worker $200.00/week to feed his family is cause for serious debate.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Could Have Had A SURGE In Sane Foreign Policy

Listening to our generals in Afghanistan desperately trying to sell their insane war, all I can think is: What a blown opportunity!
Obama had the House, Senate, and an optimistic country behind him. He could have "won the hearts and minds" of Americans by just getting us the hell out of there.

I voted for Obama because I wanted change. Unfortunately, he has joined Johnson, Nixon, Clinton, and Bush as just another president without the balls to end a disastrous war.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Looked Like He Was Sinking--Now That He's "Shaking Down" BP, Maybe He'll Float

The verdict on Obama's handling of the oil spill by some Republican legislators reminds me of how the good Christians of Salem Mass. tried witches. The accused was bound in chains and thrown into a pond. If she sank and drowned, she was innocent. If she floated, she was guilty and burned at the stake.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

"I'm Sorry You're Being Attacked, Ma'am, But Your Debit Card Is Overdrawn. Please Feel Free To Call 911 Again When Your Finances Are In Order"

To those believing that health care should only be for people who can afford it: What if we applied the same principle to other elements of American society--for instance, public safety?
Should police protection be available only to those above a certain income level?

The social contract between a government and its citizens is broken when the basic needs of the citizens are ignored.
Is defending a life against disease less important than defending it against criminals or foreign invaders?

Monday, June 14, 2010

Hymie Rosenberg, LeRoy Jackson, and Pepe Hernandez Weren't Available For That Mission

I support Obama's decision to finally end NASA's costly, and scientifically irrelevant, manned moon flights. What's the point? We've already been there, done that. Half the world doesn't believe it, the other half doesn't give a shit.

My only question concerning our big moon adventure is: Was first man on the moon, NEIL ARMSTRONG, chosen for anything other than his name?

Friday, June 11, 2010

Get Yourself A MBA--They're Hiring More VPs At The White House

It's funny how those patriotic, rugged -individual Tea Party types are so terrified of socialism, but not bothered at all by Corporatism.
They don't mind that:
--Nearly all of our food is processed by 4 giant corporations
--Our health care is managed by a handful of monster insurance companies
--Our homes and savings are entrusted to a few "too big to fail" financial institutions

Here's an idea: How about we change the name of the country to The United States, Inc. Instead of a president, we'll elect a CEO. He'll have 50 vice presidents and everyone in Washington will be paid 20 million dollars a year plus bonuses.
Would that make you Tea Party assclowns feel better about having a federal government?

Thursday, June 10, 2010

But He'll Get New Street Cred With The Teabaggers. Remember, Next Time Around He Has To Be ELECTED

Regarding Gov. Parnell's veto of the bill extending health care to needy Alaskans because it does not forbid abortion:

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

"My Doctor Is Gouging The Hell Out Of Me, But The Slot Machines Are Honest--They're Inspected Regularly"

I don't know why there's such concern about "creeping socialism" when so many major elements of our society have already been socialized.
--CARS. In a purely free-enterprise nation of 300 million people would there be only 3 car companies? (That have been repeatedly propped up by the government.)
--AGRICULTURE. Federal Agriculture Extension Agents oversee farming in every state. They pay farmers subsidies when they over-produce, and pay others not to plant. (Remember the Soviet Union's Five Year Plans?)
--LIQUOR. Ever notice the federal stamp on a whisky bottle? The manufacture and sale of liquor in the U.S. is strictly controlled by the government.
--GAMBLING. Want to open a casino or race track? Gambling in this country is only legal when licensed and managed by the government.

You really have to wonder about a country that has socialized booze and gambling, and free-enterprise medicine.

Monday, June 7, 2010

"Thanks, Osama, I Really Appreciate It--But This Number-4 Gig Is Suiting Me Just Fine For Right Now"

I see that our troops in Afghanistan have killed Al-qaida's number 3 man--again.
Have I lost count, or is this the 5th time we've knocked off Osama's 3rd in command?
Given the inherent danger of this particular position, it's remarkable that men keep stepping forward to fill it.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Congratulations, Rush. And Thanks

Rush Limbaugh's upcoming marriage should offer inspiration to every man who has given up on finding a mate.
If an obese, 3-times-divorced, racist, sexist, drug addict can land a new bride, no one should abandon hope in his search for a companion.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Pipe Successfully Circumcised--Awaiting Condom

It looks lke BP might have finally done something right.
A newly optomistic spokesman reminded us today that there are several thousand off-shore oil rigs, and in 20 years only 2 major spills. Obama has quoted the same statistic.
This may be true. It is also true that sometimes a flipped coin will land heads 10 time in a row. The next spill could be--tomorrow.

Unless our present technology is improved, I don't see how we can continue with deep-water drilling.
Seems like a good time to me to get serious about alternative energy sources.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Or Offer The CEO Gig At BP--I Have A Feeling There's Going To Be An Opening

I wonder if the same thing that caused the oil leak could plug it: Money
Maybe the government should offer a billion-dollar award to any engineering firm that can come up with a solution for this disaster.
It may very well be that no solution exists--this would sure be the way to find out.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Trying To Talk Reason To Religious Fanatics Is Like Beating Your . . . .

With Israel much in the news now, I got to see some footage last night of Israelis praying at the Wailing Wall. This is where religious men (no girls allowed) express their piety by chanting and literally beating their heads against a sacred wall. Talk about a living metaphor!
I was also treated to some shots of young Palestinian Arabs chanting over their Korans.

I can't help wondering: Is there any hope for peace in a place where, for people on both sides of an issue, the mere memorization and reciting back of something passes for wisdom?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


18 months in office and Obama still hasn't cured cancer, stopped global warming, brought peace to the Middle East, or bred a pitless avocado. Now he refuses to dive to the bottom of the Gulf and plug BP's ruptured pipe with his body. Typical foreign-born, black communist.

My favorite new Obama basher is Bobby Jindal, governor of Louisiana. Right up until the spill, Jindal was screaming for more oil wells and less government intervention.
Listen to the man now.
Turning this heart-breaking national disaster into just another campaign issue is disgraceful.
Come on, Bobby--show some class.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Speaking Of Missing Links . . . .

My God--it's alive! Alaska's lone congressman, Republican Don Young, has surfaced. Don rarely bothers to show up on the House floor, and rarely speaks unless he sees a campaign opportunity. The Big Oil stooge and outspoken gay-basher has suddenly chosen to enlighten us with his views on a couple of contemporary issues. He has informed us that:
--The decision to halt off-shore drilling in the arctic is part of an Obama-backed liberal conspiracy.
--Homosexuals should be denied some of the rights enjoyed by others.
Thanks, Don.
Hopefully, Rep. Young saw his shadow and will crawl back into the 19th Century for another 6 months.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Anthropologist Discovers "Missing Link"--While Shaving

I wonder if Dr. Venter, while he is creating new life forms, could put together something with an opposable thumb and a large brain immune to thoughts of cruelty and mayhem.

Anthropologists have been searching a long time for the "missing link"-- the intermediary creature between animal and man. They may have overlooked one obvious site: the mirror.
It has often occurred to me that scientists are unable to find a missing link because we are the missing link. I think it is quite possible that future anthropologists will look back at the current version of Homo sapiens and see us as something clearly separate from "lower" animals, but still falling short of what a true human being would be.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Tricky Footwork, But I Think Our Athletic President Can Manage It

Among the lessons of the Exxon Valdez disaster--such as, the technology to seal off catastrophic oil leaks does not exist--there is this:
BP will do whatever it can to screw the Gulf Coast out of reparations. It has already started.

20 years after the Prince William Sound spill, there are people here still waiting for their money. Exxon has used every legal loophole available to stall on its payments--and the strategy has worked. Many who were owed money have died. Many have settled for lesser sums. Many, out of frustration, have simply given up and moved on.
If Obama has one "boot on the neck of BP" to keep them working on the leak, he better have the other one up its ass to make sure that the folks down on the Gulf get what they have coming.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

What's To Ask, What's To Tell? Everyone Is In--If You Break The Law, You're Out. Sheeeeeeeesh!

I can't believe that the "problem" of gays in the military is being debated again. This is a total non-issue. It's already handled. Completely.
-Is it illegal to be gay. No.
-Is sexual harrassment--including harrassment of a straight soldier by a gay soldier, or harrassment of a gay soldier by a straight soldier--legal? No.
That's it. All we need. Over. Done. Finished. Period. End of story. Good-bye. Move on.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

She Has Nothing To Hide

It's been a week of shocking revelations from our ex-governor. Based on her public statements, it turns out that the originator of "Drill, baby, drill!" who has proclaimed global warming "a farce," and whose family was supported by BP for 18 years is actually an environmentalist.
Now, this Fundamentalist, "pro-life" former beauty contestant who opposes all forms of contraception and who would deny abortion in cases of rape and incest, and who supports only abstinence-based sex ed. has declared herself a feminist.
I can only assume that if Ms. Palin were addressing PETA she would be a vegan, if addressing OPEC she would be a Muslim, and she would address the NAACP in black-face.
I'm sure that the tabloids are anxiously awaiting her address to the American Nudist Society.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Just A Matter Of Time Before He Invades Canada And Delares War On England And France

The Neo-Cons' blind, irrational hatred of Obama is so extreme that nothing they say shocks me anymore. In a recent speech, Newt Gingrich jumped on the "Obama as Fascist" bandwagon by comparing the president to Hitler.
Come on, Newt:
1. Hitler was a vegetarian--Obama eats meat
2. Hitler hated tobacco--Obama smokes
3. Hitler was a teetotaler-- Obama drinks beer
4. Hitler loved cake and pastry--Obama favors pie
5. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
6. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Holy shit-- it's incredible! Except for these few important differences, the two men are practically indistinguishable.

Monday, May 24, 2010

The Broomstick Is Passed

Move over, Sarah, Lisa is making her bid to be the new Wicked Witch of the North. Lisa Murkowski, Alaska's Republican senator who I once considered a moderate, has become a total shill for the Big Oil and Big Coal lobbies. She is currently waging a one-woman, tooth-and-nail campaign to amend the Clean Air Act. If her resolution passes, the EPA would be blocked from enforcing hard-won anti-pollution rules upon the nation's biggest polluters.
As we face our biggest environmental disaster ever, it seems hard to believe that any legislator would take such a stand. This is just another example of how far to the right even moderate Republicans now feel they have to move in order to be re-elected.
Hopefully, there will be enough votes in the Senate to stop Lisa.
And hopefully there will be enough voters in Alaska, come next election, to throw water or drop a house on our Republican senator.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

CSI: Gulf Of Mexico. The Show Where Criminals Are In Charge Of Solving Their Own Crimes

Call me naive, but after intentionally underestimating the amount of oil escaping from its damaged well, do you think that BP would exaggerate the effectiveness of its clean-up?

Maybe it's time for other people to be running things down there.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

It's Corrupt World Leaders Dine At The White House For Free Month--Pick Up A Coupon Today!

Jesus! First Karzai, then the spectacle of Obama wining and dining Felipe Calderon. A parade and state dinner? If it were up to me, President Calderon would have been strip-searched at the border, spun around and told to come back when he's running a government that isn't just another street gang.

Of course, we have to kiss Calderon's ass because he provides our country with one very important commodity--a peasant class. Without cheap Mexican labor, on both sides of the border, we would never be able to compete economically with the Chinese, who have their own indigenous peasants.
This arrangement is disgraceful enough without embracing Mexico's crooked leader as if he were a hero. And by the way, Felipe: Yes, many of your countrymen are given shabby treatment here. But would they be streaming north if they weren't treated worse at home?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Dear God:

It looks like You have a busy year coming up.

Glenn Beck will be holding a rally this August at the Lincoln Memorial where he will unleash "The Plan"--his new agenda for America that You have personally revealed to him.

In November, Sarah Palin will release her new book explaining how You inspired her to . . . raise a family of juvenile delinquents, sabotage a presidential campaign, and abandon a governorship to make some big bucks.

I know that Your ways are mysterious, but I can't help asking: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND?

Your humble servant,

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Quitter Ex-Gov. Jilts Alaskans Again

Sarah Palin has taken time out from her busy schedule of promoting God, Rupert Murdoch, and John McCain to endorse Arizona's new racist immigration law: "We're all Arizonans now!"
No, Sarah, some of us are still Americans.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

More At Risk Than Just Fish

With all our concern for the environmental disaster, it's been easy to forget the 11 men killed in the BP oil-rig explosion--an explosion that occurred while the well was undergoing a procedure by Halliburton. It turns out that Halliburton has a record of several such screw-ups, including an explosion last year that caused a huge spill in the Timor Sea.
Halliburton, of course, is notorious as the corporation once run by Dick Cheney--who lied to the world to start a war, who sent insufficient and ill-equipped American troops into battle and refused to provide decent care for our casualties, who allowed the indefinite jailing of mere suspects, and who condoned torture.
I ask myself: If I were an oil worker, would I want to entrust my life to a corporation tied to a man with such an incredibly low regard for other people's lives?

Monday, May 17, 2010

George Bush Handing Out Oil-Rig Permits. What Could Go Wrong There?

Well, Obama has finally man-upped and lashed out at "the cozy relationship between oil companies and the government agencies that regulate them." Thank you.
I wonder if the country being run for 8 years by 2 men in the oil business has had anything to do with that relationship. No, that couldn't be.

I said that the best show in D.C. is the Palin supporters taking Kagan to task. I believe that this has been surpassed by the spectacle of former "Drill baby drill" legislators grilling oil executives over the BP spill.
Look: These executives consider oil spills to be an acceptable part of the business. Their accountants have statistical estimates on the frequency of major oil spills (that have been remarkably accurate!), and the cost of clean-ups is factored into the price you pay for gas at the pump.
The risks of drilling for oil are well established. If we drill, there will be spills. Period.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Maybe We Should Pray For The Prayers To Die, But Then They'd Have To Pray For Us To Die, And Then We'd Have To . . . Ah, Fuck It!

Of all the right-wing assclowns, some of my favorites have to be the good citizens praying for Obama's death. They seek divine intervention to free America from either the president's fascist or communist agenda, depending on which of these terms they don't understand.
I truly support the death-prayers, as they are making the country safer. Every second these incredible fools spend at home or in church praying is time that they are not out among the rest of us doing . . . ANYTHING.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

BP Announces That "Real Solutions Do Exist"--Then Turns To Homer Simpson For A Daring New Plan

How many times will we fall for the same con? It seems like the Exxon-Valdez disaster would have proved that there is no technology for stopping catastrophic oil spills. Yet here we are, watching the Gulf fill with oil while BP tries to invent the wheel. Next on their desperate agenda is Plan C: The Junk Shot. This will be an attempt to clog the gushing well with waste debris, including "shredded tires and rags."

Amazing. We have the technology to let a soldier sitting at a computer in Nevada push a button and kill someone driving down a dirt road in the middle of Afghanistan. We spend billions every year to maintain the world's largest nuclear arsenal and a missile defense system so advanced it doesn't even work.
For saving the environment and the livelihood of thousands of Americans, we have "shredded tires and rags."

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Another Wise-Ass With Degrees From Oxford And Harvard--She Probably Believes In Evolution

One of the best sideshows in Washington, right now, has got to be watching the people who supported Sarah Palin for vice president question the competence of Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Attorney General Holder: You Have The Right To Remain Silent . . . Please.

It's hard to believe that a member of Obama's administration would consider diminishing our civil liberties with an amendment to Miranda.
The true test of an open society is how well it maintains its values while under attack.
If we are waging a War on Terrorism, why hand the enemy such an easy victory?

Monday, May 10, 2010

Assault Without Battery

Last evening, I took advantage of our unusually fine weather and went for what started out as a pleasant stroll. Pleasant until some particularly ferocious-looking bull dog came charging across a lawn at me. As usual, the owner came out and told me, "Don't worry, it won't bite." I always love this! These people seem to think that being threatened and intimidated by snarling beasts (that have been known to kill and maim ) is a pleasant experience. They act as if anything short of being bloodied and hospitalized is okay. It's not.
What I experienced was assault without battery. If a stranger confronted me on the street and threatened me with a knife, he would be arrested for assault. If someone threatens me with a genetically engineered homicidal animal possessing two-inch fangs and Vise-Grip jaws, I'm supposed to laugh it off. Does that seem right?
Those of you who feel the need to own attack dogs (by the way, they are doing wonders with penis enlargement these days), please keep them chained!

Friday, May 7, 2010

I Love White, Christian, Middle-Class Republicans--I Just Wouldn't Want One Moving In Next Door Or Marrying My Daughter

The tea Partyers believe that the federal government should provide for our national defense and little else.
Next time you get a chance, check out a Tea Party rally on your TV or computer. Then ask yourself: Do these really look like the people I'd want in charge of our highways, national parks, public education, EPA, and Medicare?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Smarten Up, Parnell--Or Are You Trying To Get Picked For A Vice-Presidential Running Mate?


Q. What is the one part of our health care system that actually works?
A. Medicare--the one part that is run by the government.

Q. What caused the financial crisis leading to the current recession--too much government control, or too little?

Some things are run best by private enterprise--they should be run by private enterprise.
Some things are run best by the government--they should be run by the government.
Is this really such an outrageous concept?
It's the model for every other successful democracy in the world.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Anyone Consult Rumsfeld Or Cheney Yet?

If all else fails to stop the Gulf oil spill, maybe we should try the Neo-Con solution for national tragedies: BOMB IRAQ!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Dear Pat Robertson,

Here's some friendly advice. You blamed Katrina's destruction in New Orleans on the profusion of homosexuality there. Have you ever hung out with Gulf Coast shrimpers, Pat? I have. I wouldn't suggest claiming the same cause for the BP oil spill. At least, not in person.

I blame the persistent Pat Robertson problem on the media. Why do you people keep granting a public forum to someone who is clearly mentally incompetent, insane, or, more than likely, both? Does anyone really give a shit what the man who announced that the Haitian earthquake victims "had it coming" thinks about anything? (That comment, made in January, set the bar for Asshole Of The Year so high that no one else has yet come close.)
Do the world a favor--let the next story you file on Pat Robertson (age 80) be his obituary.

Sunday, May 2, 2010


I'd like to thank Sen. McConnell and Rep. Boehner for finally deciding to allow debate on the financial reform bill. How nice of them to stop campaigning and start doing their jobs.
It seems like the least they shoud do to keep all those nice medical benefits they don't want me to have.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Silence Of The Shams

Sarah Palin and her "Drill Baby Drill" supporters have not yet commented on the Louisiana oil spill.
I guess when you're busy dealing with the serious issues of Creationism, Death Panels, Obama's Phony Citizenship, Marxism In Elementary School Textbooks, The Global Warming Conspiracy, Gay Marriage, and The Myth of Racial Profiling, there's not much time left for small potatoes like the nation's worst environmental disaster.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Bad Enough Without Being So Shrill, Baby, Shrill

Regarding Obama's negative response to Arizona's new immigration bill, Palin has accused the president of "perpetuating this myth that racial profiling is a part of the law."
That's right, Sarah--sort of like the myth that off-shore oil rigs are a threat to the environment.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Aren't These The Same People That Were Just Screaming About Obama Being "Indecisive"?

The complaints by Washington Republicans that we are rushing into health-care and financial reforms are maddening.
How can you work too fast to pass legislation that will save thousands of lives?
How can you stop Wall Street from robbing the public too quickly?

The knee-jerk stonewalling of the president on every issue has eliminated all common sense from the legislative process. It is unprecedented and disgusting.
If minority leaders McConnell and Boehner have such good arguments against Obama's financial overhaul, why don't they want a debate?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Seat Me In The Non-Clicheing Section, Please

Total failure at finding intelligent conversation at the coffee shop this morning.
I wonder if the people who insist on telling me that "Life is a bitch and then you die" realize how much they contribute to life being that way?

Sunday, April 25, 2010

A Challenge: Answer These Questions And I'll Join Your Goddamn "Party"

Tea Partyers:

1. If our current government is SOCIALIST, why has it provided 30 million new customers for privately owned insurance companies?

2. If it's FASCIST, why haven't you people been rounded up and arrested for holding anti-government rallies? Do you honestly believe that public dissent was allowed in Franco's Spain, Mussolini's Italy, or Hitler's Germany?

P.S. History books aren't just for burning--you might try reading one.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Face Wasilla Five Times A Day, Kneel And Repeat This

My ex-governor has just proclaimed that she stands for "Guns and the Bible!"
Hmmmmm. Doesn't this sound remarkably like the battle cry of the . . . .?

Friday, April 23, 2010


As usual, I am completely confused by all matters theological. Just when I'm convinced that earthquakes are caused by devil worship, I'm informed that they are caused by female promiscuity. What's a guy to think? I wish there were a good astrologer or witch doctor around here to guide me through this.

By the way, does anyone have a calendar handy? This is the 21st Century--right?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Endless Campaign. "Hell, I Don't Have To Think-- I've Got A National Committee That Does It For Me."

Parnell's recent decision was probably fueled by pure politics as much as anything else. He backed some progressive legislation (education, women's issues) in this last session, so now he has to show his true conservative colors--after all, he's facing re-election.

This is consistent with the concept of Constant Campaigning that is currently dominating our national political scene--to a nauseating degree. No one dare break with his party line and risk losing office. Campaigning has taken precedence over legislating and it's tearing the country apart.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Scary Thought

Parnell claims that universal health care will "cost us our freedom." Hey, Sean, without your health you don't have freedom, you don't have anything. Without health there is no Life, Liberty, or Pursuit of Happiness--oops, I almost forgot. According to the Tea Party assclowns, Thomas Jefferson was un-American. Jesus Christ, I thought Jefferson invented America!
You really have to wonder just what these people's idea of America is. It's becoming a scary thought.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Who Needs Sarah, We've Got Sean

Alaska's governor, Sean Parnell, just joined the other 19 states suing the Feds over Obama's health care bill.
This is personal--that bill would definitely help ME.
If Parnell has decided that my good health is a threat to his plans for Alaska and the rest of the country, he's right. I'M BACK AND I'M PISSED!

Saturday, January 9, 2010


It's been fun, but I've decided to focus my efforts elsewhere. If I'd had a glitzy web-site I might have attracted a bigger audience but that's not my way and, as usual, I've paid the price. For those of you who have listened to this small voice screaming in the wilderness--THANKS!

I really fear for this country. As jobs and resources dwindle, disillusioned workers will be driven into the arms of the demagogues in the Christian Right. Palin, Beck, etc. pose a bigger thtreat to America than bin-Laden but we will not realize this until it's too late. "Liberal" Democrats are as much to blame as conservative Republicans. Clinton's Free-Trade took jobs from millions of voting workers and gave them to serfs who have no voice in their government. This is how we "spread democracy"? Obama's bail-outs and Insurance Care has further strengthened the corporations at the expense of our workers. His foreign policies will keep us continually at war. The drift toward facsism continues.

I have been lucky. I believe that I got to see America at its best. I'm afraid that future generations will see America at its worst.

I am haunted by the words of Charles Bukowski: "We have everything but we can't have it."
Compassion is the greatest human trait, but greed and cruelty are built into us too. All we can do is keep fighting the good fight. Keep fighting. Good luck.

Monday, January 4, 2010

We'll Drink A Toast To Your Success, Dmitry

Brilliant! Russia's president, Dmitry Medyedev, has decided to fight his nation's alcohol problem --not by introducing reforms to improve the lives of Russian citizens, but by doubling the price of vodka.
It will certainly benefit the rest of the world to monitor this bold experiment. If it is successful, perhaps we can fight obesity in America by doubling the price of food. Cancer might be eradicated by simply raising the cost of chemotherapy. Stay tuned.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Too Good To Last

3 days into the new year and I'm still in a relatively good mood. I'm sure it will pass. Especially when every time I turn on the radio there's a newsperson telling me how we're starting a new decade. (Did all of these people flunk 3rd grade arithmetic? Is there some new way of counting to 10?) I'd also like to remind these same people that there is no "N" in the word "legitimate" and that "disconnect" is a verb. Ah shit, here I go again--it's hopeless . . . But you know, that steak really was good.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

A Good One

Well, the holiday season is finally over and it was a good one for me. I neither gave nor received any Christmas presents, and I never once heard Aaron Neville sing "Silent Night" nor any version of "The Little Drummer Boy"--both of which make me break out in hives.
Juneau, notorious for rowdy behavior, survived a full-blue-moon New Year's Eve without any more than the usual amount of drunken stupidity. Alaska's capital is equally notorious for its bad food, but on New Year's Day I was served a reasonably priced steak cooked to perfection.
All is calm. All is bright. Happy New Year.