Sunday, November 30, 2008

Let's Play: "Terrorist for a Day"

While riding on airliners, I often amuse myself by playing the mind game: "If I were a terrorist, how could I kill everyone on this flight?" Some flights inspire this game more than others.
After a recent, particularly inspirational flight (these are more common now that airlines have given up on passenger comfort and modern Americans have given up on good manners) I devised an absolutely foolproof way to murder every passenger (except myself) on any flight, which would be impossible for TSA to prevent.

Interested? I will reveal my plan in an upcoming entry.
Meanwhile, got any ideas of your own that you'd like to share?
Drop a line.

Friday, November 28, 2008

"We Deserve Better"

No shit! We Alaskans deserve better than a governor who uses her office to settle personal vendettas. The nation deserves better than a candidate who rejects Evolution, global warming, separation of Church and State, reproductive freedom, and gay rights.

And the clowns responsible for this ad deserve exactly what they wish for: A superstitious, Church-ridden medieval society run by and for the rich that is constantly at war, filled with sick and impoverished citizens subsisting in filth and pollution.
Too bad they want to drag the rest of us back to "the good old days" with them.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

That's Crabs and Herpes You're Thinking of, Ted

Looks like we're finally rid of "Uncle Ted" Stevens. Crooked lobbyists and TV comedians will be in mourning.
Exhibiting his usual clarity of thought, Ted has left us with: "JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE GIVES YOU SOMETHING, THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S A GIFT."

Hopefully, it won't be too hard on Ted's 85-year-old system when he's informed that losing an election means that you are no longer in office.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Mormons Lead the Way

Courageously, the Mormon Church is leading the new crusade to abolish same-sex marriage.
It's good to see men with 5 wives and 13-year-old brides taking a stand against unnatural conjugal unions.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Alaskan Aptitude Test

Q. What is the only thing in the world dumber than being 84-years-old with 7 felony convictions and running for a U.S. Senate seat that you're guaranteed to be expelled from?

A. Voting for an 84-year-old with 7 felony convictions who's running for a U.S. Senate seat that he's guaranteed to be expelled from.

Friday, November 7, 2008

She Ain't Sung Yet

I hate to be the piece of fruit in your trick-'r-treat bag, but it ain't quite over.
(Please refer to my Sept. 22 entry, or Harvey Keitel's warning after cleaning up the mess in Pulp Fiction: "Let's not start . . . ")

The Bush/Cheney gang is still in charge for another 75 days. These are dangerous men who have shown a total disregard for the image of America, the welfare of our citizens, or the rights of other nations. They believe that God is on their side, and that anything can be justified to advance their mission.

There is still plenty of time for Bush to pursue a scorched earth policy. Many opportunities exist to further destabilize the world and add another helping of shit to the platter he's handing over to the new president. Hopefully, there are reasonable men in Washington who can prevent this. Don't count on it.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


Finally, we can begin healing the damage of the past 8 years. It won't be easy. Never in our history has a new president inherited a nest so fouled by it's previous occupant.

John McCain has shown himself as a fool who valued his own election over the best interests of the nation. His ridiculous stunt of running with Sarah Palin was a major factor in sinking an ugly and dishonest campaign.
Ironically, Dubya, who defeated McCain in 2 Republican presidential primaries, helped defeat him again by his endorsement!

There is a down side, of course, for those of us in Alaska. Our governor is back, but at least we have a better idea now of what our sweet little hockey mom is really all about. There isn't enough lipstick in the world to make me see that shrill ditz as a beauty queen again.
I suppose it's better to "take one for the team" and have her here in Juneau instead of Washington.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Decidedly B.S.

Dubya proclaimed himself "The Decider." The only expression of greater ignorance I have endured lately is from the voters declaring themselves "The Undecided." Give me a break!

Americans are hard-wired to vote one way or the other, and most settle on a candidate the day he's nominated. The Undecided expect me to believe that after being offered what they see as a slice of pie in one hand a bowl of shit in the other, they need some time to choose. "Hmmm . . . let me see now. What flavor pie is that?"

Are there really people who would allow a candidate's slip of the tongue on election eve reverse their entire political allegiance? Voters who claim to be forming a decision at this late date are fools, liars, or both. My advice to them is: On election day, stay home and play with your Ouija boards and tarot cards!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Gosh Darn It, Am I A Socialist?

Dear Sarah,
I don't know why you're so down on redistributing wealth. That $3,000.00 check from the State of Alaska that you sent me this October was awesome. Free money for doing nothing! I should have moved here sooner. With those bucks you took from the rich oil guys and gave to me I'll finally be able to buy some decent weed. I may never work again. Thank you, peace-love!

Joe the Hippie
410 Easy St.
Anchorage, Alaska