Thursday, December 31, 2009

"Would You Like Fries With . . . I Mean, Can I See Your Passport?"

The media is having a ball with the failed Christmas-day bombing attempt, but the incident is actually making me feel safer.
The 9/11 conspirators were intelligent, competent professionals. If after 9 years, that pathetic nut-job on the Northwest airliner is the best excuse for a terrorist that al-Qaida can come up with, they must really be hurting.

Also, this incident will finally force TSA to upgrade its staff. Instead of employing minimum-wage McDonalds rejects to protect our citizens, it might now start staffing airports with trained professionals as is the policy in other vulnerable countries.

Let me wish you good luck in the new year--you're probably going to need it.

Monday, December 28, 2009

I Try To Be A Compassionate Person, But . . .

What a strange coincidence! After posting yesterday's blog I turned on the radio right in the middle of a news clip about a pedestrian being run over by a train. The story was presented as a great tragedy, as it truly was for the hapless victim and his family--but maybe not for the gene pool.
Since they can veer out of control and end up in unexpected places, people are often hit by cars. Folks have been hit by cars while standing on their own front lawns (especially when people like me are driving).
Since they tend to follow a set of tracks, the whereabouts of a train is fairly predictable and consistent. Also, they are relatively large and loud, allowing them to be seen and heard at quite a distance.
My condolences to the family of yesterday's train victim, but let's be honest--if it wasn't the train, wouldn't it have been something else?

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Too Bad Those Kids Weren't In A Car Or Truck

Now that some lunatic has tried to blow up an airliner just before landing, experts have advised laws restricting passengers--just before landing. (These are the same experts who recognized the danger of sharp things after the 9/11 attacks, and the danger of liquid explosives after someone tried using them.)

The logic here reminds me of the logic leading to the federal law requiring buses to stop at all RR crossings (even when no train is coming).
Ever wonder about that one?
Back in the 1950's, a bus was hit by a train and several children died. Congress instantly determined that buses must be particularly prone to being hit by trains (to the extent that they are endangered even when no train is coming) and enacted the law that is still in effect. Cars, trucks, and motorcycles, of course, cannot be hit by trains--only buses.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Yes Prudential, There Is A Santa Claus

Congratulations to the insurance industry for receiving the best Christmas gift ever: 30 million new customers--who they can continue screwing as usual. (Yes, they will have to accept the elderly and people with pre-existing conditions but there is nothing to keep them from charging these individuals, or the taxpayers subsidizing them, at several times the standard rate.)

Rather than develop the single-payer option enjoyed by every other civilized democracy in the world, Washington has chosen to stick with insurance care over health care.
Wealthy investors are already scrambling to by stock in the major insurance companies. In other words, Wall Street and the giant corporations have won again and the American citizens have lost.

Obama says he is 90 per cent satisfied with the health-care bill. This reminds me of the Los Vegas casinos that advertise "Guaranteed 90 per cent Winners!" They guarantee that for every dollar spent by the suckers they will get $.90 back. Not a bad deal compared to what just got pulled on the U.S. taxpayer.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Try Oslo For That Last-Minute Christmas Shopping

Obama might need a few Republican legislators to vote for his health-care bill.
Here's an incentive that he could offer them:

Holiday Hint: Those prizes make excellent "stocking stuffers"!
Merry Christmas

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Beware! Hard Times Are The Devil's Workshop

The "tea partyers" and the rest of their ilk scare the shit out of me--and they should do likewise for any American who has ever read a history book.
True populism has generally led to social progress. But reactionary, right-wing populism has always led to one thing: FASCISM--and this is exactly the direction in which demagogues like Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, etc. would take us.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

War's Good For Business--Let's Invest Another Generation

The U.S. is the world's largest manufacturer of weapons. We have a foreign policy that absolutely insures that we will be perpetually at war. Probably just a coincidence, right?

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Democracy, American Style

Obama's Afghanistan policy illustrates the madness of having only 2 political parties in this large, diverse country. If I wanted another warrior president, I would have voted for John McCain.

My representation consists of 3 people in Washington and 1 in Juneau--all of whom, nearly without exception, vote exactly the opposite as I would on every issue that comes up. (Yesterday, our lone gun-toting imbecile assclown congressman, Don Young, voted AGAINST a bill in the U.S. House of Representatives that included millions in financial aid for Alaska(!). This is the same man who wants to end funding for the NEA and National Public Radio/TV, and who proposed using tax dollars to add a bust of Ronald Reagan to Mount Rushmore.)
Ain't democracy grand!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Norwegians Attempt To Insure Their Own Protection

Well, Obama heads to Oslo today to accept his Nobel Peace Prize.

I can think of only one explanation for this travesty. Now that Obama has chosen to continue our policy of randomly attacking countries that pose no threat to our own (Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, Korea, Chile, Nicaragua, El Salvador, Grenada, etc.), the Nobel judges want to stroke our president so that he will not invade Norway.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Dear Grim Reaper,

So far this year you have taken my favorite actress Farah Fawcett, my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, and my favorite dancer Michael Jackson.
I would just like to remind you that my favorite TV personality is Glenn Beck, my favorite radio host is Rush Limbaugh, and my favorite politician is Sarah Palin.

Merry Christmas,

Monday, December 7, 2009

No Comment

Many are drawing comparisons between Lyndon Johnson and Vietnam, Obama and Afghanistan.
There is one giant flaw in this comparison: Johnson could not see how the Vietnam war would end or what its consequences would be. Obama has this knowledge.

Albert Einstein claimed that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results each time is the definition of insanity.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Tunnel At The End Of The Light

I had hoped for a change--a bright new light.

Where does fighting an idea (i.e. hating America) end? Every time we kill someone in a country we've invaded, we create a hundred new enemies. When we chase them they flee to other countries and spread their hatred there. Do we now have to attack Pakistan? Iran? Yemen? Somalia? Indonesia? Where does it end?

By escalating the Afghan war, Obama has only succeeded in guaranteeing that we will be AT WAR FOREVER.

Friday, December 4, 2009

U.S. Insurgents In Afghanistan To Instruct Afghans On How To Repel Insurgents

I keep hearing that we are needed in Afghanistan to train their soldiers. Afghan fighters are legendary. They have repulsed every invading army for centuries, including a Russian force that was as large and modern as our own.
What are we going to teach them--how to get rid of us?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

U.S. To Send 30,000 More Taliban Recruiters To Afghanistan

The insanity continues. It's all politics. In his effort to please everyone, Obama has squandered an opportunity to initiate the change that he promised. What a huge disappointment.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

You Want Me To Give My Life For . . . What?

The rate of suicides and PTS amongst our veterans seems to rise as the nation's support for our wars drops. Probably just a coincidence, right?

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

Here's a riddle to entertain your company around the holiday table:

What country has used the greatest wealth in the history of the world to create the mightiest army in the history of the world but never wins a war?

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I Sense A New Contest Here!

. . . . or Levi's mother's book: "Going To Prison."
Or Track Palin's book: "Going To Iraq To Stop Being An Embarrassment To The Family."

Got any more suggestions? Let's see 'em!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Maybe Her Daughter Should Write A Book: "Going All The Way"

Sarah's "Going Rogue" has finally hit the bookstores. Mercifully (and understandably), her book tour will not include Alaska.

Let's see now:
-Failure as a governor
-Failure as a candidate for national office
-Failure as a parent

What better credentials for publishing a book about your life?

Friday, November 20, 2009

Pissing In The Wind For God And Country

The "tea party" idiots are still protesting against health-care reform. This is nothing new. These are the same people who protested:
-Rebellion against King George
-Ending slavery
-Women's suffrage
-Extending equal civil rights to all Americans

What these people are protesting against is progress. And history has proven over and over again that they will always lose.
Every . . . Single . . . Time.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Which Do You Need More Often--A Doctor Or A Lawyer? Now, Open Your Yellow Pages And Compare The Listings For These Two Professions

-1st in military spending
-1st in prison population
-1st in number of lawyers
-1st in size of insurance industry
-37th in health care

Does this really sound like the country most Americans want?

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Insanity Defined

I still say it's all economics. Millions of impoverished men in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Pakistan have so little to live for that they will join a Jihad that supposedly gives them something to die for.

We support a corrupt government in Afghanistan which, through its failure to give any hope to its people, creates more and more "insurgents" every day--and we send more and more troops to fight them.
If this policy is not the definition of insanity, I don't know what is.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Zeus, Jupiter, Odin--Whatever Happened To Them?

An interesting theological musing:
All those old gods were eventually dismissed as the stuff of fairy-tales.
Why not expect the same fate for our God who is currently in fashion?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Quick--Do Something Stupid!

Obama's enemies are making much of his "dithering" over sending more troops to Afghanistan. Apparently, these people prefer the style of our last president who responded to the 9/11 attacks by rapidly and decisively doing the dumbest thing in American history.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

"Tell A Lie Long Enough And It Becomes The Truth"--Adolph Hitler

GUNS! It's all about guns. Whenever I ask one of my Blue-Collar-Republican co-workers why he votes for the the people who are screwing him I get the same answer: "Them Democrats are trying to take away my guns."

I need some help here. Will someone please name the last law passed under a Democratic administration that limits our Second Amendment right to bear arms.

Friday, October 30, 2009

" . . . Did Not Die In Vain." How Many Times Must The Relatives Of Dead U.S. Soldiers Hear This Outrageous Lie?

John Kerry is hardly known for his eloquence, but I'm haunted by his words: "How would it feel to be the last soldier killed in Vietnam?" We can now add Iraq and Afghanistan to this question.
There is no winning the war in Afghanistan. Eventually, we will withdraw and listen to more speeches every Memorial Day about how our soldiers in Afghanistan who died in vain did not die in vain.
We simply need to cut our losses and stop adding to the pain.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Levi to Expose the Secret of His Success

Word on the street is that Levi Johnston will be posing nude for "Playgirl."
This should certainly erase any doubt that the Palins' had about Levi's ambition or his ability to provide for Bristol's love child. And they thought the Johnstons' could only earn a living by selling drugs!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Too Bad He's Not an Illegal Mexican or a Hippie with a Couple Ounces of Pot--We'd Catch Him Tomorrow

The hunt for boogyman, Osama bin Laden, continues. I wonder how hard we're really looking.
Without Osama, there is less rationale for the War on Terrorism. Without a War on Terrorism, we might have to wage a War on Genocide, or a War on Global Warming--which would not be particularly profitable for the military-industrial complex.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Deja Vu

On the eve of Afghanistan's second phony election to re-elect the same phony government, I have to ask: Is there anyone in Washington who remembers Vietnam? (And the string of crooked thugs we propped up in Saigon?)
I don't know what the hell our objectives are in Afghanistan, but supporting a corrupt, unpopular leader isn't going to help.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

But She Underlined the Good Gay-Bashing Stuff

Sarah Palin is back in the news. Still the darling of the Religious Right, she is now starting her own political party. Apparently, not even the Republican extremists are religious enough or right enough for her.
Here's an interesting point to ponder:
If this were really the "Christian country" that Ms. Palin claims, none of us would ever have heard of her. As an inherently dirty, inferior person put on earth only to serve men, she would have been stuck at home cooking and washing as God ordained.

Monday, October 19, 2009

How to Gain Immortality: Come to Alaska and Do Something Stupid

Happy Alaska Day! Today is the anniversary of Russia selling us Alaska for 3 cents/acre (the current value of my globally-warmed swampland in Fairbanks). We take the holiday fairly seriously here--I even got the day off from work with pay.

Appropriately, I see that Levi Johnston is in the news again. Is there no end to this bullshit? Alaska is filled with remarkable people, but the media and film industry keep focusing on our biggest fools.
Have you seen "Grizzly Man"? Despite the tragic ending, most Alaskans consider this film a comedy. What an obnoxious assclown! I fail to see how anyone can get 5 minutes into this thing without starting to root for the bears.
"Into The Wild" is equally ridiculous. Some screwed-up kid rejects the advice of helpful Alaskans and manages to starve to death in a place that local bush rats would consider suburbia. Great story!
There are people here who, through brains and determination, have survived incredible ordeals in the Alaskan bush. Why doesn't Sean Penn do a movie on one of them?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Frustration Illustrated

Hey, let's have some fun!
How frustrating is it to watch American reactionaries resist a sane health-care system?
Sometimes (rarely) words fail me, so let me illustrate my frustration with a little "physical therapy":
While you're sitting at your computer reading this, lift your right foot slightly off the floor and move it in clockwise circles. Now trace a number "6" in the air with your right index finger and continue the clockwise motion of your foot. Good luck.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Must Be Doing Something Right

The American insurance industry has just launched a frenzied, all-out assault on Obama's health-care reform--a sure sign that he is on the right track.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Afghans Rejoice at Being Bombed by Peace Laureate

Obama's Nobel Peace Prize is fairly ridiculous. (There are many people sacrificing their lives for peace rather than just talking about it.) I can only understand this as the world's way of rewarding America for being rid of George Bush and keeping Sarah Palin out of Washington.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I Wonder How He'd Do in a Maze

I can't believe that Obama is contemplating an escalation of the Afghan war. With Vietnam fresh in our memory and troops still withdrawing from the mess in Iraq, he wants to make the same mistake again?
My god--a fucking laboratory rat won't push the same button that gives it a shock 3 times!
Is it too much to expect the same level of common sense from a Harvard graduate?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I'd Say That Clearly Evens the Score

I listened on the net last night to a fiery speech from some crazed Middle-Eastern mullah. He reminded us that Arabs gave the world mathematics and astronomy.
I'd like to remind him that Europeans gave the world silverware and toilet paper.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Threat-Level Colors: Our Best Idea Since Painting Faces on Helicopters to Scare the Vietnamese

The Dept. of Homeland Security has announced that it wants to upgrade the color-coded threat-level scheme. I'd like to offer a suggestion for the new scheme:
YELLOW--There might be an attack, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?
ORANGE--There might be an attack, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?
RED--There might be an attack, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?

Friday, October 2, 2009

Too Bad Obama Isn't Just Trying to Start a War

The Republicans and the special interests that they represent are right: No president should be allowed to rush us into something as important as health care.
A president should only be allowed to rush us into something trivial--like invading a foreign country.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Washington Conservatives Give Selves Vote of No Confidence

What an embarrassing travesty the health care debate has become. Our senators and representatives in D.C. who oppose any government-run options for health insurance maintain that anything run by the federal government will be wasteful, corrupt, too expensive, inefficient, and doomed to failure. Hey--YOU ARE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT!
These fools don't believe that they are competent enough to provide Americans with what has been accomplished in every other democracy in the world?
Considering that they have presided over the dumbest war in history and a collapse of the worldwide financial system in order to enrich a handful of greedheads, they might have a point.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Some New Rules

Looking at the current world mess, I wonder if some universal rules might not help. Here's a few for starters:
1.) Countries on or below the Equator or having an average summer temperature capable of cooking an omelet should not be allowed to govern themselves.
2.) Countries with heads of state under 5'6'' tall should be denied access to uranium.
3.) Any country with a population exceeding its GNP should be made to adopt birth control or a sensible religion.

Got any more suggestions?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Just My Luck To Be Neither

With Obama hating white people and his adversaries hating sick people, I guess the best thing to be in America right now is a healthy black person.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


"All of Obama's policies are based on his hatred of white people."
--Glenn Beck
Sorry to dwell on this, but I'm still slightly in shock.

I guess I should congratulate the Republican extremists. I had thought there was no way that I could be more embarrassed to be an American in front of my European friends than I was during the presidency of George W. Bush--you have proven me wrong.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Desperate Conservatives Break Out the Hoods and Robes

Had a real shock last night. I happened by a TV just in time to see Fox News assclown, Glenn Beck, explain that all of Obama's policies are "based on his hatred of white people." What the fuck! I still can't believe it. This is the outrageous, racist propaganda being presented to the American public as "news?" I had to check to make sure I wasn't viewing a Klan rally or skinhead march.

I knew that Republican extremists would react to President Obama with dirty tricks but hardcore race baiting is more than I ever expected. It is truly depressing that these people have sunk so low. What's next--Karl Rove burning a cross on the White House lawn?

Thursday, September 17, 2009


Hypocrisy (hyp-oc-ra-sy) n. 1. Ranchers, loggers, and miners using public lands and national parks for their livelihoods; farmers accepting federal subsidies while blasting government-run health care as "socialism."

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Stranger In My Own Strange Land

I wonder what visiting foreigners think of this country.
We have huge supermarkets with a hundred thousand different products--and down the street "health food" stores selling real food.
We have public schools in every community--and down the street public "charter schools" offering a real education.
We have bakeries and breweries--and down the street "craft" businesses selling real bread and beer.
Foreigners must find this strange. I live here, and I do.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Truth Is Where You Find It

Great quotations sometimes come from unexpected sources. Listening to the news lately, I'm reminded of one of my favorites:
"One death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic."
--Joseph Stalin

Friday, September 11, 2009

Why Spend The Nation's Wealth On It's Citizens' Health When You Can Use It To Start Phony Wars?

A wise man once said: "In a democracy, you get what you deserve."
Observing the current backlash against the president, I'm struck with the incredibly depressing thought that we deserve an ignorant, incompetent, dishonest fool like George Bush rather than a Barack Obama.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Executive Pearls Before Legislative Swine

That was a truly magnificent speech by the president last night. What a joy--especially after 8 years of Dubya stammering his way through prepared speeches that, apparently, he hadn't even bothered to read before delivering.
It probably won't do Obama any good--considering the corruption, the irrational forces of fear and pure hatred that he faces--but still, what a great speech!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Paris Hilton Has Gas, Levi Johnston Buys New Hockey Stick, Local Beautician Teaches Her Kids To Hate The Black President . . .

I'd like to congratulate the "liberal press" for making celebrities out of the white-trash assclowns who boycotted Obama's back-to-school speech. Juneau's own miserable excuse for a newspaper chose to feature one of them right smack on its front page.
Must our legitimate news sources join the supermarket tabloids in making media heroes out of the dumbest members of our society?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Embarrassing Day

Think about it--school kids needing permission from their parents to hear the president speak.
Politics? Bullshit! It's racism, pure and simple.
What an embarrassing day for the United States of America--and what a disappointing day for the rest of the world.

Of Course, With All Their Illegitimate Children, Ben and Tom May Have Been "Pro-Lifers"

To those members of the Religious Right who insist that this is a "Christian country": Try removing your noses from the Bible long enough to check out some history books.
Benjamin Franklin claimed that religion was "the worst thing to ever happen to the human race." Thomas Jefferson declared Christianity to be "the most ridiculous of all religions."
Do these sound like men founding a Christian country?

Monday, September 7, 2009

I Guess We Didn't See The Fine Print: "Unless There's A Black President"

You've got to love it! After campaigning endlessly for school prayer and "Creationism," on the eve of Obama's back-to-school speech the Religious Right has decided that "schools are no place for teaching values."
Apparently, reading the Bible in public schools (a clear insult to the Constitution) is okay, but a pep talk from the president is "socialist indoctrination."

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Welcome To The Coliseum, Here's Your Remote

Some things never change. Not when it comes to what entertains us. Watching a horrible movie last night, it struck me that one of the basic principles of entertainment hasn't changed since the Roman gladiator shows: There is a victim, and it ain't me. (The Romans sometimes brought a starving slave to their food orgies. Not being the guy starving to death enhanced the enjoyment of overeating.)
This is why crime, car crashes, and cage fighting are such popular entertainments. That's not me being murdered. That's not me being caught and sent to prison. That's not me in the burning race car. That's not me with some muscle-bound, extra-male-chromosome mutant beating my head in.
(Interestingly, this principle also applies to comedy. A hundred people walk around the banana peel--Charlie Chaplin steps on it and falls on his ass. We would be the smart ones that walk around it. We wouldn't be the injured fool lying on the sidewalk.)

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Hey Limbaugh, Can You Spare A Few Oxy's? I'll Go Easy On You For A While--Anything To Stop This PAIN!

I am in a foul mood. My back has been injured, keeping me in near constant PAIN, but the health insurance provided by my current carpentry gig doesn't kick in for another 2 weeks. So, I will be able to see a doctor--eventually. But for right now, PAIN.

This brings up an interesting feature of our medical system.
While I was unemployed all summer with zero money coming in and my meager savings dwindling, I was expected to pay out-of-pocket for my medical care. Now that I'm employed, with money coming in, my medical care will be paid for. This is the usual situation in our Alice-In-Wonderland health-care system--the only people getting free medical care are the people who can afford medical care. The poor and unemployed are screwed. Nice!

I'm facing a rough 2 weeks, but I ease the PAIN by imagining that I'm projecting it on to the fat-cat Republicans and ignorant yay-hoos who are fighting Obama's universal health-care plan.
Are Americans really that selfish? Do we really believe that only the prosperous are entitled to be free of PAIN? Shit! Here come the spasms--take that O'Reilly, here's one for you Palin, you like that Hannity, how does that feel Dodson . . .

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Have Another Helping Of Bacon--Your Cardiologist Is Putting In A New Pool

An attorney's financial reward is determined by the number of cases he wins; an athlete's by the number of games he wins; a musician's by how well he plays; an artist's by how well he has mastered his craft.
In America, a doctor is rewarded by the length and severity of your malady.

Do you think that this has anything to do with Americans paying several times more for health care than citizens of other wealthy nations and getting poorer results?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Maybe If He Sees His Shadow . . .

New information concerning the last administration's role in mistreating terrorist suspects has surfaced, and so has our former VP. Cheney has slithered into the daylight again to inform us that torture was sanctioned by the U.S. "because it's effective."
That's really good, Dick! Yes, torture is an effective form of interrogation, AND:
--Flying airliners into skyscrapers is an effective way to kill innocent civilians.
--Gas chambers are effective for committing genocide.
--Slavery is an effective form of cheap labor.
--Rape is an effective tool for terrorizing women.
--Cutting off hands is an effective way to keep people from stealing.

And turning America over to fools like Dick Cheney is an effective way to make us into the sort of people that the War On Terrorism is supposed to be battling.

Monday, August 24, 2009

"And The Award For Best Comedy Goes To--"

There's some great humor in the airwaves these days, but for sheer comic brilliance you just can't beat those ads by the big oil companies--the ones where they tell us how they want us to consume less oil.
Bravo! I don't think there's a humorist in the country that could come up with funnier material.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Who Knew?

Rush Limbaugh's racist, gut-level hatred of the president has spurred him on to a new low. Often accused of being a fascist, Limbaugh is now taking great delight in calling Obama and his followers Nazis.
Here is his "reasoning":
1.) The word Nazi is derived from the German words for National Socialism. (Early Nazis dabbled with socialism but quickly turned against that system. The name stuck.)
2.) Obama's health-care plan resembles the socialized medicine in other countries.
3.) Therefore, Obama is a Nazi.


Through Limbaugh's linguistic logic, we discover that, by employing one of the terms forming Nazi, the National Rifle Association, NPR, Nabisco, and Washington D.C.'s major league baseball team are all Nazi organizations.
Who knew?

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

". . . .Does That Star Spangled Banner Still Wave . . .?"

I am absolutely disgusted with Americans who complain that Obama is "moving too fast" and "taking on too much."
If the nation is facing a serious problem, such as the drastic need for health care reform, how can a solution come too fast? People are suffering!
Doing too much? Which of of the nation's problems should the president ignore?

Has 8 years of a pathetic mediocrity for a president coupled with the constant haranguing of Fox News government propaganda turned us into a total nation of sheep?

Our national anthem ends in a question.
I really wonder how long this land can remain free when people will tolerate huge profits for insurance companies over the health of their fellow citizens.
How brave is our home when we've become too timid to accept even desperately needed change?

Friday, August 14, 2009

Bulletin! Message Intercepted by RFG (Republicans For Grannies)

Heil Barack,
We've just about got the Juneau death panel set up. It's been a lot smoother sailing with that Palin bitch gone. The Eskimos have been paid off and they'll help us with the campaign to endorse their thing about sending old folks out onto the ice when they've become a burden. Christ, we've got enough ice up here to handle every sick grandmother in the world. So go ahead and keep telling the suckers how we're not pulling any plugs. We won't have to--not after operation Ice Walk gets started. Bundle up, granny!
Stalig 49
Juneau, Alaska

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Gone But Not Forgotten

Dear Sarah,

Thanks for telling us about death panels and all the other horrible stuff the government is going to do. We really miss you but there's still some other smart people here and they let us know about how Obama's going to make all white people get abortions and how they're going to put Christians and kids like Trigg in concentration camps and how we'll have to drive electric cars (my brother Trogg is real smart and he says they'll never make extension cords long enough) and how they're going to outlaw NASCAR and cancel re-runs of "The Dukes of Hazard" and take Hank Williams Jr. off of jukeboxes and make us eat sushi and drink imported beer and--Gosh darn it, it makes me so mad! Keep up the good work. Jesus loves you and so do I.

Gene Pooldrain
Trailerview Estates
Wasilla, Alaska

Sunday, August 9, 2009

How About Pulling The Plug On Lies And Scare Tactics?

Is there no end to this current avalanche of horseshit?
Conservatives are offering nothing NOTHING to solve the nation's problems--just fear based on outrageous scare tactics and pure fantasy.

Here's a fact: The Federal Government, through Medicare, has been handling end-of-life care in America for decades.
Has anyone ever heard of Feds walking into a hospital and telling someone to pull the plug on his grandmother?

Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Tines They Are A-Changin'--Get On Board or Get Out of the Way

The disruption of town hall meetings shows how much our conservative Republicans care for the democratic process. Their support for giant insurance corporations instead of health-care reform shows how much they care for the welfare of individual Americans.

President Obama was elected because the majority of Americans want change--and changes are going to take place despite a handful of reactionary thugs.
I truly believe that we learned a lesson from the backward-thinking Bush years.
Let the Palins and Limbaughs preach to their choirs of snake-handling yayhoos and "Birthers" on the NRA/"Pro-Life" Bible-freak circuit.
The rest of us are determined to move forward into a better future, and it can't happen soon enough for me.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Greediest Nation?

The right-wing's fanatical resistance to health-care reform (witness the orchestrated thuggery at town hall meetings) is not just disgraceful--it's depressing.
Every other affluent democracy on earth regards the use of tax funds for universal health care to be natural and necessary. Here, in the wealthiest nation of all (the Pentagon would hardly notice the price of health care taken from its budget), this is seen as a radical, "socialistic" assault on our rights. The right to be a greed-crazed asshole? My god, animals care for their sick and elderly!
I need a drink.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Welcome Aboard!

Congratulations! The world's most elite club of ignorant, bigoted assclowns has a new member. Along with the Holocaust Deniers, Moon-Landing Deniers, and Global-Warming Deniers we now have "Birthers"--the good citizens who deny that President Obama was born in America.

The Birther conspiracy theory is a gem: Some evil people forged documents so that Barack Obama, a foreign-born Black Muslim bent on destroying America, could become president. (Shouldn't they have changed his name?)

So, yes, it's all over. The America we've known has come to an end. Obama's policies are all designed to turn America into a socialist, Islamic country. Soon our women will be wearing burkas, our children will study the Koran, and the government will tell us when to piss. I guess we'll just have to get used to it.
See you at the mosque, comrades. Salaam!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The New Happy Hour

Dear Joe,

Last night I told a friend that he was stupid and he responded by calling me a "drunken asshole." I think that this was an extreme over-reaction. My friend disagrees.
Accordingly, I have contacted the president and requested that he, my friend, and I get together at the White House for a beer so that we can straighten this thing out.
After that beer maybe we can do a little Jaeger, a few duck-farts, and some chili-bombs. Next we could play a couple rounds of chug-a-lug, "shoot" some six-packs, and finish up with a tray of jello-shots. Then we'll let President Obama decide who's right.
Hey, no one's calling me a drunken asshole and getting away with it!

D. A. Smith
3rd Barstool From The Door
Anchorage, Alaska

Monday, July 27, 2009

Take My Ex-Governor--Please!

Anyone catch Sarah's farewell speech yesterday? Prior to that speech I regarded our ex-governor as just another ignorant, corrupt politician--now I'm wondering if the woman isn't an antler short of a full rack.
The speech contained all the big-lies and paranoid ramblings generally reserved for ultra-right-wing hate-jocks on a.m. radio.
According to Sarah, the present administration in Washington is "hell-bent on tearing down our nation"; it wants to repeal the Second Amendment, outlaw hunting, and turn America into a socialist country where our lives will be totally controlled by the government.

Sarah's recent outreach to the Democrats was instantly rebuffed. Republicans, trying to revive their party by becoming more "mainstream," are starting to see her as a liability. It seems that the only safe political harbor for Sarah is the extremist, right-wing lunatic fringe--and they're welcome to her.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Alice In Medicareland: Paying For Nothing--What's Wrong With That?

If people weren't suffering, it would be downright humorous. More and more Alaskan doctors are refusing to accept Medicaid and Medicare--they'll only take cash or bill private insurance companies.
In other words: Workers are having money deducted from their paychecks for government-assisted medical care and getting nothing in return.
And we still have fools in Washington who claim that the system isn't broken!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Hey, I've Got Mine--Screw You!

What a disgusting display--conservative Republicans equating the defeat of desperately needed health-care reform with the defeat of Obama. These swine would rather have millions of Americans denied medical care than have a Democrat succeed at his job--the job of making this a better country.
How can these rich, comfortable hypocrites have the nerve to call themselves patriots?

Monday, July 20, 2009

A Potential Victim of the "Bush Legacy"

I really feel for that young American soldier being held by the Taliban. He must be terrified, and rightly so. I think it's quite possible that he will not be treated humanely--especially when you consider the torture and mistreatment of prisoners sanctioned by our last administration.
It makes me sick to think of what that kid might be going through while Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld lounge in their mansions.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Please--Can I Get A Little Help Here?

I'm confused.
Bribery, the paying of a legislator for favors, is illegal.
Lobbying, the paying of a legislator for favors, is legal.

What the hell am I missing?

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Health Insurance American-Style--Paying Out The Nose And Taking It Up The . . .

For shear balls, you just can't beat the health insurance industry in this country.
Approximately 20% of its capital is spent on self-promotion-- currently directed toward a desperate frenzy of lobbying against any form of government-assisted universal health care.
In other words: 2 out of every 10 dollars paid in health-insurance premiums is not going for medical care but for fighting efforts to provide the sort of sensible health care enjoyed by every other civilized nation on earth.
We can no longer tolerate a system this corrupt--we just can't.

Friday, July 17, 2009

You've Got To Be Kidding!

I keep hearing news from Washington about a plan to provide almost all Americans with health insurance.
Please PLEASE tell me that the leaders of this nation aren't dumb enough to come up with a "universal" health-care plan that wouldn't cover every single American.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

"Hey, I Can See A High-Paying Gig With Fox News From Here"

Sarah Palin might be the only American politician--left, right, or center--who refuses to acknowledge the reality of global warming. Incredibly, she lives in the place on the planet where the effects of this phenomenon are most obvious.
No, you can't see Russia from here--but you can see the altered landscape, the invasive species of flora and fauna, the dying wildlife, the unusual weather and all the other changes that scientists predicted would make us the "canary in the coal mine."

Our governor is apparently oblivious to something else: the Alaskan law that holds a government official liable for ethics charges up to 2 years after leaving office. This makes her main excuse for ditching the state a year-and-a-half early--to spare her and her family from further ethics charges--even more ridiculous than most people realize.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Last Days of Ayatolla Palin

Well, 10 days left until Sarah sets off on her new big adventure. 10 days until you'll have to go to the Middle East to see a large, oil-rich state run by a corrupt religious fanatic.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Levi Reveals Palin's True Motive--Plus a Subtle Distinction in Wasilla's Social Structure

Levi Johnston, the young man who nearly became Sarah Palin's son-in-law, has offered his own views on her resignation. He claims it's all about money. While engaged to Bristol he briefly lived with the Palins and says that he often heard Sarah complain that her duties as governor were interfering with her making some big bucks--speeches, talk shows, book deals, etc.
Palin dismissed this accusation as "fiction."
In order to bolster his credibility, Levi has explained that he is a "fucking redneck," not white trash as has been commonly alleged. Thanks for clearing that up, Levi! I'd hate to think that I was trusting the word of some common white trash when I could be getting reliable information from a "fucking redneck."

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Stay Wherever You Want For The Next Two Weeks, Just Don't Let The Door Hit . . .

With only 2 weeks left as governor, Sarah just racked up her 16th ethics charge. Another outraged Alaskan is suing her for her insistence on residing in Wasilla and charging the state a per diem, rather than occupying the Governor's Mansion where she belongs.
Staying in the Juneau mansion, probably the largest and most beautiful home in the state, is certainly no hardship--unless you consider Wasilla's higher tolerance for political corruption, family dysfunction, and religious fanaticism. Apparently it is a more comfortable environment for the Palins.
It's really time for Sarah to straddle her broomstick and fly out of . . . Oops, I almost forgot! On Sept. 24, 2008, she was officially blessed against witchcraft in her hometown church. (see YouTube, Palin and Witchcraft.)

Monday, July 6, 2009

Something Fishy In Juneau Besides Salmon

The capital is buzzing with speculation over our governor's erratic behavior. "Bailin' Palin" was scheduled to take part in Independence Day ceremonies here but mysteriously was a no-show--even though she was in town and we later saw her watching the annual parade from the sidelines. She has offered no explanation.

Word on the street is that she's been caught in another scandal, possibly of a financial nature.
Personally, I still think (see July 3rd entry) that she may just be trying to grab some headlines for her presidential campaign--even though the broad consensus is that the "bulldog in lipstick's" new image as a quitter is politically suicidal.
It should be noted that right before her resignation speech she had been out in the bush with a couple of her favorite religious crackpots. This might have something to do with her sudden decision to "follow a higher calling."

Anyway, this story ain't over. There's almost surely something we don't know, and we're just waiting here for the other shoe to drop. Should be interesting.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

There's No Igloos Here, Either

One of the real joys of living in Alaska in the summer has been watching the expression on tourists' faces when they discover how unpopular Sarah Palin is here.
I recently witnessed a tourist couple storm out of a cafe when the waitress described our governor as "white trash."
I'm really going to miss scenes like that!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

It Truly is Independence Day!

Free at last, free at last! Thanks to yesterday's news from our governor, no one can be celebrating the Fourth like we are in Alaska.

I hope that all patriotic Americans will join me in giving thanks for the "left leaning" journalists like Paine and Franklin, and the anti-establishment radicals like Thomas Jefferson who created this country.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Soccer Mom Driving for the Big Goal

Wow! Just when you thought nothing more earth-shaking than the Michael Jackson funeral could grab the headlines.
Sarah's big surprise is not really that big of surprise here in Alaska. She turned her back on the state a long time ago.
And it makes perfect sense--a ridiculous publicity stunt launched her VP candidacy, so why not try another one to launch her campaign for the White House?
More on this later. Now if you will excuse me, I think I'm going to hurl.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Next Time Your Child Needs an Operation, Call an Insurance Salesman

Just heard an interview with a surgeon driven out of business by the insurance industry.
Another triumph for the American medical system--one of the most valuable members of society chased off by worthless parasites.
The surgeon remarked: "I don't see how you could invent a medical system dumber than what we have in this country."
I'm sure there are folks in Hartford working on it.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Okay--One Last Word on MJ. And That's It!

I have 2 questions.

MJ swore that he underwent only a single cosmetic procedure in his life--it was on his nose and for medical reasons. (Right. Making your nostrils smaller allows you to breathe easier. That's why they sell those adhesive strips to constrict your nostrils. He attributed all other facial changes to puberty--sure, lots of kids get a chin dimple after going through puberty. By the way, one plastic surgeon alone has 60 procedures on his records for MJ.)
My point is: If the man was that delusional or that much of a liar, why should we have believed anything else he claimed (about more serious issues)?

How did a man who so clearly rejected his blackness remain a hero to blacks?

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

A Good Read

I've just finished reading Master of War by Suzanne Simons, HarperCollins Publishers, 2009.
Ms. Simons, an executive producer at CNN, exposes our controversial use of private military contractors in the Middle East by tracing the rise and fall of Erik Prince and his Blackwater USA.
Blackwater has been the most prominent of the 170 private companies employed by the Department of Defense and the State Department in Iraq and Afghanistan. At its high point, the 160,000 civilian "soldiers of fortune" in Iraq equaled our deployment of G.I.s. Over 40% of taxpayer dollars spent on the Iraq war has gone to private contractors.
Simons's tale of the Blackwater saga is well-written and balanced. She lays out the good, bad, and ugly about Blackwater and lets the reader conclude whether Erik Prince is a simple patriot, as he claims, or a reckless mercenary bent on exploiting our involvement in the Middle East for huge profits.
It should be noted that the State Department, under Hillary Clinton, still relies heavily on private contractors for its operations in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Child Molesting Freak Dead at Fifty

Pardon the crudeness but I'm trying to make a point. The above headline is one you'll never see.
Hundreds of celebrities, comedians, and talk-show hosts are mourning the loss of Michael Jackson. Overnight, the punch-line of cruel, tasteless jokes has become a "revered entertainment icon."
Gag me with a single white glove!
I truly hope that this orgy of hypocrisy will be short lived.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Another "Good Christian" Falls Off the Edge of the Moral High Ground

Well, it looks like the Republicans' search for a charismatic Moses to lead them out of the wilderness will continue.
Another politician has come within 6 inches of being a viable presidential candidate--and will have to pull out.
Generally, I think that we Americans make too much of our sex scandals. But Gov. Sanford's transgressions go beyond infidelity. The man has proven to be an irresponsible leader. He was derelict in his duties and now his career in public service is over.
So long Mark, we barely got to know you.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Or Visiting Mt. Rushmore, Or Shacking Up in Argentina, Or Something--Hey, Whatever

Sorry for no entries the last couple days. I was hiking the Appalachian Trail.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Dear Pastor Prevo,

I am very impressed with your long, firm, upstanding fight against faggotry. How can we allow these deviants to continue shoving their monster agendas down our throats? This new legislation is just another opportunity for hardened perverts to slide in through the back door and insert their members into our system. If we do not remain vigilant, they will have us down on our knees.

H. Mo Fobe
Dirt Road
Wasilla, Alaska

P.S. I have a hot tub in my trailer and maybe some night you could come over and pray with me.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Hating for Jesus in the Last Frontier

Once again, Alaska is embarrassing itself before the nation. The citizens of Anchorage are currently locked in a debate over a law banning discrimination based on sexual orientation.
Leading the charge against the law, of course, is the Religious Right. Most vocal of the right-wing bigots is Jerry Prevo--pastor of the Anchorage Baptist Temple. Prevo is an arch-conservative firebrand famous for his vicious gay-bashing tirades. The ABT has become headquarters for "Christian" hatemongers hiding behind the Bible.

But, BUT, this fundamentalist assclown may have crossed a line this time. There is a federal law that prohibits churches being used for political purposes. The penalty is loss of tax-free status.
Clearly, by involving his church in the crusade against gay-rights legislation, Prevo is breaking that law.
We need some fair-minded members of the legal community here to step forward and prosecute this hypocritical scumbag before more innocent people are hurt by his hateful rhetoric.
Alaskan taxpayers should not have to finance a club house for gay-bashing rabble rousers.

Monday, June 22, 2009

I Give Up--Why Are We There?

I don't see how we can justify keeping troops in Iraq for one more day. What WHAT is their mission? Al Qaida is only there because we are--the sectarian violence that has been going on for centuries has nothing to do with us or our national security.
We usually have, at least, a phony reason for occupying a country (searching for WMD) and now we don't even have that.
Why are we there?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Are They TRYING to Piss Me Off?

Speaking of produce, I'm reminded once again of my pet supermarket peeves. Lately I've been noticing the unique language at my A&P:

Oven Baked Bread. Wow! That's better than that bread baked in a ___ or a___

Garden Vegetables. I'll be damned--they don't mine those things anymore?

Dairy Butter and Cheese. No shit--to think of all those years I wasted trying to get butter at a foundry.

Avocados 5 for $5.00. Hey, I wasn't born yesterday. I'm waiting until they're a dollar apiece!

Baby Carrots. These are not baby carrots--they're grown-up carrots that have been put through a machine that cuts them up and rounds them off. What's the point? (Or where's the point--a real baby carrot would have a top and bottom like an ordinary one.)

And still no one has explained to me why a red pepper costs more than a green one.


Saturday, June 20, 2009

True Mysteries of the Universe

Enough philosophy, history, politics. I'd like to address some of the really big questions, and here's one that's been eating away at me for years:
Why does a red (ripe) bell pepper cost 3 times as much as a green one?
They are the same vegetable. They grow from the same seeds, in the same plots-- on the same goddamn vines!
Are we charged extra for ripe cucumbers?
I want some answers.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Some People are Gay--Get Over It!

With all the serious issues facing the nation, I can't believe that our legislators are still debating the "problem" of gay rights.

Gay Marriage:
Some people have red hair, some people have blue eyes, some people are gay. According to the Constitution, as it stands, they all have equal rights. It's that simple!

Gays in the Military:
Nothing needs to be asked, told, or anything else. We have laws covering sexual harassment. Homosexuals in uniform, like heterosexuals, are subject to these laws--and the penalties for breaking them. It's that simple!


Thursday, June 18, 2009

Been There, Done That

Department of Deja Vu.
Does anyone remember Lyndon Johnson? He was a reform-minded president with a progressive agenda who got bogged down in a senseless, inherited war.
Starting to sound familiar?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Yes! Iran Without a Shah or Ayatollah--Viva la Revolution!

I hope that the Iranians proceed with a new revolution. Hopefully, this time their attempt to install a real government won't be foiled by the CIA or a thug masquerading as a religious leader.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

"I'm Going Off to Spread Democracy, Honey--Don't Wait Up for Me"

When will our "cause" prevail in the Middle East?
Maybe when Americans are so dedicated to that cause that they will strap dynamite to their bodies and blow themselves up.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Ah, There It Is!

I was saddened to turn on a favorite NPR program yesterday and hear an interview with one of those pampered celebrities who has everything but "can't find himself." What a waste of radio waves!
This mindless, self-absorbed asshole admitted that he was making $35,000/week for doing basically nothing--just mouthing a handful of words weekly on some dumb TV sitcom. Despite his mansion and his Mercedes, psychoanalysis, rehab, aroma-therapy, and champagne enemas, his lonely search continues.
Hey! Give me a self making 35 grand a week for doing nothing and I guarantee you--I'LL FIND IT!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

"Not Tonight, Osama--'American Idol' is on"

You'll never convince me that it isn't all economics. The rich thugs running Middle Eastern countries aren't about to give their people jobs, schools, or decent homes. So they give them Jihad. It's the classic formula seen throughout history--controlling an impoverished nation by feeding it hatred.
Let the average Jihadist come home from some real work to basic cable, a bucket of fried chicken, and a clean place to shit, and he's not going to be out fucking around.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Hang On, James

James von Brunn, the Holocaust Museum murderer, remains in critical condition. I'm sure that he would object to being cared for by any of the Jews, foreigners, or blacks that commonly staff our hospitals.
Out of respect for his beliefs, I hope that the hospital will leave his wounds untreated until a good skinhead surgeon arrives.

Friday, June 12, 2009

"Welcome to Iraq--Have a Hot Dog and Some Apple Pie"

One of the problems with Iraq is that there is really no such a thing as an "Iraqi." After WWI, the Allies drew a box around an area where hundreds(!) of sects had been killing each other for centuries and called it a nation. They wanted the Middle East to look like Europe. Now we're in Iraq pushing democracy, trying to make it look like Indiana.
It just ain't gonna work.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

"Shut Uuuup! Jesus Doesn't Look Like Johnny Depp? I'm Totally Switching Religions!"

It's happened again. Is there no end to the idiots that keep finding images of Christ on everything from potato chips to barns?
Proving that these images are phony is incredibly simple. The phantom Christ always looks like Leonardo's Christ of "The Last Supper." Why would Jesus reveal himself to us as a fair-skinned, fair-haired European? Given his ethnicity, the true Christ would have probably looked more like Yassir Arafat. Remember him--that ugly bastard who looked like Ringo Starr with a tablecloth on his head?
When someone shows me a Christ looking like that, I'll take notice.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

And, No, Johnson&Johnson Isn't Saving the Planet

That's very thoughtful of J&J to run one plant on an alternative fuel. If they want to really be part of the solution, how about shutting the plant down? I don't care if they fuel the plant with dead fascists. Producing a dozen products that we don't need packaged in plastic containers that don't decay is exactly the problem.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Try Some Sawdust for Lunch--It Will Lower Your Blood Pressure

I really get tired of the phony health claims made by the big food companies.
Yes, eating Cheerios for breakfast will definitely lower your cholesterol--so will eating the box.
Cheerios (or cardboard) lower your cholesterol because they replace the ham and eggs that were raising your cholesterol!

Monday, June 8, 2009

". . . Don't Pull on Superman's Cape, Don't Piss into the Wind, and . . .

Don't mess around with Afghanistan!"
Afghanistan has been the graveyard of super powers for millennia. Do we really think that we can impose our will on the people that defeated Alexander the Great, Genghis Kahn, the British Empire, and the Soviet Union?

40,000 fatal car accidents per year is the price we pay for mobility. Terrorist attacks on our country just might be the price we have to pay for being an affluent, open society. There will always be those that don't like us. We can't start a war (or institute wire tapping and torture) every time someone assaults our way of life.

If Osama bin Laden were hiding in France, would we bomb France?

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Who Needs GM? We've Got Blackwater

Every day we are sending more civilian mercenaries to run the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Are we becoming a warrior nation, a 21st Century Sparta?
Facing recession and 10% unemployment, the Military-Industrial Complex is the only part of the American economy that's growing.

How can we believe that Obama really wants to end these stupid, useless wars when he continues making them profitable for American interests?

Friday, June 5, 2009

The American Way of Death

Been thinking about those unmanned drones we use in the Middle East. Man, that's some scary, science-fiction kind of shit.
I can see a good side: Less risk to our soldiers, more selective targeting (killing individuals without so much "collateral damage.")
On the other hand: Those things don't have consciences. They will obey orders that would be morally objectionable to a soldier. Also, the promise of no human casualties might make us more apt to start wars.
What's creepy is: Many of the drones are directed by technicians here in the U.S. The main control center is in Colorado.
I can picture a man kissing his wife good-bye in the morning, leaving his comfortable suburban home and driving to an office cubicle where he will push a button that kills someone halfway around the world.
That's got to give you the creeps!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Bail-Out Blues

I can't help noticing that the government bail-outs of the big financial institutions, meant to save the mostly white-collar community, were almost unconditional. Washington threw a bunch of money at some fat cats and walked away.
The auto company bail-outs, which will mostly aid blue-collar workers, are filled with rules, reservations, timetables, etc.

A scary observation: Many of the institutions recently bailed out by the government actually survived the Great Depression.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Global warming skeptics:

1.) Generally, people have a motive for their actions. What would be the motive for scientists around the world (with diverse political, religious, ethnic, and socio-economic backgrounds) forming a conspiracy to mislead the rest of us?

2.) Why are all those polar bears drowning?

3.) Why are all those coastal villages up here being swamped by rising water? (No one gives a shit about some Eskimos. When New York and Miami are drowning, it will be a different story.)

And most importantly:
4.) Why are my 5 acres of woodland near Fairbanks TURNING INTO A FUCKING LAKE?

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Thanks, Cliff

Who says there's no wisdom on TV?
I've been reminded recently of the Cliff Claven (the mailman on "Cheers") theory of intelligence.
Basically, Cliff compares the effects of alcohol on the brain with predators culling the weak members from a buffalo herd. As we all know, the general health of the herd is improved by the killing of the slowest, weakest animals. This is nature's way. Similarly, alcohol destroys the slowest, weakest brain cells first--leaving a brain that is overall stronger and more efficient.
This is why you always become so smart after a few beers.

Monday, June 1, 2009

And The Winner Is . . .

It's been quite a weekend. I thought that the epitome of hypocrisy had been reached when master hate-monger, Rush Limbaugh, accused Obama's Supreme Court nominee of racism.
But then some good Christian killed a doctor to support the "right to life." That's going to be hard to beat.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Some History

There's much saber-rattling against the U.S. these days--and it's understandable. After our irrational, unprovoked invasion of Iraq, no one feels safe. And given the size and strength of the U.S. military, nuclear weapons are the great equalizer.

Why are N. Korea and Iran leading the charge? Check out a history book. America attacked both of these countries in the past, even though they posed no threat to us. After bombing the hell out of the place, President Truman actually considered nuking some N. Korean cities (!).
Iran was our first "regime change." We overthrew a democratically elected president bent on reforming his country, and replaced him with one of the most brutal dictators in modern history.
Is it any wonder that these countries have no love for the U.S.?

By the way: If it were up to me, the punks currently running both of these countries would immediately have their birth certificates revoked. It's a shame that we have given despicable tyrants like Kim Jong-Il and Ahmadinejad so much legitimate fuel for their anti-American campaigns.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Isn't It Time to "Just Fade Away"? Oops, That's Right, You Were Never a Soldier--Just Another Rich Warmonger That Dodged the Draft

Happy Memorial Day, Dick--

Regarding your ridiculous "Ticking Time Bomb" scenario: Obviously, OBVIOUSLY, any U.S. administration would do whatever is necessary to to make the captured terrorist tell where the atom bomb in Manhattan is hidden. Is this even worth discussing?

John McCain, and George Bush for Christ's sake!, favor closing Guantanamo Bay. Are you the only one left who wants to maintain Gitmo? If you are, who gives a shit? It's over, Dick--you had your 8 years and you blew it. Shut up and slither back home!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Hey, Dick--When We Decide To Let Former VPs Continue Making Policy, We'll Tap On Your Rock

Like some dormant, subterranean creature, Dick Cheney has crept up into the daylight again. Apparently, he was not content with just watching Obama try to dig the country out of the hole created by the last administration. Now the ex-VP is going to fling shit at the president while he's laboring at this monumental task.
What's really disgusting here is that Cheney's motive is so transparent. By repeatedly trumpeting that there was no terrorist attack here in the last 8 years,* he is setting us up for the big "I told you so" should there be one during Obama's tenure. This is a new low for even a reptile like Cheney.

*This boast is based on a common logical fallacy. There is no way to prove that the lack of an attack during Bush's administration was due to his policies. It could have been in spite of them.
If Bush had a red-headed secretary from 9/11 until the end of his last term, would that prove that red-headed secretaries ward off terrorist attacks?

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Who Knew?

Household Hints Department
Does anyone else know about this?
Have you ever looked at the ends of an aluminum foil box? Probably not. Well, check it out--you will find there the words "PRESS HERE TO LOCK ROLL."
Following these instructions will result in tabs extending into the cardboard roll like twin axles, allowing it to spin freely.
Instead of snagging, tearing and going all to hell as usual, the foil will now smoothly unroll from the box.
It's amazing--I'm looking for excuses to use my aluminum foil!

Friday, May 22, 2009

"We'd Like to Stop the Bleeding, But Your Insurance Doesn't Cover That"

Republican reactionaries continue to resist all of the president's progressive programs. They are outraged by Obama's efforts to join the civilized world by providing us with not-for-profit health care. Their slogan is: "Do you want government bureaucrats making medical decisions for you?" (This is based on an outrageous lie. Under universal health care, doctors would obviously still be making the medical decisions--the government would merely pay them.)
No, we can't have bureaucrats making medical decisions. Clearly, this is the role of insurance companies!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

What a Waste!

You may have heard the news that scientists just discovered the most distant celestial object ever--a star 13 billion light years away. (This means that light traveling at 186,000 miles per second would take 13 billion years to arrive here!) The star is thought to be at least 600 billion years old.
Here's my question for the Fundamentalists:
If we humans are the unique creations of God and the world was created for us alone, what is all the rest of this vast universe for? It seems as if there is an awful lot of space and time going to waste out there.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

One Awesome Liquid!

You can learn a lot sitting in a bar. For instance, watching some martini drinkers I just figured out that vermouth must be one of the most powerful substances on earth.
If a man were to walk int a bar and order a double shot of straight gin, he would be condemned as an uncouth alcoholic. Folks on neighboring stools would edge away.
But if the same man ordered a martini (a double shot of gin with a drop of vermouth), he would be applauded as a suave, sophisticated man-of-the-world.
Vermouth must be some truly incredible stuff. Could a single drop of anything else transform a person so radically?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Welcome to Death Row, I'll Have a Budweiser

Popped into the bar for a nightcap yesterday--and instantly saw that it was a mistake. For some reason, the place was filled with young men, many of them sporting shaved or nearly-shaved heads and a several macho tattoos. I felt as if I were in a prison yard instead of a cheery neighborhood bar!
I chugged a beer and split.
I'll never understand how the "death-row look" has become so fashionable. Maybe I'm just an old hippie, but I think the country was doing a lot better when men had long hair and tattoos were for hoodlums and carnival freaks.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

A Winner!

Thanks, RACHEL, for your winning entries in the Fox News Contest:

Fat-assed Ornery Xeroxes (of Limbaugh)
Frequently Odious eXacerbaters
Frustrated Onerous eXclaimers

All apt names for the Fox "News" program.
Your prize is in the mail!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I Don't Mind Mixing Apples and Oranges--And I can Tell the Difference Between the Two Without Labels

Speaking of fruit . . .
I like a nice piece of fruit. Is there anything more natural and beautiful than a perfectly ripened apple or pear?
I assumed that these simple delights were secure--unable to be diminished by the Hand of Man. Or Corporate America.

Of course, I should have known better.

Okay, I realize that those little tags pasted onto our fruits and vegetables serve a purpose. But does that purpose outweigh the inconvenience? Does it warrant the insult (Yes, that's right!) to these unspoiled wonders?
Is the sky bluer? Is springtime more welcome each year? Is there peace and harmony among the nations? Is the world a substantially better place to live in NOW THAT I HAVE TO SCRAPE THOSE FUCKING LABELS OFF OF MY TOMATOES AND APPLES AS IF THEY WERE SOME SORT OF CHEAP, MASS-PRODUCED TRINKETS?

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Where Did Eve Find That Big Shiny Apple in All of Those Old Paintings? The Things Hadn't Been Invented Yet!

For my Christian Fundamentalist friends:
Do you realize that Evolution is the basis for all of modern biology? It is also the basis for absolutely all of our agriculture. Do you know what an apple would be like without Evolution? It would be a rock-hard, impossibly sour thing about the size of a ping-pong ball. Without Evolution, corn would be a thumb-sized grain; it would take acres to produce a bushel of wheat and a herd of cows to give a gallon of milk.
Maybe you people should restrict your diet to wild grasses and acorns--or any of the other foods that still flourish exactly as God created them in those 7 days.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Besides, Torturing Women is Fun

Just heard a great one on the radio. The ambassador from Saudi Arabia, that wonderful medieval monarchy beloved of the Bush clan and our state department, explained that his country's repressive laws concerning women are "to protect them from sexual harassment." Oh, I see! According to this brave Sheik of Araby, making women bundle in 120-degree heat, depriving them of the right to vote, work, get an education, drive a car, or leave the house unescorted is to protect them from harassment.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

All the News That's Fit to Distort

Regarding Fox News' non-stop blathering about Obama "nationalizing" the auto industry:
Like all phony pundits, the clowns at Fox News rely on the public having a short memory. Some of us remember that this is not Washington's first tampering with Detroit. Back in the 80's, Chrysler president, Lee Iacocca, went to Congress and begged to have his bankrupt company saved. The Feds guaranteed a huge loan and Lee turned a shitty company that was dying into a shitty company that has survived until now when it's bankrupt again.

Apparently, if Republican sacred cow, Ronald Reagan, (Alaska's lone idiot congressman, Don Young, wanted Reagan's face added to Mt. Rushmore!) oversees the bail-out of a car company, it's capitalism--if Obama does likewise, it's socialism.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Far-right Obnoxious X-tremists?

Or: Frothing-at -the -mouth Obama-hating Xenophobes?
Fascist Old-school bigots eXposing their ignorance?
I think you get the idea. Send me your own variation on the Fox "News" logo.

Best entry will win . . . something!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

"The Other White Meat" Flu?

Speaking of comedy, does it get any better than trying to find a PC name for swine flu? Apparently, it's okay to bomb and torture Muslims but we wouldn't want to offend them with a word. And isn't Mexican flu insulting to Mexicans--don't they count? Good thing the outbreak didn't occur in Israel--I don't think they'd care for "Jew flu."

You've got to wonder what chance there is for world peace when we can't even agree on a name for a disease that's threatening all humanity.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Actually, Of Fox's 2 Best Comedies I Prefer "The Simpsons"

But here's a serious question for Rupert Murdoch and his crew of smug, right-wing stooges:
If Fox News is really a news service as it claims, why the need to be "fair and balanced"? Factual information doesn't have to be qualified--it's simply what it is. Real news programs make no claims of fairness--they just report the news.

. . . I think I see a new contest coming!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Fair and Balanced

Just watched a little Fox News. I highly recommend it. Since Obama's election, this has become the funniest show on TV--an endless parade of clowns tripping over themselves in desperate attempts to vilify the president's every move.

Today we were treated to the views of that great financial expert, Hank Williams Jr. The millionaire entertainer raved in a folksy drawl for half an hour about how Obama's economic policies were screwing "us rednecks."
Here's a couple questions for you, Bocephus:
1.) How is giving a tax cut to every true redneck in the country (I assume that most folks referring to themselves as "rednecks" earn less than $250,00.00 a year) screwing them?
2.) If Obama cured cancer tomorrow, would he be just some black guy that cured cancer?

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Be Strong, Barack

Although I support most of Obama's policies, his decision to send more troops to Afghanistan worries me. I hope that his fear of being seen as "weak on defense" will not cause him to make a catastrophic mistake. Trading an unwinnable war in Iraq for one in Afghanistan makes no sense.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Good Old Days

Speaking of the "good old days." You know when the good old days were? Just look at a calendar--they're today! Always.
Despite the efforts of the world's backward thinking people (Taliban, hate-filled Christian Evangelists, Palin's choice from the right-wing lunatic fringe for her new attorney general), we move on. Slowly, but we move on. Reactionaries can temporarily sabotage human progress but they can't stop it.
Republican presidential hopeful (shudder!), Newt Gingrich,has chosen the 1940's as his model for the good old days. Yeah, Newt, those were some fine times--as long as you ignore a few little issues, like: The country that gave us Mozart and Einstein was shoveling babies into ovens, a black man in this nation, including those defending it, couldn't walk into a restaurant, and we were turning Japanese cities into radioactive craters.
Here is an example of a man so dedicated to backward thinking that he can look at the decade of the 1940's and OVERLOOK THE SECOND WORLD WAR!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Brain Waves

Scientists have recently discovered a difference in the brain-wave patterns between liberals and conservatives. This hardly surprises me. It's always seemed to me that we are hard-wired to be one way or the other and I've seldom seen anyone switch sides. Check out the comments on this blog!
Personally, I can no more support the conservative side of an issue than flap my arms and try to fly. Likewise for conservatives, I'm sure.

I'll simply never understand how people think that there is anything to be gained by going backwards. Look at these decisions: Should we remain an English colony or become our own democratic country? Should we retain slavery? Should women be given the vote? On all these issues the liberals were on the right side of history but conservative "values" had to be overcome before we could move on.
Some day people will look back at gay marriage, for instance, the way we now look back at slavery. It's inevitable--chiseled in stone.
Yet, because of the reactionaries amongst us, it's always 2 steps forward and 3 back. Just think where we could be today if we weren't always fighting those who long for the "good old days."

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter!

Well, it's Easter again, and I will spend the day meditating and reading the Bible (a best-selling novel filled with murder,suicide,torture,war,slavery,misogyny,bestiality,adultery,incest,genocide,homosexuality,and rape that Christians use to instruct their children.)
I will quietly contemplate the great theological mysteries:
How Adam and Eve's male offspring managed to populate the world, why Noah didn't know that the unicorns were gay, the number of pins you can stick in the head of an angel, and how they get that filling inside of a seamless chocolate Easter egg.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Sexual Politics

Interesting that the dittoheads like to bring up sex.
It's quite understandable. In many ways, the hateful attitude of these people is The Revenge of the Nerds.
Limbaugh's relentless misogyny betrays an obvious sexual frustration.
Way back when right-wing nemesis, Bill Clinton, was "making love, not war," guys like Limbaugh and O'Reilly were going to Young Republican meetings. They may be the only 2 people to live through the Sexual Revolution without getting laid.
More recently, while Clinton was getting busy with a young intern, O'Reilly was busy getting busted for making obscene phone calls. While Clinton was still sewing his wild oats, the closest O'Reilly could get to sex was wagging his weenie at a telephone.
Is it any wonder these people are so filled with hate?

Saturday, April 4, 2009

One Last Word on Limbaugh:

Listen up, dittoheads.
Obviously, Limbaugh and I are both entertainers preaching to our own particular choirs.
Among our differences, there's this:
Because of my socio-economic status, if I had been busted for drugs as Limbaugh was, I would have been thrown in prison instead of given a wrist-slap.
Is it any wonder that Rush loves our system just the way it is?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

To Those Offended by My Treatment of Limbaugh:

Yes, I can distinguish between entertainment and politics, but millions cannot. These people use Limbaugh's outrageous comments to fuel their harmful prejudices.
Limbaugh's referring to himself as an entertainer allows me to tolerate him more than someone like Bill O'Reilly who disguises his hateful opinions as journalism.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Limbaugh, Ever-Ready With New Pearls of Wisdom--Just Pull His Finger

Why are people shocked by Limbaugh's support of the AIG bonuses? Besides being a racist and sexist, he has always been a blatant elitist. This supposed blue-collar hero is actually a pampered rich-kid who's fond of bragging that he's never owned a pair of jeans.
How can you be shocked by anything coming from the man who described the outcry over Saddam Hussein's gassing of the Kurds as "liberal hate speech"?

Tuesday, March 31, 2009


"I say we round up all the drug addicts and gas them."
--Rush Limbaugh, Nov. 3rd, 1988, shortly before entering rehab for drug addiction.

Monday, March 30, 2009

National Priority

Because of some personal matters, I've been anxiously awaiting Obama's solution for universal health care. However, recent developments have made me drop any concern for my own minor problems.
First things first. If there are new funds available for vital medical procedures, the nation's highest priority should be to immediately FIT RUSH LIMBAUGH WITH A SHOCK COLLAR!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Lipstick is Off the Pig

In an effort to gain support from her ultra-conservative allies, Governor Palin has rejected 1/3 of Obama's stimulus package. This includes funds for the "special needs" education she claims to champion, and funds for more safety officers (that she previously requested!).
Our governor's a real beauty, all right.
Clearly, Ms. Palin is more concerned with her national ambitions than the welfare of Alaska's citizens.
At least now we know what we're up against.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Too Bad They Weren't "Entitled" To 'Em

This flap over the AIG bonuses is fascinating.
Are you currently jumping through the hoops required to collect Unemployment Insurance, Medicaid, Social Security, or any of our other entitlements? Have fun!

If the government had made it as difficult for a millionaire executive to receive a $50 billion bail-out check as it is for a carpenter to receive a $100.00 Unemployment check, we would have avoided a lot of grief.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Pope Uncovers New Health Risk

Always hard at work to protect his flock, Benedict XVI has now warned us that condoms actually spread AIDS.
For instance:
While walking to the store for a pack of condoms you run into your sister. She tells you that there is some important family business that she wants to discuss. When you get to her apartment, however, you discover that she is really a robot that has been built by a gang of gay outlaw bikers. The bikers rape you and give you AIDS.

WAKE UP, FOLKS--this is merely one of the many ways that condoms can spread AIDS!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Snakes--Are They Really So Bad?

Happy St. Patrick's Day--the holiday celebrating the man who drove the snakes from Ireland in exchange for converting the island to Christianity.

I don't know if this transaction can be accomplished in reverse.
But as a resident of America's only snake-free state, I often fantasize about it.

Monday, March 16, 2009


I just can't resist. This weekend I ventured again into the world of Top 40 Radio and once more I was not disappointed. I was instantly rewarded with superstar Kelly Clarkson singing her latest hit, "My Life Would Suck Without You."
I must admit that I got a little misty, but then I got busy. Inspired by Kelly's tender ballad, I have written a new love song of my own and sent it to Ms. Clarkson's agent.

I believe that "If Ever You Should Leave Me, It Would Be Like Someone Packed My Crotch In Ground Beef and Threw Me Into a Cage Filled With Starving Wolverines" has the potential for being a big hit.
Maybe it's time to get the old band back together!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

One More Bail-Out!

Levi has split the sheets with Bristol Palin. We're all in shock! What 19-year-old boy wouldn't want to be tied down as a husband and father?
Oh well, now he'll have more time to spend with his mother before she goes to prison.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Word Power

You've got to laugh.
In China, if some poor bastard slaving away for 3 bowls of rice and a dormitory cot complains, the party bosses in their McMansions accuse him of not being a good socialist.
In America, if a worker wants to start a union or take other steps to share in the nation's wealth, the rich corporate heads and their government stooges accuse him of being a socialist.

What a useful word this has become!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

To the Conservatives Resisting Obama's Economic Plan:

Warren Buffet, the world's richest man, supports it and he says that you should too.
Hey--the richest man in the whole goddamn world! That ain't good enough for you?

Do you really think that this man who has made 62 billion dollars investing in the American free enterprise system is a "socialist"?

Monday, March 9, 2009

Dismal Science

The flood of bullshit triggered by the financial crisis has become a tsunami. We're drowning in it. I've turned off my radio.
The battling talking-heads forget (conveniently!) that in economics there are no perfect solutions. There's always a catch. Always: "I've got some good news, and some . . . "
That's why economics is the "dismal science."

Example: If you bail out a mismanaged corporation, hard-working, skilled employees will keep their jobs. And a few greedy, worthless scumbags will continue their free ride.
That's just the way it is. Dismal, right?
But understanding this can help you wade through the bullshit.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Lucky For Him He Didn't Use a Condom!

Meanwhile on the theological front:
In Brazil today, Catholic priests still vow to excommunicate the doctors who aborted the pregnancy of a 9-year-old rape victim. Some are pushing to excommunicate the child's mother and the child herself.

Only the rapist remains safely embraced in the sheltering bosom of the Church.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

How Do Teetotalers Survive?

I believe neither in luck nor any other supernatural influences in our lives. There are days, however, that make me wonder. This has been one of them. Everything at work this morning went all to hell. Everything.
Shuffling around town during my lunch break, the sun suddenly came out--a rare occurrence around here. I instantly felt revived. Yes! I would persevere, make the most of this now beautiful day.
I went into the corner drugstore and bought a bottle of aspirin, which, annoyingly, came inside a small box. I did not dwell upon this stupid, wasteful packaging--the sun was out!
Back on the street I looked up at the mountains and let the sun warm my face. I took the aspirin bottle out of the offensive box--tossed it into one of our bear-proof, non-refundable trash barrels and put the empty box in my jacket pocket.
$9.00 shot to hell and not even a bear would benefit from my purchase.
I walked next door to the bar. This is something I do believe in. I am currently seated on a very comfortable stool. If they need me back at work, they will have to drag me off of it.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

To My Republican Friends Making Over $250,000/Year:

Your free ride over the past 8 years helped to bankrupt the nation and create the current financial mess. As the great patriots that you all are, shouldn't you be happy to start paying your fair share of taxes and aid the country in its time of need?

Sunday, March 1, 2009

It Was a STUNT, Folks--Get Over It!

It's unbelievable! This continuing nightmare spawned by candidate McCain's reckless campaign stunt.
People now associate Sarah Palin with Alaska, where nearly everyone considers her to be a joke. Tourists want to visit Wasilla, the one place most Alaskans would rather keep a secret.
I don't know where the press got those picturesque photos of the Palin homestead. In reality, a typical Wasilla residence would be a trailer with a plastic-tarp roof and a yard strewn with used Pampers and empty cough medicine bottles. The town hall is a meth lab and its official crest is a prison tattoo. If the place serves any purpose, it's to supply the state with criminals and Bible-thumping lunatics dedicated to maintaining Alaska's national leadership in domestic violence, incest, and child molestation.
I keep thinking I'm going to wake up.
Are these candidates for the Jerry Springer Show really being considered as our next First Family?
Have 8 years of George Bush softened the American brain to the point that it will allow a desperate publicity stunt turn Sarah Palin into a world leader?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Feet Stuck to the Floor, Hands Clutching a Box of Popcorn That Cost More Than His Dinner, A Lone Voice Cries Out in the Dark

Just returned from a movie and . . . Am I the only person seriously pissed off by commercials at the movie theater? How have we allowed such an offense to become routine? I know that this outrageous practice has been with us for a while now, but I still feel like screaming and demanding my money back--every time!
If I wanted to subject myself to advertising, I'd stay home free of charge and rot my brain in front of a TV.
We used to get something extra at the movies--like a cartoon or short. Now we're sitting targets for shit-bags of ads to be dropped on us. IT JUST AIN'T RIGHT!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Warning from Wasilla

Take Creation Theory out of science class and before you know it they'll take Stork Theory out of Sex Ed. Wake up America!

Bristol and Levi
Wasilla, Alaska

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Honked-Off in Maryland

Regarding that airliner landing in the Hudson: This is just a sample of what's coming now that a bunch of soft-on-nature liberals have taken over Washington. If these spineless commies really wanted to protect us, they'd declare a War On Geese and keep our airways safe.
D. Cheney
Backundermyrock, Maryland

Monday, February 2, 2009


Congratulations to Jim for his succinct:
"Rush Limbaugh is a big fat traitor."
And to Rachel for her more colorful:
"Rush Limbaugh is a big fat anti-patriotic fuck."

Again, Limbaugh has shown his true colors. Obviously, he hates liberals more than he loves his country.
I find it depressing that this colossal fool and the sheep that blindly follow him claim to be patriots.
Would the true rugged individuals who founded this nation ever refer to themselves as "ditto heads"?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

NEW CONTEST! "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat_____" Fill in the Blank and WIN!

Since the publishing of Al Franken's "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot," Rush has:
1.) Lost his gig as a TV sports commentator by making a racial slur on his first broadcast.
Rush Limbaugh is a big fat racist. CHECK.
2.)Been busted for drugs but not prosecuted because he is white and rich.
Rush Limbaugh is big fat drug addict and hypocrite. CHECK.
And now he has:
3.) Announced that he hopes Obama's policies will fail.
Rush Limbaugh is a big fat_________

Finish this sentence. Winners will have their entries posted here and receive by email a copy of my previously published article concerning Limbaugh and his pervert pal, Bill O'Reilly.
*Join The Fun! Enter Now!*

Monday, January 26, 2009

Ski Neighborhood Going Downhill

Where are they now?
Retired war criminals choose a variety of homes. Henry Kissinger, an estate in Connecticut. George Bush, a gated, ethnically cleansed community in Texas. Saddam, a hole in the ground.
Don Rumsfeld has chosen the long-established artist colony and ski resort of Taos, New Mexico(!)--much to the horror of his neighbors.
Has Rummy followed ex-warmonger/Sec. of Defense, Robert McNamara, and become a hippy? Will he turn his blood-stained hands to basket-weaving? Ceramics?

Who gives a shit!
However, if you would like to contribute to making Rumsfeld's retirement as uncomfortable as possible, contact:
Food Not Bombs
P.O. Box 424
Arroyo Seco, NM 87514

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Healers Sniff Their Roots Back to Doctor of Circusology

Just had an interesting conversation with an aromatherapist.
And you know what? I'm convinced! The alternative healing technique of aromatherapy is actually based on one of the soundest, most scientifically proven principles known:
There's one born every minute.

Friday, January 23, 2009

No More Water-Boarding . . . Or Wedgies

I am definitely not a member of the "Obama the Messiah" cult. However, I can't help thinking that the world is breathing a little easier already.
There are still plenty of rotten kids and bullies in Washington, but I believe there is a general feeling that they are now under adult supervision.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I've Got Some Good News, And . . .

It's easy to see why economics is called the "dismal science." All good economic news seems to have a catch.
GOOD NEWS: Following FDR's model of public works, Obama's plan to create 4 million new jobs will probably succeed.
BUT: In FDR's era, America still produced things. Will the American economy really be helped by 4 million more people buying cheap crap from China and dependable cars from Japan?

Monday, January 19, 2009

Free at Last, Free at Last!

In his final interview, Dubya claimed that his proudest achievement was lessening the number of Al Qaeda in Iraq. When the interviewer pointed out that before his invasion there were no Al Quaeda in Iraq, he responded: "So what?"
I believe that this sparkling gem of ignorance and arrogance perfectly sums up the Bush era. It has a lot to do with the huge celebration building for tomorrow's inauguration.
This isn't so much an inauguration as a liberation.

Saturday, January 17, 2009


Well, the 8-year insult to America is almost over. Dubya's last gasp has been to compassionately conserve money for the treasury by vetoing (again) a bill that would provide medical care for uninsured children. A perfect finale!
Many comedians and satirists claim that they will miss the man who has provided them with so much material. Not me. I've never experienced the slightest bit of adversarial respect for George Bush. I consider the man to be an ignorant, callous fool and I dislike everything about him.
The clown who complained of being "misunderestimated, and who waved to Stevie Wonder did irreparable damage to this country. He is responsible for immense suffering and thousands of needless deaths.

It's notable that Bush is moving into a gated community that was officially (and illegally) segregated until only a few years ago, while Obama is moving into a mansion built by slaves.
Of course, I like the idea of Dubya in a gated community. I just think that it should be the kind that locks from the outside.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Seizing a Last Chance as Dubya Confronts the Awesome Stress of His Job

Do you think it's a coincidence that everything seems to be going to hell all at once?
-Trusted banks and financial institutions indulging in an orgy of greed despite the consequences of worldwide depression and chaos.
-Executives letting our most important corporations go to hell in order to make a fast buck.
-American mercenaries out of control in Iraq.
-Israel suddenly launching a military campaign sure to be condemned by all but the U. S.

Now consider:
1.) In a recent interview concerning his legacy, Dubya remarked that the most stressful moments of his 8 years as president were "throwing out those first pitches on the opening days of baseball season."
2.) Barack Obama and a crew of intelligent, competent people are waiting in the wings to take over the government.


Monday, January 5, 2009

My God, How Do Swedes Find the Courage to Go On?

Yes, I realize the dangers of "socializing" medicine in America. Universal health care could put us on the slippery slope to becoming another nightmarish, inhuman hell-hole like Canada, Sweden, Holland, Switzerland, Denmark . . .

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Unreasonable Demands of the "Socialists"

The FIRST THING that President Obama needs to address is a universal health-care system.
-What good is national security without the personal security of knowing that you can receive medical care when you need it?
-What good are jobs if you're too sick to work or you can't earn enough money to maintain the health of your family?

This view, of course, brands me as a "socialist."
For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a socialist is someone who believes that his family's health is more important than the CEO's of Americas biggest corporations earning an average of 60 million dollars a year, or John McCain owning 13 homes and 20 cars.