Saturday, April 15, 2017

   NINETEEN UNICORNS















NINETEEN UNICORNS A collection of 17 short stories and 2 novellas
(272 pages) $20.00                                    
                                                   
DINING with HITLER & HEMINGWAY A collection of 13 short stories
(101 pages) $15.00

The short stories in NINETEEN UNICORNS careen wildly through a sometimes humorous, sometimes frightening landscape that includes a man and his fish, a diabolical shipping clerk, haute cuisine for dogs, a modern fairy tale about motherly love, and a critical cocktail--all served with a twist.
PULP '73. "Drugs, sex, and rock 'n' roll!" George substitutes booze and jazz into the counterculture battle-cry, but he's just fine with the sex part as he battles through the 70's in his Bible Belt, Ohio home.
IXT. A young biologist's research brings him to Southeast Alaska. His unexpected entanglement with the denizens of Juneau's rowdy waterfront and the befriending of a mysterious old Indian set him off on a daring, life-altering adventure.

DINING with HITLER & HEMINGWAY takes the reader on a fast-paced excursion into a whole new world--a world where you can witness a hundred-foot-tall moose and an international food fight, or listen to an Amish blues singer. A constant theme through these meticulously crafted miniatures is an examination of ordinary things from unusual angles. Discussing Ernest Hemingway takes two old friends to a meat-packing plant. The pain of an impending death in a family is wrapped in a piece of sushi. A dinner-table argument reveals a mind-bending exploration of space and time. Visiting a fish market exposes a woman's life of quiet desperation. From the alcohol-fueled hallucinations of an Alaskan hermit to a boy's coming of age in rural Alabama, these tiny tales travel to destinations strange, heartbreaking, and funny. They contain thought-provoking and sometimes disturbing ideas, but a fresh, witty hand on the wheel keeps it a fun ride.

To order books, contact me with your name and mailing address at josephkarson@yahoo.com and click
paypal.me/JosephKarson to pay with your credit or debit card. Thank you, and happy reading!

(You can also contact me at (907) 529-2593 and send checks or money orders to Joe Karson, 203 W. 3rd St,. Juneau, Alaska, 99801.)









Monday, April 3, 2017

Lately, political zeal has lured some into presenting as fact what is really fiction. There will be no such confusion here. The Karson Report endeavors to provide its readers with only carefully researched facts. However, as many of you may know, I am also involved in the wholly separate enterprise of creating fiction.

This coming SATURDAY, APRIL 8, 2:00 pm at the TRIANGLE BAR in JUNEAU, I will be signing copies of NINETEEN UNICORNS, my new collection of short stories and novellas.
Of course there will be live music, food, and good company from all around Alaska and beyond. See you there!
NINETEEN UNICORNS
Stories by Joe Karson

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Slippery Slope

As a part-time public school teacher, I'd like to thank Secretary DeVos and those members of the Alaska State Legislature who are making the effort to put Creation Theory into our science classes. It's a slippery slope. Keep Creation Theory out of science classes, and before you know it we'll be keeping Stork Theory out of sex education classes.


Friday, March 24, 2017

Still Crushed Under Plymouth Rock

Q. Why is this the only civilized country without universal healthcare?
A. Because it's the only country founded by radical Calvinists, the descendants of whom can't sleep at night for fear that someone might be getting something for nothing. They would rather see millions, including themselves, suffer than allow one single person to scam the system and get something he doesn't deserve.

Okay. This is America, and our Pilgrim legacy demands free-enterprise medicine. No one is gettin' healthcare without payin' for it! But how about this: Instead of paying monthly premiums to useless insurance companies, why not make the payments to your local medical provider? When you're sick, you're taken care of. When you're well, the money goes to nurses' salaries, hospital maintenance, new medical equipment, etc. rather than lining the pockets of this guy:


"Hi, I'm Mark Bartolini. Remember me? I appeared in the Report back on Jan. 4th--check it out. As the CEO of Aetna Health Insurance, I take your hard-earned money and use it to pay myself $48,000.00 per day. Have a nice day--I'm sure I will!"
                                                  

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Sorry, But Here's One More Thing That You MUST Boycott

Given the current administration's disregard for the environment and an emperor lacking both clothes and taste (the presidential palate tends toward the world's most expensive cuts of meat cooked well-done and slathered in ketchup), there is faint hope for an official ban on the twin horrors of farmed and GMO ("Frankenfish") salmon.

It's up to the public at large to BOYCOTT these two species of "salmon." (Alaskans, including women, would be shorn of their beards and plaid shirts before purchasing these abominations.) Despite the threat to the environment, the fishing industry, and consumer health, these products are probably already in your fish store or supermarket. Tell your local fishmonger that you will only buy REAL salmon and that if he insists on selling Frankenfish, he might get a visit from a couple of those guys he's seen on The Deadliest Catch--and, trust me, these are not always guys that you might wish to encounter on dry land.

Like Big Oil, Big Fish doesn't care about the planet or its people. That's why we have to hit these folks in the only place that matters to them--their wallets!

Please, resist the effort to turn salmon into the same tasteless, unhealthy, crap that passes for chicken and beef in most supermarkets. Buy only the REAL THING. If you're not eating wild-caught salmon, you're not eating salmon.

We already have REAL salmon. If genetic engineers want to invent something useful, how about an avocado without the pit or a turkey with more drumsticks-- OR AN AGRI-BUSINESS EXECUTIVE WITH A CONSCIENCE!






Sunday, March 19, 2017

DeVos, Pence, And Sessions: A Holy Trinity For Trashing The Constitution

Mike Pence and Betsy DeVos have been outspoken in their opposition to the strict separation of Church and state established by the U.S. Constitution. They both believe that their religion supersedes the law.

This is troubling enough. But their radical views are shared by Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, the man entrusted with our nation's highest office for--enforcing the law!

Sessions claims that the Establishment Clause in the First Amendment of the Constitution has been "overinterpreted." (The Attorney General speaking in tongues?)  That it is an "extra-constitutional doctrine" and "a recent thing that is unhistorical and unconstitutional."

Really, Jeff? Let's look at some Constitutional doctrine and history:

CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW RESPECTING AN ESTABLISHMENT OF RELIGION--The U.S Constitution.
"The government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion."--John Adams
"I am for freedom of religion and against all maneuvers to bring about a legal ascendancy of one sect over another."--Thomas Jefferson
"The civil government functions with complete success by the total separation of the Church from the State."--James Madison

Sessions has gone so far as to mix religion with policy by declaring Trump's illegal Muslim ban to be "Biblical."
Mr. Sessions, the test for legality in this country is the Constitution--not the Bible. Upholding the Constitution is your job. If that job conflicts with your religious views, perhaps you would be happier in some other line of work. I'm sure it could be arranged.


Saturday, March 18, 2017

Attention Patriots:


This week we celebrated the birthday of James Madison, Founding Father and our fourth President. Present-day patriots, who claim the words of the Founders for support, should heed those of Madison.

"The separation of church and state is to keep forever from these shores the ceaseless strife that has soaked the soil of Europe with blood for centuries."

"The civil rights of none shall be abridged on account of religious belief, nor shall any national religion be established."

"If tyranny and oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy."

"The loss of liberty at home is to be charged to the provisions against danger, real or pretended."

"To the press alone, the world is indebted for all the triumphs gained by reason and humanity over error and oppression."

"The executive has no right to decide whether there is or is not cause for declaring war."

"War should only be declared by the authority of the people, instead of the government which is to reap its fruits."