Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The New Happy Hour

Dear Joe,

Last night I told a friend that he was stupid and he responded by calling me a "drunken asshole." I think that this was an extreme over-reaction. My friend disagrees.
Accordingly, I have contacted the president and requested that he, my friend, and I get together at the White House for a beer so that we can straighten this thing out.
After that beer maybe we can do a little Jaeger, a few duck-farts, and some chili-bombs. Next we could play a couple rounds of chug-a-lug, "shoot" some six-packs, and finish up with a tray of jello-shots. Then we'll let President Obama decide who's right.
Hey, no one's calling me a drunken asshole and getting away with it!

D. A. Smith
3rd Barstool From The Door
Anchorage, Alaska

Monday, July 27, 2009

Take My Ex-Governor--Please!

Anyone catch Sarah's farewell speech yesterday? Prior to that speech I regarded our ex-governor as just another ignorant, corrupt politician--now I'm wondering if the woman isn't an antler short of a full rack.
The speech contained all the big-lies and paranoid ramblings generally reserved for ultra-right-wing hate-jocks on a.m. radio.
According to Sarah, the present administration in Washington is "hell-bent on tearing down our nation"; it wants to repeal the Second Amendment, outlaw hunting, and turn America into a socialist country where our lives will be totally controlled by the government.

Sarah's recent outreach to the Democrats was instantly rebuffed. Republicans, trying to revive their party by becoming more "mainstream," are starting to see her as a liability. It seems that the only safe political harbor for Sarah is the extremist, right-wing lunatic fringe--and they're welcome to her.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Alice In Medicareland: Paying For Nothing--What's Wrong With That?

If people weren't suffering, it would be downright humorous. More and more Alaskan doctors are refusing to accept Medicaid and Medicare--they'll only take cash or bill private insurance companies.
In other words: Workers are having money deducted from their paychecks for government-assisted medical care and getting nothing in return.
And we still have fools in Washington who claim that the system isn't broken!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Hey, I've Got Mine--Screw You!

What a disgusting display--conservative Republicans equating the defeat of desperately needed health-care reform with the defeat of Obama. These swine would rather have millions of Americans denied medical care than have a Democrat succeed at his job--the job of making this a better country.
How can these rich, comfortable hypocrites have the nerve to call themselves patriots?

Monday, July 20, 2009

A Potential Victim of the "Bush Legacy"

I really feel for that young American soldier being held by the Taliban. He must be terrified, and rightly so. I think it's quite possible that he will not be treated humanely--especially when you consider the torture and mistreatment of prisoners sanctioned by our last administration.
It makes me sick to think of what that kid might be going through while Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld lounge in their mansions.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Please--Can I Get A Little Help Here?

I'm confused.
Bribery, the paying of a legislator for favors, is illegal.
Lobbying, the paying of a legislator for favors, is legal.

What the hell am I missing?

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Health Insurance American-Style--Paying Out The Nose And Taking It Up The . . .

For shear balls, you just can't beat the health insurance industry in this country.
Approximately 20% of its capital is spent on self-promotion-- currently directed toward a desperate frenzy of lobbying against any form of government-assisted universal health care.
In other words: 2 out of every 10 dollars paid in health-insurance premiums is not going for medical care but for fighting efforts to provide the sort of sensible health care enjoyed by every other civilized nation on earth.
We can no longer tolerate a system this corrupt--we just can't.

Friday, July 17, 2009

You've Got To Be Kidding!

I keep hearing news from Washington about a plan to provide almost all Americans with health insurance.
Please PLEASE tell me that the leaders of this nation aren't dumb enough to come up with a "universal" health-care plan that wouldn't cover every single American.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

"Hey, I Can See A High-Paying Gig With Fox News From Here"

Sarah Palin might be the only American politician--left, right, or center--who refuses to acknowledge the reality of global warming. Incredibly, she lives in the place on the planet where the effects of this phenomenon are most obvious.
No, you can't see Russia from here--but you can see the altered landscape, the invasive species of flora and fauna, the dying wildlife, the unusual weather and all the other changes that scientists predicted would make us the "canary in the coal mine."

Our governor is apparently oblivious to something else: the Alaskan law that holds a government official liable for ethics charges up to 2 years after leaving office. This makes her main excuse for ditching the state a year-and-a-half early--to spare her and her family from further ethics charges--even more ridiculous than most people realize.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Last Days of Ayatolla Palin

Well, 10 days left until Sarah sets off on her new big adventure. 10 days until you'll have to go to the Middle East to see a large, oil-rich state run by a corrupt religious fanatic.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Levi Reveals Palin's True Motive--Plus a Subtle Distinction in Wasilla's Social Structure

Levi Johnston, the young man who nearly became Sarah Palin's son-in-law, has offered his own views on her resignation. He claims it's all about money. While engaged to Bristol he briefly lived with the Palins and says that he often heard Sarah complain that her duties as governor were interfering with her making some big bucks--speeches, talk shows, book deals, etc.
Palin dismissed this accusation as "fiction."
In order to bolster his credibility, Levi has explained that he is a "fucking redneck," not white trash as has been commonly alleged. Thanks for clearing that up, Levi! I'd hate to think that I was trusting the word of some common white trash when I could be getting reliable information from a "fucking redneck."

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Stay Wherever You Want For The Next Two Weeks, Just Don't Let The Door Hit . . .

With only 2 weeks left as governor, Sarah just racked up her 16th ethics charge. Another outraged Alaskan is suing her for her insistence on residing in Wasilla and charging the state a per diem, rather than occupying the Governor's Mansion where she belongs.
Staying in the Juneau mansion, probably the largest and most beautiful home in the state, is certainly no hardship--unless you consider Wasilla's higher tolerance for political corruption, family dysfunction, and religious fanaticism. Apparently it is a more comfortable environment for the Palins.
It's really time for Sarah to straddle her broomstick and fly out of . . . Oops, I almost forgot! On Sept. 24, 2008, she was officially blessed against witchcraft in her hometown church. (see YouTube, Palin and Witchcraft.)

Monday, July 6, 2009

Something Fishy In Juneau Besides Salmon

The capital is buzzing with speculation over our governor's erratic behavior. "Bailin' Palin" was scheduled to take part in Independence Day ceremonies here but mysteriously was a no-show--even though she was in town and we later saw her watching the annual parade from the sidelines. She has offered no explanation.

Word on the street is that she's been caught in another scandal, possibly of a financial nature.
Personally, I still think (see July 3rd entry) that she may just be trying to grab some headlines for her presidential campaign--even though the broad consensus is that the "bulldog in lipstick's" new image as a quitter is politically suicidal.
It should be noted that right before her resignation speech she had been out in the bush with a couple of her favorite religious crackpots. This might have something to do with her sudden decision to "follow a higher calling."

Anyway, this story ain't over. There's almost surely something we don't know, and we're just waiting here for the other shoe to drop. Should be interesting.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

There's No Igloos Here, Either

One of the real joys of living in Alaska in the summer has been watching the expression on tourists' faces when they discover how unpopular Sarah Palin is here.
I recently witnessed a tourist couple storm out of a cafe when the waitress described our governor as "white trash."
I'm really going to miss scenes like that!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

It Truly is Independence Day!

Free at last, free at last! Thanks to yesterday's news from our governor, no one can be celebrating the Fourth like we are in Alaska.

I hope that all patriotic Americans will join me in giving thanks for the "left leaning" journalists like Paine and Franklin, and the anti-establishment radicals like Thomas Jefferson who created this country.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Soccer Mom Driving for the Big Goal

Wow! Just when you thought nothing more earth-shaking than the Michael Jackson funeral could grab the headlines.
Sarah's big surprise is not really that big of surprise here in Alaska. She turned her back on the state a long time ago.
And it makes perfect sense--a ridiculous publicity stunt launched her VP candidacy, so why not try another one to launch her campaign for the White House?
More on this later. Now if you will excuse me, I think I'm going to hurl.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Next Time Your Child Needs an Operation, Call an Insurance Salesman

Just heard an interview with a surgeon driven out of business by the insurance industry.
Another triumph for the American medical system--one of the most valuable members of society chased off by worthless parasites.
The surgeon remarked: "I don't see how you could invent a medical system dumber than what we have in this country."
I'm sure there are folks in Hartford working on it.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Okay--One Last Word on MJ. And That's It!

I have 2 questions.

MJ swore that he underwent only a single cosmetic procedure in his life--it was on his nose and for medical reasons. (Right. Making your nostrils smaller allows you to breathe easier. That's why they sell those adhesive strips to constrict your nostrils. He attributed all other facial changes to puberty--sure, lots of kids get a chin dimple after going through puberty. By the way, one plastic surgeon alone has 60 procedures on his records for MJ.)
My point is: If the man was that delusional or that much of a liar, why should we have believed anything else he claimed (about more serious issues)?

How did a man who so clearly rejected his blackness remain a hero to blacks?