Sunday, March 6, 2011

So Long

Well, folks, I'm closing in on my 500th Report and that's going to be enough--at least for right now. I need a break.
To my loyal supporters--Thanks! I'll keep you posted on any new Net projects.

Now, if you will excuse me, the 50-100 mph winds that have been slamming Juneau for the past few weeks have finally subsided and I will take this as an invitation to slide down the hill and into my favorite barstool.

Don't give the assclowns a break,

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Aptly Named For That Other Famous Tea Party--The One Attended By Alice?

Rest easy, folks. Our Tea Party patriots have finally found the solution to the current economic crisis. Minnesota's pious ex-governor and presidential hopeful, Tim Pawlenty, just laid it out for us in his finest Evangelical style:
"We need to cut corporate taxes!"

2/3 of American corporations pay no income tax. Do not adjust your computer screen, you read that figure correctly: TWO THIRDS.
Although my income put me below the official poverty line, last year I paid more income tax than ExxonMobil, General Electric, Bank of America, and Citigroup combined.
Despite record profits in the billions, our corrupt tax system allowed these giant corporations to pay nothing. ZERO. ZIP. ZILCH.
Now Bible-thumping hypocrites and phony patriots like Pawlenty want to give our millionaire Big Businessmen . . . More Tax Breaks.

Welcome to the alternate universe, the Alice-In-Wonderland calculus of Tea Party economics:
Tax breaks for those already paying no tax.

And who do you suppose is expected to pick up the slack for the patriotic millionaires cheating the treasury out of trillions?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Workers Rebel Against Millionaire "Populists"

It is heartening to see blue-collar Americans finally, finally hitting the streets--to protest the union-busting, stooge governors whose Big Business manipulators want to use the current economic crisis to cut wages.

The worst case is in Ohio, which, appropriately, is getting the biggest protests.
Millionaire Tea Partier, Gov. John Kasich, claims to be an "anti-elitist populist."
Slinging bullshit like this with a straight face is a true accomplishment
Kasich worked 8 years at Lehman Brothers, the absolute poster child for too-big-to-fail elitism. It was the greed and fraudulent practices of Lehman Brothers that triggered the recession we're all paying for.
This anti-elitist populist then went to work for Rupert Murdoch, the employer of Glenn Beck (the Fox News assclown presently apologizing for an on-air anti-Semitic rant.)

What an insult to the country. Do rich conservatives really believe that blue-collar Americans are so stupid that they'll accept a crypto-Fascist like Glenn Beck and a Wall Street shyster like John Kasich as populists?
They're getting their answer in the streets of Columbus.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

A Tough Decision. Yeah, Sure.

Whatever the outcome in the rapidly changing Middle East, one thing is for certain--the price of oil will rise. It will rise to where it always should have been if the corrupt leaders of the region hadn't been giving the oil away to industrialized countries at the expense of their own impoverished citizens.

New regimes will probably nationalize oil fields so that Middle East countries can finally start benefiting from their own natural resources. This is a good thing--but oil prices will soar.
The U.S. can either use this as a motivation to develop new energy sources OR as an excuse to escalate domestic oil and gas extraction--further destroying the environment for the profit of a few.
Given the reactionary, Big Business stooges currently infesting Congress, I'm not optimistic about this decision.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

" . . . blah, blah, blah, JOBS, blah, blah, blah, DEFICIT, blah, blah,

blah, TAX AND SPEND, blah, blah . . . "
This is what the Tea Partiers on the Hill are saying.

Here is what any truly patriotic American with an IQ higher than a Labrador retriever is hearing:
"At last, an economic crisis! What a perfect opportunity to shit-can all those unions, the EPA, Public Broadcasting, NEA, Planned Parenthood, Medicaid, Social Security . . . "

This is an absolute outrage--particularly the union busting. Many unions have lost the life-savings of their members to fraudulent Wall Street scams. Now the victims are being expected to help the crisis caused by these scams with more sacrifice--while the Wall Street shysters give themselves bonuses.
Americans should be hitting the streets like Egyptians and Libyans.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Great Moments In Hypocrisy #2: Conservatives Outraged By "Activist Judges." Unless, Of Course, The Judge . . .

Here we go again. Once more, the stupidity of an Alaskan governor has put our state in the national spotlight.
New Republican governor, Sean Parnell, is 1 of the 26 governors refusing to accept at least some parts of the new health-care law. He is now the one and only governor to reject the whole package, including federal grants for implementing insurance changes.
Gov. Parnell bases his decision on the Bush-appointed Florida judge, Roger Vinson, who has expressed the opinion that the law is unconstitutional.

Parnell is a very confused man. He seems to think that a judge's opinion is legally binding.
Look, Sean--judges have opinions, just like everyone else. But they're only opinions. When it comes to enacting legislation, we have laws.
Can you imagine what this country would be like if judges' opinions were suddenly legally binding?
"You can't give me a ticket, officer. My buddy, Judge Jones, thinks we should be able to drive as fast as we want."

Apparently, Gov. Parnell cares more about his Tea Party street cred than the Alaskans who would benefit from "Obamacare." Maybe he wants to join up again with Sarah and run as her VP. A perfect pair.
Meanwhile, if you're one of the 100,000 Alaskans without health care, better try to stay healthy. Good luck.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Women: Vote These People Out Of Office--While You Still Can

Despite all the blathering about jobs and the economy, the new Republicans in Washington seem to be more interested in conservative social issues. Particularly women's issues.

And, as usual, they haven't bothered with the facts.
They want a law banning federal funds for abortion. We already have one--it was passed 30 years ago.
They want to dismantle Planned Parenthood--the agency that's efforts with contraception have kept America's abortion rate one of the lowest in the world.

The anti-choice fervor in Congress is so strong and out of touch with reality that one freshman Tea Party congressman has actually introduced a bill that would make killing an abortion doctor "justifiable homicide." (!)
Women and women's rights advocates should be up in arms. At the rate this new reactionary Congress is going, by the time it's finished with business American women will be lucky if they can still vote.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Dear Speaker Boehner,

God bless you for dropping all that nonsense about jobs, medical care, and tax reform and concentrating on what really matters to this country: Abortion.
I've been praying on this matter and God assures me that you are absolutely right. He ain't making no exceptions for rape or incest or medical problems. Abortion is a sin unless it's for the pregnancy of a congressman's mistress and that's all there is to it.
Keep up the good work.

Yours in Christ,

Rev. Phil A. Steen
Zion Baptist Church
1900 Bible Beltway
Columbus, Ohio

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A Prediction

I don't like making predictions, but here goes:
I predict that John Boehner's tearful rise to Speaker of the House will be short-lived. Scandal involving his extra-marital affairs will drive him from office and we will again be subjected to his public waterworks. (I find the weeping over his childhood, which included working in the family business, to be particularly offensive. Come on, John. Your father owned a business--that supported a wife and 12 children. How about kids that grew up in coal mines and sweatshops, or lived on the street? Give me a break!)

And, as a standard hypocritical assclown (Boehner has been fond of praising marriage as the "foundation of American society"), the ex-Speaker will, of course, cop a Jesus plea. Along with the shameless bawling, we will have to endure his being born again as a Christian and . . . Oh hell, you know the drill.

If it sounds like I'm gloating over Boehner's impending doom, you're right.
I can't stand this fool and I'll be happy to see him get what he deserves.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Clean Slate

The Egyptian uprising has produced one of the rarest things in history: a country with a clean slate. Most countries emerge from revolution with a military hero or religious zealot as a preordained leader. The Russian, Chinese, and Cuban revolts resulted in neither egalitarianism nor even true socialism--just Stalinism, Maoism, and Castroism. The poor bastards in Iran traded a homicidal dictator (one of "our SOBs") for a homicidal priest.
Alexandria is famous for its library. I hope that it contains some history books and Egyptians are reading them.

Not a shot was fired in this revolution. For the sake of Egypt, I hope that the first one is reserved for the charismatic demagogue who claims that he alone is the savior of the nation, or the assclown with flowing beard and robes who claims to have God on his side.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Dept. Of Things I Worry About: #1

In the future we will have to rely on alternative energy sources (sources other than fossil fuels) but I don't understand how any of these would apply to our most important vehicle for moving people and cargo--the airplane.
Is it really possible to power a plane with solar panels or electric motors?
There is quite a difference between driving a Prius to the supermarket and flying a 747 across the Atlantic.
If we're going to power airliners with electric motors, it seems to me that we'll need to develop either some incredible new batteries or very long extension cords.
Any suggestions?

Technically challenged but legitimately worried (I think),

Thursday, February 10, 2011

"First One's Free"

Once again I have been the willing victim of what has to be the greatest scam in history.
I have calculated that the ink in the cartridge I just bought for my printer, if it were sold like other commodities, would cost $5,233.19 per gallon.
The purveyors of this precious fluid have apparently taken a lesson from drug dealers: "The first one's free." Indeed, my printer, which cost less than a decent meal in this town, came with a free cartridge. Now I'm hooked.

I guess we should be thankful that it's our printers and not our cars that run on this stuff.
$4.00 gas doesn't sound so bad when you consider that it would set you back $100,000.00 to fill the tank of your SUV with printer-cartridge ink.
To hell with oil--why aren't we drilling for ink?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

A Time For Kicking Bad Habits

Obama just announced that he's "kicked the cigarette habit." Congratulations.
Now how about kicking another bad habit--America's habit of backing the wrong side in popular uprisings.
Come on, Barack, you can do it--voice your support for the revolutionaries in Cairo. Be the shining knight of freedom and democracy that people once expected from this country. Be that guy. We backed Mubarak for 30 years but you were no part of that. Come on, go for it!
And screw all that "orderly" and "gradual" crap. Suleiman has proclaimed that "Egypt is not ready for democracy. Change must be gradual." Gradual. What the hell does that even mean--the Egyptian gestapo will arrest and torture a few less dissidents every month they finally go cold turkey?
Come on, Barack--here's your big chance to get on the right side of history and be a hero. Come on!

This revolution has a great chance for success because it's secular, and, more importantly, it has no single leader to take a whiff of power and turn into a megalomaniac monster--as has been the fate of most modern revolutions.
The Egyptian quest for a true democracy might actually work and we need to fully support it.

Come on, Barack--take your head out of your policy-wonk ass and walk like an Egyptian. Or at least like the sort of American president that the world has hoped for.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

He's Talkin' The Talk, But Will Obama Walk Like An Egyptian?

The new events in Cairo are hardly surprising. Fascists like Mubarak seldom give up power without a fight.
And Washington neo-cons and the pro-Israel Religious Right are going to be reluctant to give up Mubarak without a fight.

It's really hilarious watching the McConnell/Boehner gang of hypocritical assclowns suddenly claiming that they "trust Obama to make his own decisions on Egypt." In other words, they know that the president is in a tight spot. Whatever he does, he will piss off a certain block of American voters and they want no part of it. The main concern of these jackals is not American policy but making political hay if it fails. This is the new conservative version of "patriotism."

What I hope Obama does is--nothing. Egyptians have the right to determine their own future without our meddling. Whatever happens, the world will certainly be better off without Mubarak.
Wait a minute! There isn't a Hosni Dubya Mubarak back home, is there?

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Good Luck, Egypt

My god, has any president ever had more shit dropped in his lap? This Egyptian thing has Obama once more between Iraq and a hard place.
So far he is following textbook American policy, which is to preserve our economic interests by supporting any non-socialist dictator until he is overthrown and then switch sides. (Romania is a perfect example. George The First backed the monster Ceausescu until he was shot. He then shouted "Death to all tyrants!" and praised the brave people of Romania.)

The wrinkle in this policy is that the new leader might be a socialist-- and we have to intervene. Remember Chile? After we assassinated Allende, Dr. Kissinger famously announced: "We gave them the right to vote, but they elected the wrong man."

With Egypt there is a new wrinkle. Besides the country coming into the hands of a "socialist" who would return its oil wealth to its people instead of American and European corporations, the new leader might be a Muslim fundamentalist. And that's a serious problem.
It's going to be interesting to see how things in Egypt play out and how our government responds.

The Egyptians seem to be following a sane path toward a better government and I wish them luck.

Monday, January 31, 2011

"He's An S.O.B., But He's Our S.O.B."--Cordell Hull

The above quote has been credited to FDR's secretary of state in a discussion about the Dominican dictator, Trujillo.
I hope that Obama's state dept. has progressed beyond this attitude. Our current S.O.B. in Egypt, feudal relic Hosni Mubarak, is a reeking piece of human garbage that should have been thrown out decades ago.
Equally odoriferous is Secretary Clinton's ridiculous claim that we will support only "peaceful and orderly regime changes."
Right, Hillary--like the regime changes forced by our peaceful and orderly bombings of Iran, Iraq, Vietnam, Chile, El Salvador, Nicaragua . . .

It seems to me that America's foreign policy promise of "spreading democracy" demands our full support for the Egyptian uprising. Here's a chance for us to get it right for once.
Don't count on it.

"He's An S.O.B., But He's Our S.O.B."

Friday, January 28, 2011

"Taking Back America"--For Its Richest 2%

Okay, I give up--what exactly am I paying Federal Income Tax for?
Our conservative patriots in Congress have announced that they will save the nation by cutting federal funds for: Education, Agriculture, Transportation, The Environment, Art, Radio&TV, Food Safety, Social Security, Medicare . . .
In other words, everything you'd expect a halfway enlightened government to fund right off the top--before indulging anything left over in some fun stuff like invading foreign countries or helping out wealthy swindlers.

Amazingly, we don't have enough money to pay teachers or air-traffic-controllers, but we can afford to give every American millionaire an average $125,000/year tax break.
Give me a fucking break!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

"I Don't Care If My Family Has To Live On The Street--No One's Turning This Country Into Another Canada!"

I love it. The Washington lawmakers screaming the loudest about "job killing" Obamacare are the same folks who blocked the single-payer, universal coverage option originally favored by Obama and liberal Democrats.
That option would have ended the health-insurance burden and freed American businesses, from GM to the mom & pop corner store, to hire tens of thousands of new workers.
But, of course, it would have sent us down the road to becoming a nightmarish, socialist hell-on-earth--you know, like Canada, Sweden, or Holland.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

" . . . Best Health Care System In The World"

Of course John Boehner loves our current health care system--because of his wealth and his job, he doesn't have to deal with it.

I'd like to see a 28th Amendment to the Constitution. It would consist of 2 parts:
1.) Government officials must only have the same medical coverage as the lowest-income Americans.
2.) The families of all members of the the 3 branches of the federal government will automatically be drafted into the military when the U.S. takes up arms against a foreign country.

This would suddenly be the healthiest, most peaceful nation on Earth.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

"The Business Of America Is Business"

When Calvin Coolidge made this famous statement, business mostly meant producing goods in exchange for cash. Times have changed.

Unemployed Worker: "Glad to meet you. What do you do for a living?"
Wall Street Assclown: "I make money."
UW: "I mean, what do you do?"
WSA: "I told you, I make money."
UW: "That's a job, making money?"
WSA: "Sure."
UW: "But what is there at the end of the day that wasn't there before you went to work?"
WSA: "Nothing, just more money on my computer screen."
UW: "Wow! Can I find a job like that?"
WSA: "Sure. Go get an MBA from Harvard."
UW: "Where would I get the money to go to Harvard?"
WSA: "You borrow it from me, of course. Then I can put more money on my computer screen without getting my hands dirty. What the fuck's wrong with you?"

We used to have factories, now we have office buildings.
A corporation makes clavens that sell for $10, while paying 100 employees $20/hr. to sit in cubicles and push around information about the $10 dollar clavens--with money that only exists on computer screens provided by investors who produce nothing.

Yeah, I don't see why that won't work.

Monday, January 17, 2011

The American Worker, Proudly Feeding The Hand That Bites It

Is there no end to this insanity? Not satisfied with new laws allowing corporations to donate all they want to political campaigns, Republicans in Washington now want to ban labor unions from making similar donations. Beautiful! The land of the free and home of the brave--where management can influence political decisions but not labor. Why don't we dissolve Congress, turn the nation over to the CEOs of the giant corporations and be done with it?

And the truly sickening thing is that bullshit propaganda from the NRA, Tea Parties, and the Religious Right has American workers supporting the lawmakers that are screwing them.

What's happened to this country? Is blue-collar America really willing to accept lower wages and benefits in exchange for the right to buy a machine gun at the nearest 7-11 or have its children sing "Jesus Loves Me" in civics class?
The men who fought and died for the labor movement in this country have got to be spinning.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

When Brains Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Bumper Stickers That Make Sense

Guns DO kill people. The type of gun used by Jared Loughner is an enabler--it enabled him to kill 6 people in 10 seconds. Committing this level of mayhem with a knife, club, bow, or deer rifle is just plain impossible.
What the hell would we lose by banning 30-bullet clips except the ability of lunatics to commit mass murder?

To those who feel the need to carry extended-clip machine-pistols:
They're doing wonders with penis enlargement these days. You might want to look into this.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

" . . . Cheerios, A Tube Of Colgate, And Oh Yeah, A Couple .38 Clips."

I'm not sure that this is relevant, but I think it's worth remembering that the Constitution was written over 2 centuries ago--with a feather dipped in octopus splooge.

At the time, guns were heavy, cumbersome devices that fired a single wobbly shot. They required the length of a Top-40 rap song to reload and an expert marksman to hit anything smaller than a Cadillac Escalade 20 yards away. They were extremely expensive and in short supply, which is why few citizens owned them.
I seriously doubt that the authors of the Second Amendment envisioned concealable, automatic pistols available at the corner store for a day's wages.

By the way, I'm a gun owner. I support stricter gun laws and would consider joining the Girl Scouts before the NRA.

Monday, January 10, 2011

"Don't Be Fooled--This Is How It Starts. You Ban The Insane From Buying Guns And Pretty Soon . . ."

I haven't heard the talking heads mention that Jared Loughner tried repeatedly to enlist in the military--and was rejected for psychological reasons.
This is an area in which I have some experience. During wartime, and we are currently fighting 2 wars, the Army (despite the "Looking For A Few Good Men" bullshit) rejects very few. If you have 4 limbs and can write your own name, they'll take a chance on you.
Mental stability? From what I've seen, if you showed up at a recruiting station naked, with a feather-duster up your ass singing Wagner, the Army would sign you up and try to "rehabilitate" you.
They rejected Jared Loughner.
He had no trouble buying a gun.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

No, They Haven't Stopped Beating Their Wives, Either

HR2: Repeal of the Job-Killing Health Care Law.
OMG! This means . . this means that if you vote against the bill you are officially in favor of killing jobs. Oh wow, you really got us on that one.
Can you imagine the intellects of the assclowns who actually believe that this bit of classical, juvenile sophistry is a clever trick? It's truly depressing.

A law to allow more pollution is called the "Clean Air Act", a law that nullifies the Bill of Rights is "The Patriot Act." The Estate Tax, an attempt to squeeze a few bucks from our tax-cheating, millionaire patriots is (my favorite) the "Death Tax"--as if you could tax someone for dying.

Now we are being told (and told, and told--Boehner used the phrase "job-killing" 7 time in a 14-minute speech last Thursday, without ever mentioning a specific job that's being killed) that Health Care is "Job Killing."
Put on your snorkels, folks--the bullshit dam has broken and we are all about to drown.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Dear Glenn Beck, John Boehner,

Look you fucking pansies, there is no crying in Right-Wing propaganda!
Knock off the waterworks or I'll give you fags something to cry about. I'll kick your asses like you were hippie protesters at a Richard Nixon prayer breakfast. Don't make me come down there!

G. Gordon Liddy
Over the Hill and Beyond the Pale, Maryland
United By God States Of Fucking America

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Tea Party Pooper

The new Congress convened yesterday and already Boehner is talking about cutting Social Security and Medicare--while we continue dumping trillions into the bottomless money pits of counter-productive Middle East wars without a peep from our lawmakers. Apparently, this insanity has become a Congressional Entitlement.

Historically, how often has a major power won an overseas guerrilla war?

The irony of our conservative "patriots" adopting the Boston Tea Party for a symbol is particularly rich.
The original Tea Partiers were guerrillas fighting an imperialistic super-power. Sound familiar?
If what we're attempting in Iraq, Afghanistan and beyond had a chance of success, we'd still be a tea-drinking nation--and driving to the cricket match on the left side of the road.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Gospel According To Dale Earnhardt

Followers of this blog know my opinion of auto racing (along with all other activities combining Southern accents with the internal combustion engine) and religion.
Imagine my reaction when I tuned in Public TV last night and was confronted with a documentary on: Christian Auto Racing.

There it was: A pack of yayhoos chasing their own tailpipes on a racetrack, stages filled with blissed-out shysters spewing Bronze Age insanity, desperately cheerful lost souls gushing about "Jesus in their pit crews," all accompanied by the ultimate horror--Christian rap music.

And, of course, there were souvenirs to buy: CDs, posters, new versions of the Bible (translated into monosyllables?) I thought about sending off for a token myself--just for proof that this hell-on-earth actually exists.
Or maybe it doesn't. Maybe it was all a bad dream, some nightmare of my own over-active imagination plus the can of sardines and pint of Cherry Garcia I had for dinner. Yes, it could have been merely a dream--right? Right? RIGHT? Please tell me it could have been a dream, please, please, please . . . .

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year!

For my New Year's resolution, I've decided to be less confrontational with those whose views I don't share.
Glenn Beck is a human being and deserves to be treated with respect. Just because he is a shameless, opportunistic, lying assclown, this is no excuse for showering him with insults or making fun of the knuckle-dragging cretins who support him. We are all brothers. Even though Rush Limbaugh is an ignorant, hypocritical, pill-popping racist sexist slob, he is still a member of the Family of Man and . . Yeah, right! Hey, I ain't changing and no one gets a break--not this year nor any other.
Happy New Year!