Friday, October 30, 2009

" . . . Did Not Die In Vain." How Many Times Must The Relatives Of Dead U.S. Soldiers Hear This Outrageous Lie?

John Kerry is hardly known for his eloquence, but I'm haunted by his words: "How would it feel to be the last soldier killed in Vietnam?" We can now add Iraq and Afghanistan to this question.
There is no winning the war in Afghanistan. Eventually, we will withdraw and listen to more speeches every Memorial Day about how our soldiers in Afghanistan who died in vain did not die in vain.
We simply need to cut our losses and stop adding to the pain.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Levi to Expose the Secret of His Success

Word on the street is that Levi Johnston will be posing nude for "Playgirl."
This should certainly erase any doubt that the Palins' had about Levi's ambition or his ability to provide for Bristol's love child. And they thought the Johnstons' could only earn a living by selling drugs!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Too Bad He's Not an Illegal Mexican or a Hippie with a Couple Ounces of Pot--We'd Catch Him Tomorrow

The hunt for boogyman, Osama bin Laden, continues. I wonder how hard we're really looking.
Without Osama, there is less rationale for the War on Terrorism. Without a War on Terrorism, we might have to wage a War on Genocide, or a War on Global Warming--which would not be particularly profitable for the military-industrial complex.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Deja Vu

On the eve of Afghanistan's second phony election to re-elect the same phony government, I have to ask: Is there anyone in Washington who remembers Vietnam? (And the string of crooked thugs we propped up in Saigon?)
I don't know what the hell our objectives are in Afghanistan, but supporting a corrupt, unpopular leader isn't going to help.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

But She Underlined the Good Gay-Bashing Stuff

Sarah Palin is back in the news. Still the darling of the Religious Right, she is now starting her own political party. Apparently, not even the Republican extremists are religious enough or right enough for her.
Here's an interesting point to ponder:
If this were really the "Christian country" that Ms. Palin claims, none of us would ever have heard of her. As an inherently dirty, inferior person put on earth only to serve men, she would have been stuck at home cooking and washing as God ordained.

Monday, October 19, 2009

How to Gain Immortality: Come to Alaska and Do Something Stupid

Happy Alaska Day! Today is the anniversary of Russia selling us Alaska for 3 cents/acre (the current value of my globally-warmed swampland in Fairbanks). We take the holiday fairly seriously here--I even got the day off from work with pay.

Appropriately, I see that Levi Johnston is in the news again. Is there no end to this bullshit? Alaska is filled with remarkable people, but the media and film industry keep focusing on our biggest fools.
Have you seen "Grizzly Man"? Despite the tragic ending, most Alaskans consider this film a comedy. What an obnoxious assclown! I fail to see how anyone can get 5 minutes into this thing without starting to root for the bears.
"Into The Wild" is equally ridiculous. Some screwed-up kid rejects the advice of helpful Alaskans and manages to starve to death in a place that local bush rats would consider suburbia. Great story!
There are people here who, through brains and determination, have survived incredible ordeals in the Alaskan bush. Why doesn't Sean Penn do a movie on one of them?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Frustration Illustrated

Hey, let's have some fun!
How frustrating is it to watch American reactionaries resist a sane health-care system?
Sometimes (rarely) words fail me, so let me illustrate my frustration with a little "physical therapy":
While you're sitting at your computer reading this, lift your right foot slightly off the floor and move it in clockwise circles. Now trace a number "6" in the air with your right index finger and continue the clockwise motion of your foot. Good luck.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Must Be Doing Something Right

The American insurance industry has just launched a frenzied, all-out assault on Obama's health-care reform--a sure sign that he is on the right track.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Afghans Rejoice at Being Bombed by Peace Laureate

Obama's Nobel Peace Prize is fairly ridiculous. (There are many people sacrificing their lives for peace rather than just talking about it.) I can only understand this as the world's way of rewarding America for being rid of George Bush and keeping Sarah Palin out of Washington.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I Wonder How He'd Do in a Maze

I can't believe that Obama is contemplating an escalation of the Afghan war. With Vietnam fresh in our memory and troops still withdrawing from the mess in Iraq, he wants to make the same mistake again?
My god--a fucking laboratory rat won't push the same button that gives it a shock 3 times!
Is it too much to expect the same level of common sense from a Harvard graduate?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I'd Say That Clearly Evens the Score

I listened on the net last night to a fiery speech from some crazed Middle-Eastern mullah. He reminded us that Arabs gave the world mathematics and astronomy.
I'd like to remind him that Europeans gave the world silverware and toilet paper.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Threat-Level Colors: Our Best Idea Since Painting Faces on Helicopters to Scare the Vietnamese

The Dept. of Homeland Security has announced that it wants to upgrade the color-coded threat-level scheme. I'd like to offer a suggestion for the new scheme:
YELLOW--There might be an attack, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?
ORANGE--There might be an attack, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?
RED--There might be an attack, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?

Friday, October 2, 2009

Too Bad Obama Isn't Just Trying to Start a War

The Republicans and the special interests that they represent are right: No president should be allowed to rush us into something as important as health care.
A president should only be allowed to rush us into something trivial--like invading a foreign country.