"Defending" America

The Defense Department was first called the War Department. I think it's time we restored the original name.
What has the Defense Department defended us against lately--some impoverished peasants in Vietnam, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Chile, Iraq? The vicious hordes of Grenada? GRENADA? I can't even find the fucking place on a map. Now we're being defended against a bunch of illiterate goatherds with antique weapons lurking in the remote mountains of Afghanistan.

I say, we bring back War Department. What does this agency do but keep us in constant, useless wars?
And here, here's really the best part--when America was actually attacked, our "expert" assclowns in the Pentagon with their trillion-dollar budgets couldn't defend us against 19 civilians armed with 79-cent box-cutters.

This country would be safer if we paid the Defense Department a few billion dollars each year to do nothing.