Tuesday, August 31, 2010

No Way

I was glad to see Obama honor his commitment to withdraw combat troops from Iraq with dignity. This was war, people died. They will continue to die.
I suppose he could have flown in on an Air Force jet amidst giant flags and patriotic posters, and blathered about our supposed "accomplishments" in Iraq. But of course, there's no way any American leader could be dumb enough to pull something like that.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Backwards Ho!

Concerning Glenn Beck's Washington shit-show:
At least the man has finally displayed some honesty. To quote this king of the reactionary assclowns own words, "I want to bring America back to what it was."
What exactly would you bring back, Glenn?
Segregation? Child labor? Lynching? Exclusionary immigration laws? 12-hour work days? Black lung? Sweat shops? Back-alley abortions? Genocide? Usury? Mysogyny? Amos'an'Andy? Hymie 'an'Abie? "No Irish Need Apply"? Minstrel shows? Blackface? Indentured servitude? Sharecropping? Company stores? Religious quotas? KKK? Monopolies? Censorship? Blacklisting? McCarthyism? Rats in sausage? Tapeworms in diet pills? Burning rivers? . . . .

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Speaking Of Drugs . . .

If the Chilean government doesn't send those trapped miners all the pot and whatever other drugs they want, it should be tried for crimes against humanity.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

With Legal Drugs, Would 30,000 People Per Yaer O.D.? And Who Gives A Shit If They Did?

The solution to the drug violence in Mexico and along the Mexican-American border is obvious: Legalize the goddamn drugs!
That this has not at least been tried strikes me as absolute proof that the Mexican government and "honest businessmen" on both sides of the border are profitting by the illegal drug trade.

30,00 deaths in the gang wars this year--many of them innocent victims killed in their own homes. What could legalizing drugs possibly produce that is worse than the present situation?

Friday, August 27, 2010

For Starters . . .

There's a head game I like to play. I pretend that I have just landed here from another world and am making fresh observations on the human race. Judging by the current state of things, I belive that my first two recommendations would be:
1.) Legalize drugs
2.) Outlaw religion

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Hey, There's No Commandment Against Water-Boarding--So It Must Be All Right

I love it. Obama is being taken to task by many because he doesn't make a public spectacle of his religious beliefs.
George W. Bush started one of the phoniest wars of all time in which thousands were needlessly killed, maimed, and tortured. But he goes to church every Sunday, so he is considered by good Christians to be a righteous man.

Obama doesn't go to church. Therefore, clearly he is a heathen.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

"Praise Allah, The Flood Didn't Damage Any Missiles. Pass The Grass."

One of our supposed allies, Pakistan, is currently experiencing an immense natural disaster. Its leadership is so corrupt and uncaring that millions of Pakistani flood victims have no food or water. What they do have plenty of is: Nuclear Missiles.

Pakistan's former president, Ali Bhutto, famously proclaimed, "We'll get the bomb if my people have to eat grass."
Now they scarcely have that. And the U.S. will lead the world in coming to Pakistan's aid while its government officials sit on their hands in their mansions. They know that fear of Muslim extremists taking advantage of the crisis will ensure our help.

These are our "friends" in the Middle East.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

"I Pledge Allegiance . . . . . . With Liberty For Some And Guns For All"

You've just got to sit back and laugh. Our patriotic assclowns have gone from cherry-picking the Bible to cherry-picking the Constitution.
They can read hundreds of pages of Scripture with nothing registering but "homosexuality is a no-no."
Similarly, they can read the entire Constitution and retain only that we have "the right to bear arms." Freedom of speech? Freedom of religion? The Fourteenth Amendment? These can be swept under the rug when convenient. The Second Amendment alone is chiseled in stone for our God-and-Country reactionaries.
These sheep would sacrifice every principle that this country was founded on if the NRA said it was okay.

Friday, August 20, 2010

With Patriots Like These, Who Needs Enemies?

Well, once again, our conservative "patriots" have become an embarrassment to the country. How can these people not see that denying full religious freedom to American Muslims is another victory for the terrorists? Every time we compromise our own values, they win. The Bush administration handed anti-American terrorists a victory by sanctioning torture--now some of our leaders would hand them another victory by forsaking the Bill of Rights.
It's hard to believe that Newt Gingrich, a presidential hopeful, would actually deny First Amendment rights to some Americans.
American Muslims must be feeling the way German Jews felt during Hitler's rise to power.

Concerning that proposed mosque in Manhattan, it's certainly a relief to see that Obama has ignored political pressure and taken the high road.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Bring Back The Draft, Establish A "War Tax"--Let's See Who Really Wants War

I am still disturbed by all those goddamn I Support The Troops stickers.
My attitude can best be illustrated by an experience I had way back at the start of the Iraq war. Some neighbors came to me with the idea of erecting an I Support sign. My response was: "Okay, what do you propose we do to support the troops." This was greeted with blank stares. Apparently, what they proposed doing was erecting a sign.
It seemed to me then and still does now that any such advertisement should have to be earned. In other words, if you claim to support the troops, you should have to actually do something to support the troops: Enlist in the military, join the Red Cross, take a 2nd job in a defense plant, give blood, donate money, send care packages, volunteer with the USO--something.

How will we ever stop our involvement in these insane, unwinnable wars if the only "sacrifice" most Americans need to make is sticking a fucking ribbon on the family car?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Dear Press Secretary Gibbs,

I would love to vote for Dennis Kucinich. The man is brilliant and possibly the only true progressive in Washington. I hope he runs for president again. If Kucinich were in the White House, I doubt that we'd have to deal with arrogant assholes like yourself.
A progressive Democrat who is beginning to seriously wonder why he should support the present administration in the next election.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Future Candidates Vow Not To Pull Out

The news that Levi Johnston will be running for mayor of Wasilla is being well received around here. Hopefully, the resourceful Mr. Johnston has started a proud new Alaskan tradition:
Whoever knocks up one of Sarah Palin's daughters gets to be mayor of Wasilla.

Since Bristol's 2 sisters, Willow and Piper are coming of age (rumors of a 4th sister, Cessna, can't be confirmed) we can rest assured that the jewel of Alaska, Wasilla, should be in good hands for years to come.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

A Little Oil Will Just Make 'Em Slide Down Easier

Concerning those ads reassuring us about Gulf seafood:
Are you shitting me? This is America--if your body can survive a double-bacon-cheeseburger washed down with a mixture of corn syrup and coal-tar derivatives, surely it can handle a shrimp that may have done the backstroke through an oil sheen.
Support those Louisiana fishermen. Bon appetit!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Plugging Offensive Orifices

I just can't help it. Every time I hear references to BP ramming mud and cement down into a poison-spewing hole, fantasies involving Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and Bill O'Reilly float through my mind.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Yeah, But Does China Have Online Chat Rooms For Pets, Or Drive-Thrus Serving A Hamburger Patty Between 2 Grilled-Cheese Sandwiches Instead Of A Bun?

We let the Japanese beat us at our own game by producing the efficient cars that consumers wanted while Detroit went bankrupt cranking out gas-guzzling relics.
Now we're letting China lead the world in the production of alternative-energy hardware--while we sit on our fat, oil-dependent ass, watching from the sidelines.

Our ingrained conservatism, plus our marriage to Big Oil and Big Coal is killing us. The innovative, pioneering spirit that once characterized this country seems to be now directed solely toward the creation of new forms of Fast Food and Social Networking.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I Have A Dream

I am sometimes accused of being a cynic, for merely describing the world as I see it--a world that I would sincerely like to be a better place.
It might surprise you to know that I have an optimistic streak. It keeps alive my hope that Obama will be re-elected, and, with nothing to lose, he will instantly:
1.) Remove all American soldiers and mercs from the Middle East
2.) Throw Dubya, Cheney, and Rumsfeld in prison
3.) Legalize marijuana
4.) Change the national anthem to "America The Beautiful." Or "Lou-ie Lou-ie" or . . . . anything but what we've got now.
5.) Have Levi Johnston neutered
6.) Support the right for all people in love enough to be married to get married, and for all people crazy enough to join the Army to join the Army
7.) Create a cabinet post for Michael Moore