Friday, May 30, 2008

Still Don't Get It

Since my last entry, I've been informed that there is really more to NASCAR than cars going around in a circle.
For instance, there is the Pit Stop. This involves two of my favorite activities: stopping for gas and changing my tires. If I could, I'd get gas and change my tires every day. Makes you wonder why more people don't hang out at gas stations--they could be getting that kind of action all day!
For those of you claiming that it's not just about the crashes, here's a question: What do they show when they show the "highlights"? Let me repeat that: What . . . do . . . they . . . show . . . when . . . they . . . show . . . the . . . highlights?

I try to keep an open mind. Maybe some day I'll come to love stock car racing. Yeah--and maybe some day I'll live in a double-wide with my favorite cousin.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

I Just Don't Get It

I will freely admit to possessing some ironclad, gold-plated, chiseled-in-stone, non-negotiable prejudices. Here is one of them:
I Detest Auto Racing.
The recent elevation of NASCAR to the status of mainstream entertainment has fueled by belief in the erosion of the American intellect. That and the election of George W. Bush. Of course, it's no surprise that people entertained by loud, shiny things going around in a circle would choose Dubya to be their president.
A friend once took me to a live race in the hope of curing my prejudice. This only deepened it. Without the overview provided by TV, there was even less to see--just an occasional car whizzing by. Period. Somehow, this rewarding experience was not enhanced by the introduction of choking fumes, ear-splitting noise, and the spectre of 10,000 drunken rednecks in the same place at the same time.
I just don't get it.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Acid in the Holy Water?

The Official Vatican Astronomer(!) has just proclaimed that it's okay to believe in life on other planets.
Thank you.
Then, employing a theological calculus as baroque as any ornament in the Papal Palace, the Official Vatican Astronomer announced that inhabitants of other worlds might be free of Original Sin.
This has left me wondering:
Is there an Official Vatican Drug Connection?

Friday, May 16, 2008

It Pays to Think Big

While strolling on the beach today, I met a "squatter" who is literally living in a hole in the ground. His home is a small cave dug into a hillside, furnished with scraps of discarded pallet wood and rusty sheet metal. He proudly informed me that by living this way he is saving $700.00 a month.
I accused him of thinking small. Why not move down to Seattle and live in a hole in the ground there? Given the high cost of apartments in that town, he could probably find a neighborhood to not live in that would save him $1500.00 a month. Why not save some real money?
Usually I don't like to give out advice, but it has always disturbed me to see someone not living up to his full potential.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

For a Photo of Mr. Barr, See "H" in the Encyclopedia

Bob Barr, former congressman from Georgia, is running for president as a Libertarian.
You may remember Rep. Barr from a few years back when he was foaming at the mouth with righteous indignation (if a camera was handy) over the twin evils of abortion and Bill Clinton's marital infidelity--until he was discovered financing an abortion for his mistress.
Talk about a Perfect Storm of Hypocrisy!
If the Libertarian Party is attempting the seemingly impossible task of providing this suffering nation with a leader more disgraceful than George Bush, they just may have found their man.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Our Connecticut Cowboy

Thinking back upon the 8-year disaster known as George W. Bush, several things amaze me. Among them is: How did a man born into one of the wealthiest, most privileged families in the country spin himself into a blue-collar hero. (I have never worked alongside a fellow carpenter who owned a 1,500 acre ranch or a seaside "family compound" in Maine. Where's your family compound?) I've also never worked with anyone who was a Yale cheerleader. (Now there's something to be chiseled in stone at the George W. Bush Presidential Library: First college cheerleader to become president.) So, how did a frat boy you'd wanna go on spring break with become a good ol' boy you'd wanna go have a beer with?
Send your e-mail address and $5.00 to
Joe Karson, 203 W. 3rd ST., #D, Juneau, Ak. 99801 to receive "BASS MAN"--my humorous and insightful essay on Dubya and his relation to contemporary American society. $10.00 for a signed hard copy.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

No Airline Bargains?

I just looked up the price for a flight from Juneau to Anchorage, and was happy to see my computer light up with $250.00 in huge, boldface print. Yes! This is fairly reasonable. Of course, if you want to actually get on a plane and fly to Anchorage, that's gonna cost you $330.00 (small print). You see, there is an additional fee for purchasing the ticket.
So, let's break this down:
Flying to Anchorage with a purchased ticket . . . . . $330.00
Staying in Juneau with an un-purchased ticket . . . $250.00
Difference in price . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . .$80.00
All right! By keeping the price of not leaving Juneau so low, Alaska Airlines is allowing me to fly to Anchorage for a mere $80.00. Talk about a bargain! Given the cost of living in Juneau, if I don't fly to Anchorage on Alaska Airlines I'm losing money.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Hard to be Concentrationing When the Shine is Sunning

Nothing to report today but my spring fever. A sunny day at last!
Outside my window flowers are blooming, birds are chirping, the willows are pussying.
Pardon me for succumbing to this current fad for transforming parts of speech, but if "disconnect" can be a noun, "pussy" can be a verb."

Monday, May 5, 2008

How to Correctly Serenade Your Bitch

Sorry to bring up again my distaste for current pop music, but I can't help it. It's like an itch I love to scratch.
Recently I went through a Rolling Stone from a couple years back and found that two of the best-selling singles of the day were: "Date Rape" and "Me and My Bitch." (I am not making this up!) Apparently, these are contemporary love songs.
Of these two songs, I find the latter to be most troubling. Couldn't it be "My Bitch and I"?
If we are going to raise a generation of men that refers to women as "bitches," can't it at least do so in a grammatically correct fashion?

Friday, May 2, 2008

Such a Deal!

Although they have been victimized by the most ignorant and unjust forms of racial stereotyping, I can't help noting that:
The Jews may have actually pulled off the greatest deal in all of history--they sold the world Christianity, then didn't buy any themselves.