I Wonder How He'd Do in a Maze

I can't believe that Obama is contemplating an escalation of the Afghan war. With Vietnam fresh in our memory and troops still withdrawing from the mess in Iraq, he wants to make the same mistake again?
My god--a fucking laboratory rat won't push the same button that gives it a shock 3 times!
Is it too much to expect the same level of common sense from a Harvard graduate?

I'd Say That Clearly Evens the Score

I listened on the net last night to a fiery speech from some crazed Middle-Eastern mullah. He reminded us that Arabs gave the world mathematics and astronomy.
I'd like to remind him that Europeans gave the world silverware and toilet paper.

Threat-Level Colors: Our Best Idea Since Painting Faces on Helicopters to Scare the Vietnamese

The Dept. of Homeland Security has announced that it wants to upgrade the color-coded threat-level scheme. I'd like to offer a suggestion for the new scheme:
YELLOW--There might be an attack, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?
ORANGE--There might be an attack, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?
RED--There might be an attack, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?

Too Bad Obama Isn't Just Trying to Start a War

The Republicans and the special interests that they represent are right: No president should be allowed to rush us into something as important as health care.
A president should only be allowed to rush us into something trivial--like invading a foreign country.

Washington Conservatives Give Selves Vote of No Confidence

What an embarrassing travesty the health care debate has become. Our senators and representatives in D.C. who oppose any government-run options for health insurance maintain that anything run by the federal government will be wasteful, corrupt, too expensive, inefficient, and doomed to failure. Hey--YOU ARE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT!
These fools don't believe that they are competent enough to provide Americans with what has been accomplished in every other democracy in the world?
Considering that they have presided over the dumbest war in history and a collapse of the worldwide financial system in order to enrich a handful of greedheads, they might have a point.

Some New Rules

Looking at the current world mess, I wonder if some universal rules might not help. Here's a few for starters:
1.) Countries on or below the Equator or having an average summer temperature capable of cooking an omelet should not be allowed to govern themselves.
2.) Countries with heads of state under 5'6'' tall should be denied access to uranium.
3.) Any country with a population exceeding its GNP should be made to adopt birth control or a sensible religion.

Got any more suggestions?

Just My Luck To Be Neither

With Obama hating white people and his adversaries hating sick people, I guess the best thing to be in America right now is a healthy black person.