Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Take Me To Your . . . No, Just Get Me The Hell Out Of Here!

If an alien scout came to Earth, I wonder what he (she?it?) would make of all our churches, temples, cathedrals, shrines, and religious rituals. What were those strange symbols, incantations, costumes, elaborate rites about? And I'm sure that a Catholic mass would seem every bit as bizarre as the wildest, drum-driven ceremony in the African bush or along the Amazon. Men beating their heads against a wall in Jerusalem, raving in non-languages and tossing around snakes in Appalachia--what the fuck! [alien equivalent]

Then imagine this visitors's further bewilderment upon discovering that nearly all our mass killings and wars were connected to these baffling institutions.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Mother Knows Best

Demonstrating again her serious presidential potential, Sarah Palin has bravely confronted the tyrannical Obama administration in defense of the American Way.

Yes, Sarah, as Americans we have the right to raise fat, unhealthy children--just as you had the right to raise two juvenile delinquents and an unwed teenage mother.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

All Is Calm, All Is Bright

A good Christmas. Second one in a row without ever once hearing any version of "The Little Drummer Boy" or Aaron Neville singing "Silent Night." Yes!

I did enjoy a nice version of the "Nutcracker." When it comes to this subject I must admit being a bit (shudder) conservative. Don't make me turn in my Progressive card, but I definitely favor classical ballet over modern dance. Sorry. I just find graceful leaps and spins accompanied by catchy tunes more appealing than quirky, mime-like posturing set to overly-intellectualized music that often sounds to me like an orchestra being kicked down a flight of stairs.

. . . and to all a good night.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Miracle On E. Capitol St. N.E.

In a surprise outpouring of Christmas spirit, the Senate is suspending Tea-had against the president to ratify the new nuclear arms treaty with Russia.
Die-hard Scrooges minority leader McConnell and his gang continue to oppose this "irresponsible" treaty. That's right, Mitch, reducing our nuclear arms to the potential for destroying the world merely 15 times instead of 20 is definitely irresponsible. Hey, sometimes you just have to go out on a limb to promote world peace.

Silent fucking night! Pass the organic cage-free eggnog.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Flying Virgins, Reindeer Healing The Sick, Whatever

If an alien scout came to Earth during the Christmas season, I wonder which character he would find harder to swallow--Jesus or Santa Claus.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Fast-Food For Thought

Here's a question for McCain, McConnell, and all our other conservative McSenators still blathering about the non-problem of gay sodiers:
In the history of the U.S. military, with all the thousands of gays that have served, how many cases have there been of same-sex sexual harassment? How many cases of male-on-female harassment and actual rape?

34% of active-duty female soldiers have reported being sexually harassed. (!)
If our McSenators want a big fat Super-Sized Happy Meal of a problem to tackle, HOW ABOUT THAT ONE?

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Every Time A Working-Class American Is Screwed, An Angel Gets Its Wings

"Never give a sucker an even break." --W.C. Fields

It looks like the 237 millionaires who comprise 44% of Congress (opposed to 1% of the general public) are going to succeed in voting themselves a nice tax break.
I guess that the 99% of us who will be thrown a crumb are "collateral damage" in the class war being waged by our wealthy lawmakers.

And here's the best part--as soon as the new tax law passes, the millionaire assclowns who benefit the most are going to scream their heads off about how Obama has added another trillion to the deficit. Just wait and see.

The mathematics here is fascinating:
If you give a million working slobs one dollar apiece, that adds one million dollars to the deficit.
If you give one rich guy a million dollars, that's a million dollars invested in the economy.

60% of Americans believe in angels, 30% believe in Evolution. Can you blame the Washington shysters for attempting such obvious cons?

Friday, December 10, 2010

Comparative Religion

I see that the State Department is concerned over the growing number of Latinos turning to radical Islam. Is this really surprising? When it comes to being an enabler for mayhem, Allah has Jesus beat all to hell. No contest.
If a government thug in South America murders some innocent citizens, he faces the inconvenience of going to church and confessing his deed so that the gates of Paradise will remain open to him. What a hassle! A Muslim jihadist committing a similar crime can claim a heavenly reward without all that trouble. And, of course, if he sacrifices his life, a bevy of virgins awaits. (I'm still curious about what all those female suicide bombers get--other than release from a society that considers women second-class humans on earth and sex objects in heaven.)
So, if you're a sick fuck shopping for an absurd religious fantasy to aid your homicidal ambitions, the choice is clear. Don't sell yourself short. Allahu Akbar!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Paradise Lost

The mid-term elections were called a referendum on Obama, but I think that they were more of a referendum on the American people. And the results are simple--this country is just plain too conservative to permit any rapid change.
A liberal president taking office with a majority in both houses of Congress and what do we have to show for it? An expanded war and our wealthiest citizens given 2 more years to rob us blind.

We poke fun at the Tea Party but look at what they've accomplished. Obama and my fellow progressives have blown it again. In this Bible-thumping, greed-driven nation, I'm afraid that 2 steps forward and 3 back might be all we can ever hope for.

But at least were facing the Willie Nelson problem head on. What a joke! It's too bad Osama bin Laden isn't wanted for pot smoking--he'd be in Guantanamo Bay tomorrow. Say, didn't Obama promise to close down . . . OH FUCK, DON'T GET ME STARTED!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Watch Where You Step, We're About To Be Trickled On Again

If an alien scout came to Earth to examine the human race, I think he would conclude that a government was the human institution tasked with keeping the rich rich and the poor poor.
There is nothing in the current tax debate by our Republican congressmen that would contradict this impression.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Hell, I Would Have Been Satisfied With The Moon And A Few Constellations To Gaze At

Astronomers announced yesterday that the universe appears to be even bigger than had been thought--zillions and zillions of new stars, planets, galaxies.
Here's my question for the fundamentalists who believe that Man is the center of the universe and who accept the Biblical version of creation:
What did God put all that other stuff out there for?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

More Intelligence, Fewer Gadgets

America's stubborn faith in technology as the solution to all problems is weakening our security.
We're pouring billions into airport screening devices and a missile shield, but it's good intelligence that recently thwarted the Portland bomber and probably could have prevented the 9/11 attack.
Our "experts" have x-ray and missile technology, so they have decided that the next attack can only be by airliner or missile--it will almost certainly be by neither.

I don't know how the next attack will be carried out, but I do know that bin Laden was laughing his ass off last week when we wasted another billion on a "Star Wars" test while an imposter infiltrated a conference in Afghanistan.