Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Maybe If He Sees His Shadow . . .

New information concerning the last administration's role in mistreating terrorist suspects has surfaced, and so has our former VP. Cheney has slithered into the daylight again to inform us that torture was sanctioned by the U.S. "because it's effective."
That's really good, Dick! Yes, torture is an effective form of interrogation, AND:
--Flying airliners into skyscrapers is an effective way to kill innocent civilians.
--Gas chambers are effective for committing genocide.
--Slavery is an effective form of cheap labor.
--Rape is an effective tool for terrorizing women.
--Cutting off hands is an effective way to keep people from stealing.

And turning America over to fools like Dick Cheney is an effective way to make us into the sort of people that the War On Terrorism is supposed to be battling.

Monday, August 24, 2009

"And The Award For Best Comedy Goes To--"

There's some great humor in the airwaves these days, but for sheer comic brilliance you just can't beat those ads by the big oil companies--the ones where they tell us how they want us to consume less oil.
Bravo! I don't think there's a humorist in the country that could come up with funnier material.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Who Knew?

Rush Limbaugh's racist, gut-level hatred of the president has spurred him on to a new low. Often accused of being a fascist, Limbaugh is now taking great delight in calling Obama and his followers Nazis.
Here is his "reasoning":
1.) The word Nazi is derived from the German words for National Socialism. (Early Nazis dabbled with socialism but quickly turned against that system. The name stuck.)
2.) Obama's health-care plan resembles the socialized medicine in other countries.
3.) Therefore, Obama is a Nazi.


Through Limbaugh's linguistic logic, we discover that, by employing one of the terms forming Nazi, the National Rifle Association, NPR, Nabisco, and Washington D.C.'s major league baseball team are all Nazi organizations.
Who knew?

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

". . . .Does That Star Spangled Banner Still Wave . . .?"

I am absolutely disgusted with Americans who complain that Obama is "moving too fast" and "taking on too much."
If the nation is facing a serious problem, such as the drastic need for health care reform, how can a solution come too fast? People are suffering!
Doing too much? Which of of the nation's problems should the president ignore?

Has 8 years of a pathetic mediocrity for a president coupled with the constant haranguing of Fox News government propaganda turned us into a total nation of sheep?

Our national anthem ends in a question.
I really wonder how long this land can remain free when people will tolerate huge profits for insurance companies over the health of their fellow citizens.
How brave is our home when we've become too timid to accept even desperately needed change?

Friday, August 14, 2009

Bulletin! Message Intercepted by RFG (Republicans For Grannies)

Heil Barack,
We've just about got the Juneau death panel set up. It's been a lot smoother sailing with that Palin bitch gone. The Eskimos have been paid off and they'll help us with the campaign to endorse their thing about sending old folks out onto the ice when they've become a burden. Christ, we've got enough ice up here to handle every sick grandmother in the world. So go ahead and keep telling the suckers how we're not pulling any plugs. We won't have to--not after operation Ice Walk gets started. Bundle up, granny!
Stalig 49
Juneau, Alaska

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Gone But Not Forgotten

Dear Sarah,

Thanks for telling us about death panels and all the other horrible stuff the government is going to do. We really miss you but there's still some other smart people here and they let us know about how Obama's going to make all white people get abortions and how they're going to put Christians and kids like Trigg in concentration camps and how we'll have to drive electric cars (my brother Trogg is real smart and he says they'll never make extension cords long enough) and how they're going to outlaw NASCAR and cancel re-runs of "The Dukes of Hazard" and take Hank Williams Jr. off of jukeboxes and make us eat sushi and drink imported beer and--Gosh darn it, it makes me so mad! Keep up the good work. Jesus loves you and so do I.

Gene Pooldrain
Trailerview Estates
Wasilla, Alaska

Sunday, August 9, 2009

How About Pulling The Plug On Lies And Scare Tactics?

Is there no end to this current avalanche of horseshit?
Conservatives are offering nothing NOTHING to solve the nation's problems--just fear based on outrageous scare tactics and pure fantasy.

Here's a fact: The Federal Government, through Medicare, has been handling end-of-life care in America for decades.
Has anyone ever heard of Feds walking into a hospital and telling someone to pull the plug on his grandmother?

Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Tines They Are A-Changin'--Get On Board or Get Out of the Way

The disruption of town hall meetings shows how much our conservative Republicans care for the democratic process. Their support for giant insurance corporations instead of health-care reform shows how much they care for the welfare of individual Americans.

President Obama was elected because the majority of Americans want change--and changes are going to take place despite a handful of reactionary thugs.
I truly believe that we learned a lesson from the backward-thinking Bush years.
Let the Palins and Limbaughs preach to their choirs of snake-handling yayhoos and "Birthers" on the NRA/"Pro-Life" Bible-freak circuit.
The rest of us are determined to move forward into a better future, and it can't happen soon enough for me.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Greediest Nation?

The right-wing's fanatical resistance to health-care reform (witness the orchestrated thuggery at town hall meetings) is not just disgraceful--it's depressing.
Every other affluent democracy on earth regards the use of tax funds for universal health care to be natural and necessary. Here, in the wealthiest nation of all (the Pentagon would hardly notice the price of health care taken from its budget), this is seen as a radical, "socialistic" assault on our rights. The right to be a greed-crazed asshole? My god, animals care for their sick and elderly!
I need a drink.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Welcome Aboard!

Congratulations! The world's most elite club of ignorant, bigoted assclowns has a new member. Along with the Holocaust Deniers, Moon-Landing Deniers, and Global-Warming Deniers we now have "Birthers"--the good citizens who deny that President Obama was born in America.

The Birther conspiracy theory is a gem: Some evil people forged documents so that Barack Obama, a foreign-born Black Muslim bent on destroying America, could become president. (Shouldn't they have changed his name?)

So, yes, it's all over. The America we've known has come to an end. Obama's policies are all designed to turn America into a socialist, Islamic country. Soon our women will be wearing burkas, our children will study the Koran, and the government will tell us when to piss. I guess we'll just have to get used to it.
See you at the mosque, comrades. Salaam!