Tuesday, September 30, 2008

We Have Met the Enemy--and Put Him in Charge of the War

Dubya has addressed the nation again about the "financial disaster." What a joke! He is the disaster.
The free-for-all atmosphere created by Bush when he turned the nation over to his country-club cronies is at the root of the problem.
We're supposed to entrust our economy to a man who pocketed 120 million dollars of easy money from Wall Street before joining Dubya's administration? Paulson is just another of the Bush shysters who have been running America as if it were their own private banana republic.

Of course, we're going to retain Paulson and regulate him.
Maybe we should have retained slavery and merely regulated it.

Monday, September 29, 2008

I've Got Two Hummers and a Pool--I Win!

Does the current Wall Street disaster really surprise anyone? The climate of greed in this country is astounding.
I think things started getting out of hand about 20 years ago with the emergence of the "day trader."
People used to earn a living by producing something--then, suddenly, making money became an occupation. I find this strange. "What do you do for a living?" "I make money."

Maybe I'm just an old hippie, but when the bumper stickers went from MAKE LOVE NOT WAR to WHOEVER DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS WINS, this nation really took a nose dive.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Strike Three, "Mr. Respectful"

Last night's debate ended any respect I had left for John McCain. Again he resorted to stunts instead of reason.
Stunt #1--Making a ridiculous choice for VP because it would grab headlines.
Stunt#2--Acting as if the financial-crisis negotiations couldn't spare him for 90 minutes. What an absurd and shameless bit of grandstanding!
Stunt#3--Answering debate questions on specific issues with all-purpose patriotic mumbo-jumbo, and adopting a condescending attitude toward Obama that was so labored it bordered on the comical.

This is the man who promised a fair and respectful campaign?
Does he really feel the need for such desperate tactics?

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Too Bad Franco and Pinochet Aren't Available

I'm glad that Ms. Palin got to meet with some world leaders, including Henry Kissinger.
Hopefully, he was able to instruct Sarah in the finer points of the Kissinger Doctrine: Informing impoverished third-worlders that they are better dead than red and then replacing their democratically elected heads of state with fascist dictators.

Maybe she should also have a chat with Robert Mugabe. His expertise in creating war, chaos, poverty, and economic disaster might help her to continue the Bush Doctrine.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Thanks for Screwing Us. Your Check is in the Mail.

Why are we worried about trusting our economy to Secretary Paulson's bail-out plan?
If it proves disastrous, we can just dismiss him with a $20 million severance bonus and move on.

Monday, September 22, 2008

I Hate to Sound Like Chicken Little, But . . .

I've been trying to guess what the grand finale of the Bush presidency might be.
Some weeks ago I figured, okay, this is it: A return to the Cold War.
But no! Now it seems that it might be: The re-creation of the Great Depression!
It's truly hard to keep up. And it ain't over yet!

As this Hindenburg of an administration flies, as the Titanic of a presidency sails into its final months, I'm sure that there is still time for THE BIG ONE.
What this will be I don't know, but I can't believe that the fools responsible for the last 8 years don't have one final disaster up their sleeves.

So, fasten your seat belts and lay in a good supply of whatever substance you abuse.
The sky is falling.

Friday, September 19, 2008

And His Fingers Were Crossed Behind His Back, Too

John McCain has just informed us that his running-mate "knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America."

To prove his point, Sarah immediately announced that Alaska provides our country with 20% of its oil and gas energy. The correct figure is 1.5%.
Well, he did say "probably."

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

"This One's For You, Uncle Barack!"

Track Palin is heading for Iraq.
Don't be surprised if in the next 50 days we hear that he has:
1.) Thrown himself on top of a live grenade to save his platoon.
2.) Single-handedly captured Osama bin Laden.
3.) Taken a bullet to the chest that was miraculously deflected by a Bible presented to him by Sarah at his departure.
5.) Been wounded by an al-Qaida fanatic who shouted, "This one's for you, Uncle Barack!" as he attacked.

Monday, September 15, 2008

"Madam, When We're Done With This Economy, You Won't Recognize It! Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck."

The Feds have bailed out Fannie and Freddie, once more demonstrating the unique principle of: Free Enterprise Profits and Socialized Losses.
Huge corporations gouge us consumers for all they can get, and when they screw up they continue paying themselves with our tax dollars. Sweet!
Funny how the folks who foam at the mouth over Socialized Medicine don't bat an eye at Socialized Lending Institutions.

And by the way, can it be that the economy of this mighty nation is really dependent on a "Fannie" and "Freddie"?
Hey, when do Larry and Curly get into the act?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Come On, Joe. Have You Seen the Scrawny Ass on that Chick? No Tits at All.--J.M.

Dear John,
If you were determined to pick an Alaskan woman, why not our semi-attractive, semi-honest senator, Lisa Murkowski?
Of course, being stuck down in Washington with the Foreign Relations, Energy and Natural Resources, Health and Indian Affairs committees has cut into her time for hunting, PTA, and hockey.

Monday, September 8, 2008

"We're Trying to Leave, but the Bastards Keep Attacking Us!"

We've just been subjected to a lot of hot air about "winning" in Iraq.
I know nothing about military strategy. But I am a student of logic, which leads me to ask this one simple question:

How do you win an occupation?

Friday, September 5, 2008

What Was That Sound?

It was John McCain's palm hitting his forehead: "My running-mate is who?"
Now that the smoke and balloons have cleared, he must face the reality that he is preaching change with a woman who doesn't believe in Evolution, and fighting corruption with a governor mired in an ethics scandal.

And the last time she ran as a beauty contestant, she came in second.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Losing Faith

Maybe I should go back to Sunday school.
Okay, hurricanes have been Intelligently Designed to wipe out queers and keep unpopular presidents from appearing at Republican conventions. Fine.
But why couldn't God prevent Bristol Palin's pregnancy or produce a natural disaster to keep Joe Lieberman away?
My faith is being seriously tested.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Wow! A Genuine Woman! And Only 150 Million to Choose From

Choosing Sarah was a clever political move, but it is actually an insult to women voters.
Does John McCain think that American women are so ignorant that they will suddenly disregard the issues and vote for him just because he has a female running-mate?
(As he doesn't believe that women can manage their own reproductive affairs, the answer is fairly obvious.)

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

A Proud Tradition Lives On

Why is anyone shocked at the Republican Party picking Sarah Palin for VP? It seems like a perfectly consistent choice.
After all, these are the people who gave us Spiro Agnew, Dan Quayle, and Dick Cheney.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Continuing as Our Bridge to the 19th Century, Republicans Nominate Annie Oakley for VP

Yes, Sarah Palin is a woman--a woman who doesn't believe in women's reproductive rights, global warming, or Evolution.

On the plus side:
1.) During her term as mayor, Wasilla, Alaska (pop. 4,000), was never attacked by al-Qaida.
2.) Better marksmanship. At last, a vice president who can handle a shotgun.