Monday, November 29, 2010

Marines Join Effort To Hand Al-Qaida Another Victory--Semper Fi!

Will the non-issue of gays in the military ever go away? This absurd debate may have reached its limit this weekend with a Marine Corps spokesman claiming that gay soldiers would prompt attacks from our fiercely anti-gay enemies in the Middle East.

Christ on a duck! We've let a handful of thugs dictate how we travel and what we can put in a fucking cartoon. Now we're going to let them influence how we man our military?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

We're Number One!

They don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Russia, but this Turkey Day the Russians definitely have something to be thankful for.
Tomorrow, the U.S. will finally surpass Russia's 9-year-and-50-day military adventure in Afghanistan--thus relieving that country of holding the record for waging the longest unwinnable war of the 20th Century.
Happy Thanksgiving, Boris.

And Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who wants to see us bring home the troops and start doing things that will actually protect this country from its enemies.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Clueless Joe

Like any good reactionary, Joe Miller is doing his best to take us backwards. His claim that you can't vote for a candidate unless you can spell her name correctly is a throwback to the literacy laws that kept blacks from voting in the South for a hundred years.

Once again, the people screaming the loudest about "democracy" and "the Constitution" seem to be the ones who understand neither.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

" . . . All We Are Saying, Is Give War A Chance . . "

Many Republicans have vowed to battle Obama on every issue. This unique strategy, obstruction for the sake of obstruction, may have reached its epitome with the Senate's move to block ratification of the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty.
The latest challenge to the president is being led by Republican Whip, Jon Kyl. (Senator Kyl has also endeared himself to fellow conservative assclowns by his efforts to block Unemployment Insurance benefits and to prevent the designation of anti-gay crimes as hate crimes.)

Okay, Jon--I give up. What does the Republican Party have against preventing nuclear war?

These next 2 years are really going to be hell for anyone in this country with an ounce of common sense.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

A Sure Cure

Here's a suggestion for the idiots who would rather risk being blown out of the sky than have an image of their body displayed on an airport scanner:
Next time you need to travel across the country, take a Greyhound or Trailways bus.

Rather than face such a journey again, I am certain that the world's most modest traveller would happily submit to a full body-cavity-strip-search in front of an entire airport.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Well, At Least She Probably Won't Lynch Anyone

Congratulations, Lisa--now please SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Alaskan progressives are sick of being reminded that they will enter into history with the Ku Klux Klan (the group responsible for electing the last write-in senatorial candidate, Strom Thurmond.)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Probably Just A Coincidence

Our new Republican legislators in Washington have already begun their anti-global-warming rhetoric.

Consider this:
The supporters of the global-warming problem have a wide variety of national, ethnic, political, and religious backgrounds.
The global-warming deniers are almost all white, devout Christian, conservative Republicans.

Now, which side of this issue seems more likely to be a "conspiracy"?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

We Have To Kill "The Beast"--But Let's Wait 'Til It Fixes Our Pot Holes

Now that Governor Parnell has jumped through all the required Tea Party hoops like a good little boy and gotten himself elected, I wonder how many federal funds he will actually reject.

Parnell, with the rest of his neo-con mob, makes it sound as if personal entitlements are all we receive from the federal government. Apparently he never drives on a highway, flushes a toilet, or travels by plane.

Monday, November 15, 2010

"Cancel My Board Meeting--I've Decided To Move To Skid Row And Become A Heroin Addict"

The horror stories keep pouring in, and we still won't face reality. The obvious way to end the drug-war disaster on the Mexican border (unless you haven't awakened from the self-righteous, masochistic spell put upon this nation by the Puritan perverts who first polluted its shores) is to LEGALIZE THE FUCKING DRUGS.

At the start of the last century, most currently illegal drugs were legal. Cocaine and opium-based narcotics could be purchased over-the-counter. Marijuana was bought and sold openly.
Did this result in a nation of useless drug addicts? Actually, it was one of the most creative and productive periods in American history.
As with alcohol, some citizens will always succumb to drugs. Most will not. Legality just isn't a factor.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Alaskans Hold Their Noses And Show Their Love For Lisa Murkowski

It looks like this horrible election is finally over. I really hope so. I also hope that Lisa will appreciate her incredible good luck, show some self-respect and respect for her constituents, and just shut the fuck up.
Her election was no "mandate." If the Republican Party had backed an even halfway decent candidate instead of a total assclown she would have been clobbered. The only purpose to her being elected was the defeat of Joe Miller, and now she will turn her back on the Democrats that kept her in office and join the Washington mob whose only purpose is the defeat of Barack Obama.
The whole thing is disgusting.

I hope that Scott McAdams will return to statewide politics. He's a good guy and made a good showing.

I hope that Joe Miller will shave and return to Kansas, in whatever order he finds more convenient.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dear Joe Murkowski,

It really honks me off the way you kicked that bitch Lisa Miller's scrawny ass in the primary and then she goes and gets her name on the ballot anyway. But don't worry, when I didn't see your name on there I wrote it in the write-in box and voted for you. I know that thousands of voters did the same thing and when all the write-in votes are counted you'll win for sure. Those commies down in Juneau tried to confuse us but it didn't work!

Principal xxx Johnxxx John Thompson
Wasilla High School
Wasilla, Alaska

Monday, November 8, 2010

To The Media,

Your insistence on referring to Sarah Palin as Governor Palin is really starting to give me the red ass.
If someone sets out to climb Mt. Everest but turns back before reaching the summit, he is not a Conqueror of Mt. Everest.
If a runner in the Olympic marathon stops at mile 13, he is not known as an Olympic Champion.
If a student drops out of college after . . . .
Are you catching my drift?

World Famous Novelist
Joe Karson

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Progress Report

I really am trying to find a bright spot in our dismal current events. And I think I've actually found one--in of all places, Iran.
Has anyone been following the plight of Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani? The woman was convicted of adultery and sentenced to death by stoning. In a surprising turn of events, the Islamic Court has finally agreed to pursue a more enlightened course. Instead of being stoned, Sakineh will be hanged.

Okay, I said I was trying. Please excuse my extreme cynicism, but given the recent success of efforts to return America to the 19th Century, even the decrepit old mullahs of Iran seem progressive. Hey, you've got to walk before you can run. At least they're trying to move FORWARD.

Now if you will excuse me, the cocktail hour has arrived and I need a drink--immediately!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Don't Forget,

it's time to turn the clocks back one hour tonight. This hardly seems necessary considering the number of American voters who on Tuesday turned the clock back to January, 2000.
Deregulaion, lower environmental standards, higher medical expenses, increased military spending, unrestricted campaign donations, tax breaks for the rich . . . .
Maybe we should start another unwinnable war, just to make the leap backward complete.

The extra hour of bar time tonight is going to come in handy. The rich who are about to get richer again can continue celebrating a little longer. The rest of us can start numbing ourselves for the darker days ahead.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Miller "Refudiated"

Not much good news in yesterday's election--except the likely defeat of Joe Miller and a victory for masturbation in Delaware.
The country took a giant step backward, and Alaska certainly did its part by returning a criminal to the House and Big Oil stooges to the Senate and Governor's Mansion.

The perennial re-election of Rep. Don Young continues to mystify me. The man spent most of his last term fighting corruption charges. Famous for his rude, boorish demeanor, Young rarely speaks to the press except in terse, enigmatic blurbs that he characteristically refuses to explain. The latest is his proclaiming the Gulf oil spill to be a "natural" rather than man-made phenomenon. Apparently, what we witnessed was an exploding oil rig as it exists in nature.

At least, we seem to have shown Joe Miller that he's not in Kansas anymore, or wherever the hell it may be that handcuffing journalists is a winning campaign tactic. We unleashed Sarah Palin on the world, but, hopefully, we've announced that Alaska has not put out a welcome mat for every right-wingnut trying to start a political career.