Ah, There It Is!

I was saddened to turn on a favorite NPR program yesterday and hear an interview with one of those pampered celebrities who has everything but "can't find himself." What a waste of radio waves!
This mindless, self-absorbed asshole admitted that he was making $35,000/week for doing basically nothing--just mouthing a handful of words weekly on some dumb TV sitcom. Despite his mansion and his Mercedes, psychoanalysis, rehab, aroma-therapy, and champagne enemas, his lonely search continues.
Hey! Give me a self making 35 grand a week for doing nothing and I guarantee you--I'LL FIND IT!

"Not Tonight, Osama--'American Idol' is on"

You'll never convince me that it isn't all economics. The rich thugs running Middle Eastern countries aren't about to give their people jobs, schools, or decent homes. So they give them Jihad. It's the classic formula seen throughout history--controlling an impoverished nation by feeding it hatred.
Let the average Jihadist come home from some real work to basic cable, a bucket of fried chicken, and a clean place to shit, and he's not going to be out fucking around.

Hang On, James

James von Brunn, the Holocaust Museum murderer, remains in critical condition. I'm sure that he would object to being cared for by any of the Jews, foreigners, or blacks that commonly staff our hospitals.
Out of respect for his beliefs, I hope that the hospital will leave his wounds untreated until a good skinhead surgeon arrives.

"Welcome to Iraq--Have a Hot Dog and Some Apple Pie"

One of the problems with Iraq is that there is really no such a thing as an "Iraqi." After WWI, the Allies drew a box around an area where hundreds(!) of sects had been killing each other for centuries and called it a nation. They wanted the Middle East to look like Europe. Now we're in Iraq pushing democracy, trying to make it look like Indiana.
It just ain't gonna work.

"Shut Uuuup! Jesus Doesn't Look Like Johnny Depp? I'm Totally Switching Religions!"

It's happened again. Is there no end to the idiots that keep finding images of Christ on everything from potato chips to barns?
Proving that these images are phony is incredibly simple. The phantom Christ always looks like Leonardo's Christ of "The Last Supper." Why would Jesus reveal himself to us as a fair-skinned, fair-haired European? Given his ethnicity, the true Christ would have probably looked more like Yassir Arafat. Remember him--that ugly bastard who looked like Ringo Starr with a tablecloth on his head?
When someone shows me a Christ looking like that, I'll take notice.

And, No, Johnson&Johnson Isn't Saving the Planet

That's very thoughtful of J&J to run one plant on an alternative fuel. If they want to really be part of the solution, how about shutting the plant down? I don't care if they fuel the plant with dead fascists. Producing a dozen products that we don't need packaged in plastic containers that don't decay is exactly the problem.

Try Some Sawdust for Lunch--It Will Lower Your Blood Pressure

I really get tired of the phony health claims made by the big food companies.
Yes, eating Cheerios for breakfast will definitely lower your cholesterol--so will eating the box.
Cheerios (or cardboard) lower your cholesterol because they replace the ham and eggs that were raising your cholesterol!