"No Joint? That's Detention For You, Mister!"

The state legislature has just convened again here in Juneau. There are many fine people in that crew, but Alaska is a red state and its government includes some of the most ardent creationists and 19th Century capitalists to be found anywhere.
These reactionaries are very concerned with education--mostly in recognizing it as a dangerous thing that must be doled out cautiously. Drug and sex education in our public schools has drawn their particular interest.
Through an incredible exercise of "logic," they have determined that if you teach kids about drugs, the kids won't take drugs--but if you teach them about sex, they will all immediately start humping like bunnies. Therefore, sex education has no place in our schools.
To understand this feat of reasoning, keep in mind that these are the same people who claim that Alaska's oil was put in the ground all at once 6,000 years ago, and that the rising sea water destroying our coastal villages is the result of a hoax.

I would like to propose my own plan for a combined Drug and Sex Ed. class to be taught in our high schools. It would be a very short class.
The teacher holds up a condom in one hand: "When you want to have sex, use this," and a joint in the other hand: "When you feel like shooting someone, smoke this. Have both of these on you at all times. Class dismissed."

I'm serious.

My teaching job sometimes has me working with teenagers. This class would be a realistic step toward keeping the angry and horny safe and un-pregnant.