Wednesday, July 30, 2008


You may have seen it in the news today--a woman found a Cheeto resembling Christ on the cross.
Some observations:
1.) Given the zillions of Cheetos produced daily, it's hardly surprising that some look like a crucifix--or anything else you could possibly imagine.
2.) Every day at 3:00 am stoners all over the world rip into bags of Cheetos and discover Christ on the cross, Jim Morrison doing the backstroke in a pool of Skittles, Buddha on a pogo stick, and Jerry Garcia floating across the room on a giant paisley. So what else is new!
3.) If someone actually found a Cheeto that was an exact replica of Christ on the cross, what the hell are we supposed to do? Replace Communion wafers with Cheetos? Put Mountain Dew in the Holy Water? Prostrate ourselves before a giant crucifix made of beef jerky?
4.) With the world currently going to shit in 17 different ways, must the media alert us every time someone stumbles out of a trailer with funny looking snack food?

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

From a Zero to a Nero

Traditionally, war has been hard on our leaders.
Lincoln and Wilson looked like cadavers. Jovial FDR was somber during the war years. Johnson looked like shit-- aged prematurely by an unpopular war that drove him from office. Even Nixon, who was born looking like shit, suffered.
Then there's Dubya and his cronies: laughing, joking--dancing on TV while young men have their legs blown off, singing while innocents scream in terror.

George W. Bush's incredible ignorance has become a national joke. The world is full of fools.
I find his shallowness as a human being to be more disturbing.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Answer to Trivia Quiz

1.) Adolph Hitler
2.) Ronald Reagan
If you answered correctly, congratulations!
When the moon is in Virgo with Leo ascending, your check will be in the mail.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Trivia Quiz

What two 20th Century world leaders based many of their decisions on astrology?

Monday, July 21, 2008


Give a man a fish, he has a meal.
Teach a man to fish, you can open a sporting goods store and sell him a bunch of useless crap he doesn't really need for the rest of his life.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Happy Birthday!

On this day, 63 years ago, the first atom bomb was tested in the New Mexico desert. After only one month we tried it out on real people.
Maybe the big pharmaceutical companies can take a cue from this daring gamble, and reduce their own lag time between the test lab and human application.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Expressing Yourself

I usually use the Express Line at the supermarket, though it rarely saves me time. Invariably, I get behind the one person in the store who has figured out how to spend 15 minutes purchasing a loaf of bread and a quart of milk. Recently, I was trapped behind a young man who, with 8 people in line behind him, waited for the cashier to tally up his items and then strolled over to an ATM machine for the cash to pay her. That was a new one. I can only assume that he was competing for "Asshole of the Year" and needed one more point. More often I am behind: tourists with enormous wads of foreign money; lost souls with sacks of loose change; sketchy-looking characters with checks that their mothers wouldn't accept; and once, a monumentally confused individual who tried buying his groceries with first a Social Security check and then his rent receipt.
That's why we need the SERIOUS EXPRESS LINE. Here you could do exactly 3 things: 1.) Deposit your items 2.) Present an appropriate amount of U.S. currency 3.) Take your change and groceries, and leave. Period. The slightest deviation from this process would result in the cashier pulling a lever that would drop the shopper through a trap door in the floor. Next!
So where does the person go after being dropped through the floor?
Who cares!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Advice (Free!)

Be yourself, but only up to a point.
Don't believe everything you think.

Friday, July 11, 2008

500 Pound Enchilada

McCain has just returned from Mexico, and, of course, he has a solution for the "Mexico Problem." So does Obama-- as did Carter, Reagan, Clinton, the Bushes.
Ah yes, the Mexico Problem. Talk about the 500 pound enchilada sitting right in the middle of the table that no one wants to see!
Mexico, like Canada, has abundant resources and a border with the world's wealthiest nation. It also has a year-round growing season and warm, sandy beaches. So how come Canada prospers and Mexico remains largely a third-world crap pit?
Let me take a wild, crazy guess. Do you think that maybe, just maybe, it's because Canada has a real government and Mexico is run by a gang of thugs?

It would be refreshing if McCain or Obama would at least acknowledge the obvious problem, instead of continuing to blindly support the ruthless, greedy criminals that rob Mexico of its potential.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Birthday Poem

Life is just a liquid

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Mission . . .

Let's see now: Enormous tax breaks and environmental loopholes for oil companies, the takeover of one of the world's most oil-rich nations, obscene oil-company profits at the expense of consumers . . .
Remember back 8 years ago when some of us were worried about turning the country over to 2 men heavily connected to the oil industry? Remember that some paranoid citizens were even concerned about Bush's love affair with the Saudis?
Now, let me tweak your memory once more:
Remember that huge banner stretched across the aircraft carrier that Dubya landed on?

Monday, July 7, 2008

"USA Takes Gold Medal in Cherry, Silver in Lime!"

I am heartened to see that beach volleyball is included in this year's Olympics.
Maybe in another 4 years, Jello-wrestling will finally be given the respect it deserves.