"Ditto!"

"I say we round up all the drug addicts and gas them."
--Rush Limbaugh, Nov. 3rd, 1988, shortly before entering rehab for drug addiction.

National Priority

Because of some personal matters, I've been anxiously awaiting Obama's solution for universal health care. However, recent developments have made me drop any concern for my own minor problems.
First things first. If there are new funds available for vital medical procedures, the nation's highest priority should be to immediately FIT RUSH LIMBAUGH WITH A SHOCK COLLAR!

The Lipstick is Off the Pig

In an effort to gain support from her ultra-conservative allies, Governor Palin has rejected 1/3 of Obama's stimulus package. This includes funds for the "special needs" education she claims to champion, and funds for more safety officers (that she previously requested!).
Our governor's a real beauty, all right.
Clearly, Ms. Palin is more concerned with her national ambitions than the welfare of Alaska's citizens.
At least now we know what we're up against.

Too Bad They Weren't "Entitled" To 'Em

This flap over the AIG bonuses is fascinating.
Are you currently jumping through the hoops required to collect Unemployment Insurance, Medicaid, Social Security, or any of our other entitlements? Have fun!

If the government had made it as difficult for a millionaire executive to receive a $50 billion bail-out check as it is for a carpenter to receive a $100.00 Unemployment check, we would have avoided a lot of grief.

Pope Uncovers New Health Risk

Always hard at work to protect his flock, Benedict XVI has now warned us that condoms actually spread AIDS.
For instance:
While walking to the store for a pack of condoms you run into your sister. She tells you that there is some important family business that she wants to discuss. When you get to her apartment, however, you discover that she is really a robot that has been built by a gang of gay outlaw bikers. The bikers rape you and give you AIDS.

WAKE UP, FOLKS--this is merely one of the many ways that condoms can spread AIDS!

Snakes--Are They Really So Bad?

Happy St. Patrick's Day--the holiday celebrating the man who drove the snakes from Ireland in exchange for converting the island to Christianity.

I don't know if this transaction can be accomplished in reverse.
But as a resident of America's only snake-free state, I often fantasize about it.

Inspired!

I just can't resist. This weekend I ventured again into the world of Top 40 Radio and once more I was not disappointed. I was instantly rewarded with superstar Kelly Clarkson singing her latest hit, "My Life Would Suck Without You."
I must admit that I got a little misty, but then I got busy. Inspired by Kelly's tender ballad, I have written a new love song of my own and sent it to Ms. Clarkson's agent.

I believe that "If Ever You Should Leave Me, It Would Be Like Someone Packed My Crotch In Ground Beef and Threw Me Into a Cage Filled With Starving Wolverines" has the potential for being a big hit.
Maybe it's time to get the old band back together!