"Spending Is Out Of Hand--It's Not All Going To The Military And The Rich"

These conservative talking heads blathering about "irresponsible spending" are giving me the red ass. They have conveniently forgotten that Dubya, with his phony war and give-aways to the rich, turned the biggest surplus in U.S. history into the biggest deficit.

Here's an idea: How about if all the comfortable, middle-class tea partiers and all of Dubya's rich-made-richer pooled their bucks and donated enough money to bring the treasury back to where it was in 2000.
Then maybe I'd start listening to this bullshit about "irresponsible spending."

Everything's Fine

Our Republican governor, Sean Parnell (appointed after Sarah abandoned her job), took it upon himself to exclude Alaska from the country's new medical plan. (Nothing like having a non-elected official decide for you that you don't need health care.) Now he has rejected the federal funds offered each state to examine health-insurance practices.
According to Sean, everything is just fine the way it is . . . Yes, unless you're one of the 115,000 Alaskans without health insurance.

I'd like Sean to be with one of his uninsured constituents when he receives a $100,000.00 bill for a week's hospitalization so he can tell him, "Everything's fine."

Dear Mr. Party,

Thanks for the input. My staff is analyzing your recommendations and will be forming a committee to form a committee to investigate the team that is investigating our policies in Afghanistan that are currently being explored by the team assembling actuarial tables reflecting the percentages of voters for and against the war in light of the outcome of our inquiries into . . .
We'll get back to you.

Sincerely,
Barack Obama
Not Really Oval But More Like A Hyperbolic Ellipse Office
White (grayish with hints of burnt-umber) House
Washington, D.C.

P.S. Would you mind sending the Pentagon the exact co-ordinates of your "pad"?

Dear President Obama,

Hey man, I'm really digging this whole retro thing, like the phony war that no one wants, supporting a corrupt puppet government, putting down war protesters, but where's the chicks in mini-skirts? Where's the love-ins, be-ins, and happenings? And, man, you got the music all wrong. Where's Jimi, Janice, Jerry? Me and you got to sit down, roll us up a fatty, and I'll help you get your shit together. But, like, what goes around comes around, so we got to hurry up before this war trip starts harshing your gig.
Peace love,

Les Party
My Own Head, California

Dear Joe Miller,

I love your plan to shit-can Social Security, Unemployment Insurance, and Medicare, but this new bit about leaving Minimum Wage and all those other rules to the states--that's the filling in the Twinkie!
If we can keep those niggers in the South from voting, patriotic conservatives like yourself would stand a better chance. I think we could really boost coal production in Kentucky and West Virginia by putting children to work in those cramped mine shafts. If we could just bust that fucking Garment Workers Union in New York, there are plenty of immigrant women willing to work in sweatshops for peanuts.
It's time we started moving this country FORWARD!

Red Baiter
Trailerview Estates
Wasilla, Alaska

Obama Hands Al-Qaeda Another Victory

Of all my growing disappointments with the Obama administration, my biggest might be over his support of Bush's wiretap laws and the recent hassling of anti-war groups by the FBI.
Are you shitting me? When the man promised change, I didn't think he meant change back to the paranoid policies of Richard Nixon.
Is there any benefit from these policies that could possibly outweigh the erosion of our civil liberties that American troops in the Middle East are supposedly fighting to protect?

At Last: A Plan For Victory In Afghanistan

Let's do some math: The population of Afghanistan is 30 million. Now, if we could use our irritating presence there to encourage just one suicide bombing per day, producing a modest 10 deaths, I have calculated (allowing for Afghanistan's annual growth rate of 1%/year) that in 8,200 years the entire Afghan population would be eliminated--the country will have committed suicide. Our problems with Afghanistan would finally be over.
Yes, it seems like a long time, but I believe that this might really be faster than our current strategy of . . . of . . . Oh, that's right, we don't have a strategy.

Abusing people for fun and Prophet:
The Taliban are mere thugs using religion as an excuse to mistreat women and bully the general public. (Imagine that!) I genuinely feel for the people suffering at their hands. But as long as countries like Afghanistan are run by corrupt greedheads who deny their citizens jobs, education, and security, nothing is going to change.
50,000 American troops roaming the Afghan mountains and occasionally killing a few bad guys isn't going to change anything either.