The Karson Report

So Long

2011-03-06T14:15:00.000-08:00

Well, folks, I'm closing in on my 500th Report and that's going to be enough--at least for right now. I need a break.
To my loyal supporters--Thanks! I'll keep you posted on any new Net projects.

Now, if you will excuse me, the 50-100 mph winds that have been slamming Juneau for the past few weeks have finally subsided and I will take this as an invitation to slide down the hill and into my favorite barstool.

Don't give the assclowns a break,
Joe

Aptly Named For That Other Famous Tea Party--The One Attended By Alice?

2011-03-05T11:16:00.000-08:00

Rest easy, folks. Our Tea Party patriots have finally found the solution to the current economic crisis. Minnesota's pious ex-governor and presidential hopeful, Tim Pawlenty, just laid it out for us in his finest Evangelical style:
"We need to cut corporate taxes!"

2/3 of American corporations pay no income tax. Do not adjust your computer screen, you read that figure correctly: TWO THIRDS.
Although my income put me below the official poverty line, last year I paid more income tax than ExxonMobil, General Electric, Bank of America, and Citigroup combined.
Despite record profits in the billions, our corrupt tax system allowed these giant corporations to pay nothing. ZERO. ZIP. ZILCH.
Now Bible-thumping hypocrites and phony patriots like Pawlenty want to give our millionaire Big Businessmen . . . More Tax Breaks.

Welcome to the alternate universe, the Alice-In-Wonderland calculus of Tea Party economics:
Tax breaks for those already paying no tax.

And who do you suppose is expected to pick up the slack for the patriotic millionaires cheating the treasury out of trillions?

Workers Rebel Against Millionaire "Populists"

2011-03-02T18:19:00.000-08:00

It is heartening to see blue-collar Americans finally, finally hitting the streets--to protest the union-busting, stooge governors whose Big Business manipulators want to use the current economic crisis to cut wages.

The worst case is in Ohio, which, appropriately, is getting the biggest protests.
Millionaire Tea Partier, Gov. John Kasich, claims to be an "anti-elitist populist."
Slinging bullshit like this with a straight face is a true accomplishment
Kasich worked 8 years at Lehman Brothers, the absolute poster child for too-big-to-fail elitism. It was the greed and fraudulent practices of Lehman Brothers that triggered the recession we're all paying for.
This anti-elitist populist then went to work for Rupert Murdoch, the employer of Glenn Beck (the Fox News assclown presently apologizing for an on-air anti-Semitic rant.)

What an insult to the country. Do rich conservatives really believe that blue-collar Americans are so stupid that they'll accept a crypto-Fascist like Glenn Beck and a Wall Street shyster like John Kasich as populists?
They're getting their answer in the streets of Columbus.

A Tough Decision. Yeah, Sure.

2011-02-24T04:46:00.000-08:00

Whatever the outcome in the rapidly changing Middle East, one thing is for certain--the price of oil will rise. It will rise to where it always should have been if the corrupt leaders of the region hadn't been giving the oil away to industrialized countries at the expense of their own impoverished citizens.

New regimes will probably nationalize oil fields so that Middle East countries can finally start benefiting from their own natural resources. This is a good thing--but oil prices will soar.
The U.S. can either use this as a motivation to develop new energy sources OR as an excuse to escalate domestic oil and gas extraction--further destroying the environment for the profit of a few.
Given the reactionary, Big Business stooges currently infesting Congress, I'm not optimistic about this decision.

" . . . blah, blah, blah, JOBS, blah, blah, blah, DEFICIT, blah, blah,

2011-02-22T21:32:00.000-08:00

blah, TAX AND SPEND, blah, blah . . . "
This is what the Tea Partiers on the Hill are saying.

Here is what any truly patriotic American with an IQ higher than a Labrador retriever is hearing:
"At last, an economic crisis! What a perfect opportunity to shit-can all those unions, the EPA, Public Broadcasting, NEA, Planned Parenthood, Medicaid, Social Security . . . "

This is an absolute outrage--particularly the union busting. Many unions have lost the life-savings of their members to fraudulent Wall Street scams. Now the victims are being expected to help the crisis caused by these scams with more sacrifice--while the Wall Street shysters give themselves bonuses.
Americans should be hitting the streets like Egyptians and Libyans.

Great Moments In Hypocrisy #2: Conservatives Outraged By "Activist Judges." Unless, Of Course, The Judge . . .

2011-02-20T14:24:00.001-08:00

Here we go again. Once more, the stupidity of an Alaskan governor has put our state in the national spotlight.
New Republican governor, Sean Parnell, is 1 of the 26 governors refusing to accept at least some parts of the new health-care law. He is now the one and only governor to reject the whole package, including federal grants for implementing insurance changes.
Gov. Parnell bases his decision on the Bush-appointed Florida judge, Roger Vinson, who has expressed the opinion that the law is unconstitutional.

Parnell is a very confused man. He seems to think that a judge's opinion is legally binding.
Look, Sean--judges have opinions, just like everyone else. But they're only opinions. When it comes to enacting legislation, we have laws.
Can you imagine what this country would be like if judges' opinions were suddenly legally binding?
"You can't give me a ticket, officer. My buddy, Judge Jones, thinks we should be able to drive as fast as we want."

Apparently, Gov. Parnell cares more about his Tea Party street cred than the Alaskans who would benefit from "Obamacare." Maybe he wants to join up again with Sarah and run as her VP. A perfect pair.
Meanwhile, if you're one of the 100,000 Alaskans without health care, better try to stay healthy. Good luck.

Women: Vote These People Out Of Office--While You Still Can

2011-02-17T18:36:00.000-08:00

Despite all the blathering about jobs and the economy, the new Republicans in Washington seem to be more interested in conservative social issues. Particularly women's issues.

And, as usual, they haven't bothered with the facts.
They want a law banning federal funds for abortion. We already have one--it was passed 30 years ago.
They want to dismantle Planned Parenthood--the agency that's efforts with contraception have kept America's abortion rate one of the lowest in the world.

The anti-choice fervor in Congress is so strong and out of touch with reality that one freshman Tea Party congressman has actually introduced a bill that would make killing an abortion doctor "justifiable homicide." (!)
Women and women's rights advocates should be up in arms. At the rate this new reactionary Congress is going, by the time it's finished with business American women will be lucky if they can still vote.

Dear Speaker Boehner,

2011-02-16T19:59:00.000-08:00

God bless you for dropping all that nonsense about jobs, medical care, and tax reform and concentrating on what really matters to this country: Abortion.
I've been praying on this matter and God assures me that you are absolutely right. He ain't making no exceptions for rape or incest or medical problems. Abortion is a sin unless it's for the pregnancy of a congressman's mistress and that's all there is to it.
Keep up the good work.

Yours in Christ,

Rev. Phil A. Steen
Zion Baptist Church
1900 Bible Beltway
Columbus, Ohio
USA

A Prediction

2011-02-15T07:51:00.000-08:00

I don't like making predictions, but here goes:
I predict that John Boehner's tearful rise to Speaker of the House will be short-lived. Scandal involving his extra-marital affairs will drive him from office and we will again be subjected to his public waterworks. (I find the weeping over his childhood, which included working in the family business, to be particularly offensive. Come on, John. Your father owned a business--that supported a wife and 12 children. How about kids that grew up in coal mines and sweatshops, or lived on the street? Give me a break!)

And, as a standard hypocritical assclown (Boehner has been fond of praising marriage as the "foundation of American society"), the ex-Speaker will, of course, cop a Jesus plea. Along with the shameless bawling, we will have to endure his being born again as a Christian and . . . Oh hell, you know the drill.

If it sounds like I'm gloating over Boehner's impending doom, you're right.
I can't stand this fool and I'll be happy to see him get what he deserves.

Clean Slate

2011-02-13T05:40:00.000-08:00

The Egyptian uprising has produced one of the rarest things in history: a country with a clean slate. Most countries emerge from revolution with a military hero or religious zealot as a preordained leader. The Russian, Chinese, and Cuban revolts resulted in neither egalitarianism nor even true socialism--just Stalinism, Maoism, and Castroism. The poor bastards in Iran traded a homicidal dictator (one of "our SOBs") for a homicidal priest.
Alexandria is famous for its library. I hope that it contains some history books and Egyptians are reading them.

Not a shot was fired in this revolution. For the sake of Egypt, I hope that the first one is reserved for the charismatic demagogue who claims that he alone is the savior of the nation, or the assclown with flowing beard and robes who claims to have God on his side.

Dept. Of Things I Worry About: #1

2011-02-12T10:09:00.000-08:00

In the future we will have to rely on alternative energy sources (sources other than fossil fuels) but I don't understand how any of these would apply to our most important vehicle for moving people and cargo--the airplane.
Is it really possible to power a plane with solar panels or electric motors?
There is quite a difference between driving a Prius to the supermarket and flying a 747 across the Atlantic.
If we're going to power airliners with electric motors, it seems to me that we'll need to develop either some incredible new batteries or very long extension cords.
Any suggestions?

Technically challenged but legitimately worried (I think),
JK

"First One's Free"

2011-02-10T18:40:00.000-08:00

Once again I have been the willing victim of what has to be the greatest scam in history.
I have calculated that the ink in the cartridge I just bought for my printer, if it were sold like other commodities, would cost $5,233.19 per gallon.
The purveyors of this precious fluid have apparently taken a lesson from drug dealers: "The first one's free." Indeed, my printer, which cost less than a decent meal in this town, came with a free cartridge. Now I'm hooked.

I guess we should be thankful that it's our printers and not our cars that run on this stuff.
$4.00 gas doesn't sound so bad when you consider that it would set you back $100,000.00 to fill the tank of your SUV with printer-cartridge ink.
To hell with oil--why aren't we drilling for ink?

A Time For Kicking Bad Habits

2011-02-09T19:49:00.000-08:00

Obama just announced that he's "kicked the cigarette habit." Congratulations.
Now how about kicking another bad habit--America's habit of backing the wrong side in popular uprisings.
Come on, Barack, you can do it--voice your support for the revolutionaries in Caro. Be the shining knight of freedom and democracy that people once expected from this country. Be that guy. We backed Mubarak for 30 years but you were no part of that. Come on, go for it!
And screw all that "orderly" and "gradual" crap. Suleiman has proclaimed that "Egypt is not ready for democracy. Change must be gradual." Gradual. What the hell does that even mean--the Egyptian gestapo will arrest and torture a few less dissidents every month they finally go cold turkey?
Come on, Barack--here's your big chance to get on the right side of history and be a hero. Come on!

This revolution has a great chance for success because it's secular, and, more importantly, it has no single leader to take a whiff of power and turn into a megalomaniac monster--as has been the fate of most modern revolutions.
The Egyptian quest for a true democracy might actually work and we need to fully support it.

Come on, Barack--take your head out of your policy-wonk ass and walk like an Egyptian. Or at least like the sort of American president that the world has hoped for.

He's Talkin' The Talk, But Will Obama Walk Like An Egyptian?

2011-02-03T08:06:00.000-08:00

The new events in Cairo are hardly surprising. Fascists like Mubarak seldom give up power without a fight.
And Washington neo-cons and the pro-Israel Religious Right are going to be reluctant to give up Mubarak without a fight.

It's really hilarious watching the McConnell/Boehner gang of hypocritical assclowns suddenly claiming that they "trust Obama to make his own decisions on Egypt." In other words, they know that the president is in a tight spot. Whatever he does, he will piss off a certain block of American voters and they want no part of it. The main concern of these jackals is not American policy but making political hay if it fails. This is the new conservative version of "patriotism."

What I hope Obama does is--nothing. Egyptians have the right to determine their own future without our meddling. Whatever happens, the world will certainly be better off without Mubarak.
Wait a minute! There isn't a Hosni Dubya Mubarak back home, is there?

Good Luck, Egypt

2011-02-02T06:43:00.000-08:00

My god, has any president ever had more shit dropped in his lap? This Egyptian thing has Obama once more between Iraq and a hard place.
So far he is following textbook American policy, which is to preserve our economic interests by supporting any non-socialist dictator until he is overthrown and then switch sides. (Romania is a perfect example. George The First backed the monster Ceausescu until he was shot. He then shouted "Death to all tyrants!" and praised the brave people of Romania.)

The wrinkle in this policy is that the new leader might be a socialist-- and we have to intervene. Remember Chile? After we assassinated Allende, Dr. Kissinger famously announced: "We gave them the right to vote, but they elected the wrong man."

With Egypt there is a new wrinkle. Besides the country coming into the hands of a "socialist" who would return its oil wealth to its people instead of American and European corporations, the new leader might be a Muslim fundamentalist. And that's a serious problem.
It's going to be interesting to see how things in Egypt play out and how our government responds.

The Egyptians seem to be following a sane path toward a better government and I wish them luck.

"He's An S.O.B., But He's Our S.O.B."--Cordell Hull

2011-01-31T19:06:00.000-08:00

The above quote has been credited to FDR's secretary of state in a discussion about the Dominican dictator, Trujillo.
I hope that Obama's state dept. has progressed beyond this attitude. Our current S.O.B. in Egypt, feudal relic Hosni Mubarak, is a reeking piece of human garbage that should have been thrown out decades ago.
Equally odoriferous is Secretary Clinton's ridiculous claim that we will support only "peaceful and orderly regime changes."
Right, Hillary--like the regime changes forced by our peaceful and orderly bombings of Iran, Iraq, Vietnam, Chile, El Salvador, Nicaragua . . .

It seems to me that America's foreign policy promise of "spreading democracy" demands our full support for the Egyptian uprising. Here's a chance for us to get it right for once.
Don't count on it.

"He's An S.O.B., But He's Our S.O.B."

2011-01-31T19:04:00.000-08:00

"Taking Back America"--For Its Richest 2%

2011-01-28T06:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, I give up--what exactly am I paying Federal Income Tax for?
Our conservative patriots in Congress have announced that they will save the nation by cutting federal funds for: Education, Agriculture, Transportation, The Environment, Art, Radio&TV, Food Safety, Social Security, Medicare . . .
In other words, everything you'd expect a halfway enlightened government to fund right off the top--before indulging anything left over in some fun stuff like invading foreign countries or helping out wealthy swindlers.

Amazingly, we don't have enough money to pay teachers or air-traffic-controllers, but we can afford to give every American millionaire an average $125,000/year tax break.
Give me a fucking break!

"I Don't Care If My Family Has To Live On The Street--No One's Turning This Country Into Another Canada!"

2011-01-27T05:22:00.000-08:00

I love it. The Washington lawmakers screaming the loudest about "job killing" Obamacare are the same folks who blocked the single-payer, universal coverage option originally favored by Obama and liberal Democrats.
That option would have ended the health-insurance burden and freed American businesses, from GM to the mom & pop corner store, to hire tens of thousands of new workers.
But, of course, it would have sent us down the road to becoming a nightmarish, socialist hell-on-earth--you know, like Canada, Sweden, or Holland.

" . . . Best Health Care System In The World"

2011-01-20T04:57:00.000-08:00

Of course John Boehner loves our current health care system--because of his wealth and his job, he doesn't have to deal with it.

I'd like to see a 28th Amendment to the Constitution. It would consist of 2 parts:
1.) Government officials must only have the same medical coverage as the lowest-income Americans.
2.) The families of all members of the the 3 branches of the federal government will automatically be drafted into the military when the U.S. takes up arms against a foreign country.

This would suddenly be the healthiest, most peaceful nation on Earth.

"The Business Of America Is Business"

2011-01-19T11:31:00.001-08:00

When Calvin Coolidge made this famous statement, business mostly meant producing goods in exchange for cash. Times have changed.

Unemployed Worker: "Glad to meet you. What do you do for a living?"
Wall Street Assclown: "I make money."
UW: "I mean, what do you do?"
WSA: "I told you, I make money."
UW: "That's a job, making money?"
WSA: "Sure."
UW: "But what is there at the end of the day that wasn't there before you went to work?"
WSA: "Nothing, just more money on my computer screen."
UW: "Wow! Can I find a job like that?"
WSA: "Sure. Go get an MBA from Harvard."
UW: "Where would I get the money to go to Harvard?"
WSA: "You borrow it from me, of course. Then I can put more money on my computer screen without getting my hands dirty. What the fuck's wrong with you?"

We used to have factories, now we have office buildings.
A corporation makes clavens that sell for $10, while paying 100 employees $20/hr. to sit in cubicles and push around information about the $10 dollar clavens--with money that only exists on computer screens provided by investors who produce nothing.

Yeah, I don't see why that won't work.

The American Worker, Proudly Feeding The Hand That Bites It

2011-01-17T05:40:00.000-08:00

Is there no end to this insanity? Not satisfied with new laws allowing corporations to donate all they want to political campaigns, Republicans in Washington now want to ban labor unions from making similar donations. Beautiful! The land of the free and home of the brave--where management can influence political decisions but not labor. Why don't we dissolve Congress, turn the nation over to the CEOs of the giant corporations and be done with it?

And the truly sickening thing is that bullshit propaganda from the NRA, Tea Parties, and the Religious Right has American workers supporting the lawmakers that are screwing them.

What's happened to this country? Is blue-collar America really willing to accept lower wages and benefits in exchange for the right to buy a machine gun at the nearest 7-11 or have its children sing "Jesus Loves Me" in civics class?
The men who fought and died for the labor movement in this country have got to be spinning.

When Brains Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Bumper Stickers That Make Sense

2011-01-16T10:56:00.001-08:00

Guns DO kill people. The type of gun used by Jared Loughner is an enabler--it enabled him to kill 6 people in 10 seconds. Committing this level of mayhem with a knife, club, bow, or deer rifle is just plain impossible.
What the hell would we lose by banning 30-bullet clips except the ability of lunatics to commit mass murder?

To those who feel the need to carry extended-clip machine-pistols:
They're doing wonders with penis enlargement these days. You might want to look into this.

" . . . Cheerios, A Tube Of Colgate, And Oh Yeah, A Couple .38 Clips."

2011-01-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure that this is relevant, but I think it's worth remembering that the Constitution was written over 2 centuries ago--with a feather dipped in octopus splooge.

At the time, guns were heavy, cumbersome devices that fired a single wobbly shot. They required the length of a Top-40 rap song to reload and an expert marksman to hit anything smaller than a Cadillac Escalade 20 yards away. They were extremely expensive and in short supply, which is why few citizens owned them.
I seriously doubt that the authors of the Second Amendment envisioned concealable, automatic pistols available at the corner store for a day's wages.

By the way, I'm a gun owner. I support stricter gun laws and would consider joining the Girl Scouts before the NRA.

"Don't Be Fooled--This Is How It Starts. You Ban The Insane From Buying Guns And Pretty Soon . . ."

2011-01-10T20:49:00.000-08:00

I haven't heard the talking heads mention that Jared Loughner tried repeatedly to enlist in the military--and was rejected for psychological reasons.
This is an area in which I have some experience. During wartime, and we are currently fighting 2 wars, the Army (despite the "Looking For A Few Good Men" bullshit) rejects very few. If you have 4 limbs and can write your own name, they'll take a chance on you.
Mental stability? From what I've seen, if you showed up at a recruiting station naked, with a feather-duster up your ass singing Wagner, the Army would sign you up and try to "rehabilitate" you.
They rejected Jared Loughner.
He had no trouble buying a gun.

No, They Haven't Stopped Beating Their Wives, Either

2011-01-09T10:23:00.000-08:00

HR2: Repeal of the Job-Killing Health Care Law.
OMG! This means . . this means that if you vote against the bill you are officially in favor of killing jobs. Oh wow, you really got us on that one.
Can you imagine the intellects of the assclowns who actually believe that this bit of classical, juvenile sophistry is a clever trick? It's truly depressing.

A law to allow more pollution is called the "Clean Air Act", a law that nullifies the Bill of Rights is "The Patriot Act." The Estate Tax, an attempt to squeeze a few bucks from our tax-cheating, millionaire patriots is (my favorite) the "Death Tax"--as if you could tax someone for dying.

Now we are being told (and told, and told--Boehner used the phrase "job-killing" 7 time in a 14-minute speech last Thursday, without ever mentioning a specific job that's being killed) that Health Care is "Job Killing."
Put on your snorkels, folks--the bullshit dam has broken and we are all about to drown.

Dear Glenn Beck, John Boehner,

2011-01-07T06:45:00.000-08:00

Look you fucking pansies, there is no crying in Right-Wing propaganda!
Knock off the waterworks or I'll give you fags something to cry about. I'll kick your asses like you were hippie protesters at a Richard Nixon prayer breakfast. Don't make me come down there!

G. Gordon Liddy
Over the Hill and Beyond the Pale, Maryland
United By God States Of Fucking America

Tea Party Pooper

2011-01-06T10:55:00.000-08:00

The new Congress convened yesterday and already Boehner is talking about cutting Social Security and Medicare--while we continue dumping trillions into the bottomless money pits of counter-productive Middle East wars without a peep from our lawmakers. Apparently, this insanity has become a Congressional Entitlement.

Historically, how often has a major power won an overseas guerrilla war?

The irony of our conservative "patriots" adopting the Boston Tea Party for a symbol is particularly rich.
The original Tea Partiers were guerrillas fighting an imperialistic super-power. Sound familiar?
If what we're attempting in Iraq, Afghanistan and beyond had a chance of success, we'd still be a tea-drinking nation--and driving to the cricket match on the left side of the road.

The Gospel According To Dale Earnhardt

2011-01-04T13:27:00.000-08:00

Followers of this blog know my opinion of auto racing (along with all other activities combining Southern accents with the internal combustion engine) and religion.
Imagine my reaction when I tuned in Public TV last night and was confronted with a documentary on: Christian Auto Racing.

There it was: A pack of yayhoos chasing their own tailpipes on a racetrack, stages filled with blissed-out shysters spewing Bronze Age insanity, desperately cheerful lost souls gushing about "Jesus in their pit crews," all accompanied by the ultimate horror--Christian rap music.

And, of course, there were souvenirs to buy: CDs, posters, new versions of the Bible (translated into monosyllables?) I thought about sending off for a token myself--just for proof that this hell-on-earth actually exists.
Or maybe it doesn't. Maybe it was all a bad dream, some nightmare of my own over-active imagination plus the can of sardines and pint of Cherry Garcia I had for dinner. Yes, it could have been merely a dream--right? Right? RIGHT? Please tell me it could have been a dream, please, please, please . . . .

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T21:16:00.000-08:00

For my New Year's resolution, I've decided to be less confrontational with those whose views I don't share.
Glenn Beck is a human being and deserves to be treated with respect. Just because he is a shameless, opportunistic, lying assclown, this is no excuse for showering him with insults or making fun of the knuckle-dragging cretins who support him. We are all brothers. Even though Rush Limbaugh is an ignorant, hypocritical, pill-popping racist sexist slob, he is still a member of the Family of Man and . . Yeah, right! Hey, I ain't changing and no one gets a break--not this year nor any other.
Happy New Year!

Take Me To Your . . . No, Just Get Me The Hell Out Of Here!

2010-12-29T18:24:00.000-08:00

If an alien scout came to Earth, I wonder what he (she?it?) would make of all our churches, temples, cathedrals, shrines, and religious rituals. What were those strange symbols, incantations, costumes, elaborate rites about? And I'm sure that a Catholic mass would seem every bit as bizarre as the wildest, drum-driven ceremony in the African bush or along the Amazon. Men beating their heads against a wall in Jerusalem, raving in non-languages and tossing around snakes in Appalachia--what the fuck! [alien equivalent]

Then imagine this visitors's further bewilderment upon discovering that nearly all our mass killings and wars were connected to these baffling institutions.

Mother Knows Best

2010-12-26T09:19:00.000-08:00

Demonstrating again her serious presidential potential, Sarah Palin has bravely confronted the tyrannical Obama administration in defense of the American Way.

Yes, Sarah, as Americans we have the right to raise fat, unhealthy children--just as you had the right to raise two juvenile delinquents and an unwed teenage mother.

All Is Calm, All Is Bright

2010-12-25T08:36:00.000-08:00

A good Christmas. Second one in a row without ever once hearing any version of "The Little Drummer Boy" or Aaron Neville singing "Silent Night." Yes!

I did enjoy a nice version of the "Nutcracker." When it comes to this subject I must admit being a bit (shudder) conservative. Don't make me turn in my Progressive card, but I definitely favor classical ballet over modern dance. Sorry. I just find graceful leaps and spins accompanied by catchy tunes more appealing than quirky, mime-like posturing set to overly-intellectualized music that often sounds to me like an orchestra being kicked down a flight of stairs.

. . . and to all a good night.

Miracle On E. Capitol St. N.E.

2010-12-22T13:24:00.000-08:00

In a surprise outpouring of Christmas spirit, the Senate is suspending Tea-had against the president to ratify the new nuclear arms treaty with Russia.
Die-hard Scrooges minority leader McConnell and his gang continue to oppose this "irresponsible" treaty. That's right, Mitch, reducing our nuclear arms to the potential for destroying the world merely 15 times instead of 20 is definitely irresponsible. Hey, sometimes you just have to go out on a limb to promote world peace.

Silent fucking night! Pass the organic cage-free eggnog.

Flying Virgins, Reindeer Healing The Sick, Whatever

2010-12-20T20:28:00.000-08:00

If an alien scout came to Earth during the Christmas season, I wonder which character he would find harder to swallow--Jesus or Santa Claus.

Fast-Food For Thought

2010-12-19T14:56:00.000-08:00

Here's a question for McCain, McConnell, and all our other conservative McSenators still blathering about the non-problem of gay sodiers:
In the history of the U.S. military, with all the thousands of gays that have served, how many cases have there been of same-sex sexual harassment? How many cases of male-on-female harassment and actual rape?

34% of active-duty female soldiers have reported being sexually harassed. (!)
If our McSenators want a big fat Super-Sized Happy Meal of a problem to tackle, HOW ABOUT THAT ONE?

Every Time A Working-Class American Is Screwed, An Angel Gets Its Wings

2010-12-12T12:37:00.000-08:00

"Never give a sucker an even break." --W.C. Fields

It looks like the 237 millionaires who comprise 44% of Congress (opposed to 1% of the general public) are going to succeed in voting themselves a nice tax break.
I guess that the 99% of us who will be thrown a crumb are "collateral damage" in the class war being waged by our wealthy lawmakers.

And here's the best part--as soon as the new tax law passes, the millionaire assclowns who benefit the most are going to scream their heads off about how Obama has added another trillion to the deficit. Just wait and see.

The mathematics here is fascinating:
If you give a million working slobs one dollar apiece, that adds one million dollars to the deficit.
If you give one rich guy a million dollars, that's a million dollars invested in the economy.

60% of Americans believe in angels, 30% believe in Evolution. Can you blame the Washington shysters for attempting such obvious cons?

Comparative Religion

2010-12-10T06:44:00.001-08:00

I see that the State Department is concerned over the growing number of Latinos turning to radical Islam. Is this really surprising? When it comes to being an enabler for mayhem, Allah has Jesus beat all to hell. No contest.
If a government thug in South America murders some innocent citizens, he faces the inconvenience of going to church and confessing his deed so that the gates of Paradise will remain open to him. What a hassle! A Muslim jihadist committing a similar crime can claim a heavenly reward without all that trouble. And, of course, if he sacrifices his life, a bevy of virgins awaits. (I'm still curious about what all those female suicide bombers get--other than release from a society that considers women second-class humans on earth and sex objects in heaven.)
So, if you're a sick fuck shopping for an absurd religious fantasy to aid your homicidal ambitions, the choice is clear. Don't sell yourself short. Allahu Akbar!

Paradise Lost

2010-12-07T16:49:00.000-08:00

The mid-term elections were called a referendum on Obama, but I think that they were more of a referendum on the American people. And the results are simple--this country is just plain too conservative to permit any rapid change.
A liberal president taking office with a majority in both houses of Congress and what do we have to show for it? An expanded war and our wealthiest citizens given 2 more years to rob us blind.

We poke fun at the Tea Party but look at what they've accomplished. Obama and my fellow progressives have blown it again. In this Bible-thumping, greed-driven nation, I'm afraid that 2 steps forward and 3 back might be all we can ever hope for.

But at least were facing the Willie Nelson problem head on. What a joke! It's too bad Osama bin Laden isn't wanted for pot smoking--he'd be in Guantanamo Bay tomorrow. Say, didn't Obama promise to close down . . . OH FUCK, DON'T GET ME STARTED!

Watch Where You Step, We're About To Be Trickled On Again

2010-12-05T18:33:00.000-08:00

If an alien scout came to Earth to examine the human race, I think he would conclude that a government was the human institution tasked with keeping the rich rich and the poor poor.
There is nothing in the current tax debate by our Republican congressmen that would contradict this impression.

Hell, I Would Have Been Satisfied With The Moon And A Few Constellations To Gaze At

2010-12-03T05:52:00.000-08:00

Astronomers announced yesterday that the universe appears to be even bigger than had been thought--zillions and zillions of new stars, planets, galaxies.
Here's my question for the fundamentalists who believe that Man is the center of the universe and who accept the Biblical version of creation:
What did God put all that other stuff out there for?

More Intelligence, Fewer Gadgets

2010-12-01T09:15:00.000-08:00

America's stubborn faith in technology as the solution to all problems is weakening our security.
We're pouring billions into airport screening devices and a missile shield, but it's good intelligence that recently thwarted the Portland bomber and probably could have prevented the 9/11 attack.
Our "experts" have x-ray and missile technology, so they have decided that the next attack can only be by airliner or missile--it will almost certainly be by neither.

I don't know how the next attack will be carried out, but I do know that bin Laden was laughing his ass off last week when we wasted another billion on a "Star Wars" test while an imposter infiltrated a conference in Afghanistan.

Marines Join Effort To Hand Al-Qaida Another Victory--Semper Fi!

2010-11-29T17:38:00.000-08:00

Will the non-issue of gays in the military ever go away? This absurd debate may have reached its limit this weekend with a Marine Corps spokesman claiming that gay soldiers would prompt attacks from our fiercely anti-gay enemies in the Middle East.

Christ on a duck! We've let a handful of thugs dictate how we travel and what we can put in a fucking cartoon. Now we're going to let them influence how we man our military?

We're Number One!

2010-11-25T08:54:00.000-08:00

They don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Russia, but this Turkey Day the Russians definitely have something to be thankful for.
Tomorrow, the U.S. will finally surpass Russia's 9-year-and-50-day military adventure in Afghanistan--thus relieving that country of holding the record for waging the longest unwinnable war of the 20th Century.
Happy Thanksgiving, Boris.

And Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who wants to see us bring home the troops and start doing things that will actually protect this country from its enemies.

Clueless Joe

2010-11-24T04:35:00.000-08:00

Like any good reactionary, Joe Miller is doing his best to take us backwards. His claim that you can't vote for a candidate unless you can spell her name correctly is a throwback to the literacy laws that kept blacks from voting in the South for a hundred years.

Once again, the people screaming the loudest about "democracy" and "the Constitution" seem to be the ones who understand neither.

" . . . All We Are Saying, Is Give War A Chance . . "

2010-11-23T06:06:00.000-08:00

Many Republicans have vowed to battle Obama on every issue. This unique strategy, obstruction for the sake of obstruction, may have reached its epitome with the Senate's move to block ratification of the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty.
The latest challenge to the president is being led by Republican Whip, Jon Kyl. (Senator Kyl has also endeared himself to fellow conservative assclowns by his efforts to block Unemployment Insurance benefits and to prevent the designation of anti-gay crimes as hate crimes.)

Okay, Jon--I give up. What does the Republican Party have against preventing nuclear war?

These next 2 years are really going to be hell for anyone in this country with an ounce of common sense.

A Sure Cure

2010-11-21T12:23:00.000-08:00

Here's a suggestion for the idiots who would rather risk being blown out of the sky than have an image of their body displayed on an airport scanner:
Next time you need to travel across the country, take a Greyhound or Trailways bus.

Rather than face such a journey again, I am certain that the world's most modest traveller would happily submit to a full body-cavity-strip-search in front of an entire airport.

Well, At Least She Probably Won't Lynch Anyone

2010-11-19T06:27:00.000-08:00

Congratulations, Lisa--now please SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Alaskan progressives are sick of being reminded that they will enter into history with the Ku Klux Klan (the group responsible for electing the last write-in senatorial candidate, Strom Thurmond.)

Probably Just A Coincidence

2010-11-18T05:54:00.000-08:00

Our new Republican legislators in Washington have already begun their anti-global-warming rhetoric.

Consider this:
The supporters of the global-warming problem have a wide variety of national, ethnic, political, and religious backgrounds.
The global-warming deniers are almost all white, devout Christian, conservative Republicans.

Now, which side of this issue seems more likely to be a "conspiracy"?

We Have To Kill "The Beast"--But Let's Wait 'Til It Fixes Our Pot Holes

2010-11-16T21:32:00.000-08:00

Now that Governor Parnell has jumped through all the required Tea Party hoops like a good little boy and gotten himself elected, I wonder how many federal funds he will actually reject.

Parnell, with the rest of his neo-con mob, makes it sound as if personal entitlements are all we receive from the federal government. Apparently he never drives on a highway, flushes a toilet, or travels by plane.

"Cancel My Board Meeting--I've Decided To Move To Skid Row And Become A Heroin Addict"

2010-11-15T19:09:00.000-08:00

The horror stories keep pouring in, and we still won't face reality. The obvious way to end the drug-war disaster on the Mexican border (unless you haven't awakened from the self-righteous, masochistic spell put upon this nation by the Puritan perverts who first polluted its shores) is to LEGALIZE THE FUCKING DRUGS.

At the start of the last century, most currently illegal drugs were legal. Cocaine and opium-based narcotics could be purchased over-the-counter. Marijuana was bought and sold openly.
Did this result in a nation of useless drug addicts? Actually, it was one of the most creative and productive periods in American history.
As with alcohol, some citizens will always succumb to drugs. Most will not. Legality just isn't a factor.

Alaskans Hold Their Noses And Show Their Love For Lisa Murkowski

2010-11-14T22:25:00.000-08:00

It looks like this horrible election is finally over. I really hope so. I also hope that Lisa will appreciate her incredible good luck, show some self-respect and respect for her constituents, and just shut the fuck up.
Her election was no "mandate." If the Republican Party had backed an even halfway decent candidate instead of a total assclown she would have been clobbered. The only purpose to her being elected was the defeat of Joe Miller, and now she will turn her back on the Democrats that kept her in office and join the Washington mob whose only purpose is the defeat of Barack Obama.
The whole thing is disgusting.

I hope that Scott McAdams will return to statewide politics. He's a good guy and made a good showing.

I hope that Joe Miller will shave and return to Kansas, in whatever order he finds more convenient.

Dear Joe Murkowski,

2010-11-10T13:30:00.000-08:00

It really honks me off the way you kicked that bitch Lisa Miller's scrawny ass in the primary and then she goes and gets her name on the ballot anyway. But don't worry, when I didn't see your name on there I wrote it in the write-in box and voted for you. I know that thousands of voters did the same thing and when all the write-in votes are counted you'll win for sure. Those commies down in Juneau tried to confuse us but it didn't work!

Sincerely,
Principal xxx Johnxxx John Thompson
Wasilla High School
Wasilla, Alaska

To The Media,

2010-11-08T18:15:00.000-08:00

Your insistence on referring to Sarah Palin as Governor Palin is really starting to give me the red ass.
If someone sets out to climb Mt. Everest but turns back before reaching the summit, he is not a Conqueror of Mt. Everest.
If a runner in the Olympic marathon stops at mile 13, he is not known as an Olympic Champion.
If a student drops out of college after . . . .
Are you catching my drift?

Sincerely,
World Famous Novelist
Joe Karson

Progress Report

2010-11-07T17:56:00.000-08:00

I really am trying to find a bright spot in our dismal current events. And I think I've actually found one--in of all places, Iran.
Has anyone been following the plight of Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani? The woman was convicted of adultery and sentenced to death by stoning. In a surprising turn of events, the Islamic Court has finally agreed to pursue a more enlightened course. Instead of being stoned, Sakineh will be hanged.

Okay, I said I was trying. Please excuse my extreme cynicism, but given the recent success of efforts to return America to the 19th Century, even the decrepit old mullahs of Iran seem progressive. Hey, you've got to walk before you can run. At least they're trying to move FORWARD.

Now if you will excuse me, the cocktail hour has arrived and I need a drink--immediately!

Don't Forget,

2010-11-06T18:30:00.000-07:00

it's time to turn the clocks back one hour tonight. This hardly seems necessary considering the number of American voters who on Tuesday turned the clock back to January, 2000.
Deregulaion, lower environmental standards, higher medical expenses, increased military spending, unrestricted campaign donations, tax breaks for the rich . . . .
Maybe we should start another unwinnable war, just to make the leap backward complete.

The extra hour of bar time tonight is going to come in handy. The rich who are about to get richer again can continue celebrating a little longer. The rest of us can start numbing ourselves for the darker days ahead.
Skoal!

Miller "Refudiated"

2010-11-03T06:11:00.000-07:00

Not much good news in yesterday's election--except the likely defeat of Joe Miller and a victory for masturbation in Delaware.
The country took a giant step backward, and Alaska certainly did its part by returning a criminal to the House and Big Oil stooges to the Senate and Governor's Mansion.

The perennial re-election of Rep. Don Young continues to mystify me. The man spent most of his last term fighting corruption charges. Famous for his rude, boorish demeanor, Young rarely speaks to the press except in terse, enigmatic blurbs that he characteristically refuses to explain. The latest is his proclaiming the Gulf oil spill to be a "natural" rather than man-made phenomenon. Apparently, what we witnessed was an exploding oil rig as it exists in nature.

At least, we seem to have shown Joe Miller that he's not in Kansas anymore, or wherever the hell it may be that handcuffing journalists is a winning campaign tactic. We unleashed Sarah Palin on the world, but, hopefully, we've announced that Alaska has not put out a welcome mat for every right-wingnut trying to start a political career.

"Calendars Are Fine, But No Slide Rules Or Computers, Please."--God

2010-10-31T13:23:00.000-07:00

Pope Benedict XVI has just renewed the Church's ban on contraception, proclaiming it to "deny the beauty of conjugal love." (And who would be more qualified to pass judgment on conjugal love than a celibate priest?)

Good Catholics will continue relying on mathematics for birth control, but must avoid chemistry and physics.

The Great Debate

2010-10-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

Alaska's senatorial race is in the home stretch. I just watched a debate between the candidates and was left with these impressions:

Lisa looked and sounded like a meth-cranked fugitive from a bulimia clinic caught in the headlights of an on-rushing 18-wheeler. My God! If this is what running a write-in campaign does to a person, no one should mess with it.

Scott looked and sounded like someone you'd want to sit down and have 10 or 12 beers and a couple foot-long, double-bacon-cheeseburgers with. He should invite Lisa.

Joe looked like a cross between Pee Wee Herman and Bela Lugosi, and sounded like someone running for student council president in1953. States Rights? Creationism? Joe must have thought he was back at Drop Zone Security with his skinhead pals.

I honestly would have to give the debate to McAdams. He was self-assured, knowledgeable on the issues, and, given the company, should have scored big points for just coming across as a normal, decent human being.

If We Truly Have Freedom Of The Press, How Can Any News Be A "Leak"?

2010-10-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

"Patriots always talk of dying for their country but never of killing for their country."
--Bertrand Russell

"Fuck the civilians."
--Richard Nixon

Russell, a mathematician and philosopher, was one of the great minds of the 20th Century. He was a hero of mine and I quote him often.
Nixon was a petty shyster who lied and cheated his way into the presidency and then lied and cheated himself right out of the presidency. I rarely quote him.

The above quote was Nixon's famous reply (to fellow criminal, Henry Kissinger) when told that his bombings in Vietnam and Cambodia were mostly killing civilians.
Given the Pentagon's cover-up of civilian deaths in Iraq exposed by WikiLeaks, I guess that not much has changed since the Nixon days.
The talking heads will continue debating the propriety of the WikiLeaks publications, but my simple question is this:
In an open society, how can revealing the truth ever be a bad thing?

Dear H. K.,

2010-10-26T13:23:00.000-07:00

The bags of you know what are you know where.
Death to Amer . . . I mean, kick some Taliban ass!
--M.A.

My War Effort

2010-10-24T13:32:00.000-07:00

Economists that once estimated the cost of our wars in Iraq and Afghanistan at $3 trillion, have now announced that the true cost is more like $6 trillion.

Let's do some math:
The pentagon claims that we've killed 40,000 bad guys in the Middle East. (Enemy casualties are exaggerated in all wars, but let's be conservative and go with this figure.)
This means that we are spending around $150 million per kill.

Killing one illiterate goat-roper hiding in a cave 8 thousand miles away in a country barely emerged from the Bronze Age who probably couldn't find the U.S. on a map and who poses less of a threat to you and me than a yeast infection--this, according to our leaders, is worth $150 million.

And now we are on the verge of handing the government over to people whose idea of "fiscal responsibility" is to continue funding this insanity by laying off teachers, cutting aid to the elderly and unemployed, and letting Americans go bankrupt to get medical care.

Some say that my anti-war position is unpatriotic. Hey--that $200.00 in income tax I paid this year went to killing .00000135 of one of our enemies.
Don't tell me I don't do my part!

Get "Stupid" For Scott

2010-10-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

"The fundamental cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt."
--Bertrand Russell

Indeed, the intelligent voters of Alaska are currently full of doubt. They are in doubt as to whether a vote for write-in Republican, Lisa Murkowski, or a vote for Democrat, Scott McAdams, is the best way to defeat Tea Party assclown, Joe Miller.

Look: Choosing betweeen Murkowski and Miller is like choosing between testicular cancer and a sucking chest wound. Alaskan progressives (can you believe we live in a country where half the population considers "progressive" to be a negative label?) need to stop over-thinking this problem and become as "cocksure" as our conservative rivals. We need to abandon the lesser-of-two-evils bullshit and simply vote, as usual, for the most progressive candidate.
If we ALL vote for McAdams, he can win. This is our only hope for sending a decent politician instead of a fool to Washington.

Take the leap. DO IT.

"Screw You--You'll Find Out What I'm About After I'm Elected!"

2010-10-19T22:33:00.000-07:00

The arrogance of senatorial candidate, Joe Miller, is truly astounding. The man seems convinced that an endorsement from Sarah Palin and big bucks from Republican fat-cats are all he needs to ensure his election. He is shunning both interviews with the local press and debates with the other candidates. You see, Joe doesn't like people "prying into his affairs." Apparently, no one has explained to him that revealing his affairs is WHAT A FUCKING CANDIDATE DOES--that's how we know who to vote for, Joe. I guess he also hasn't been informed that roughing up journalists isn't good form for someone whose main platform is strict adherence to the Constitution. Isn't there something in there about Freedom of the Press?

Miller's recent endeavors toward self-destruction have given me some hope. A week ago I figured that his election was a slam dunk. Lisa lost her moderate base when she "went rogue" in the primary, and Democrat, Scott McAdams, lurched into the race with the charisma of a stunned halibut.
I believe that Miller's antics have helped McAdams. This affable, down-to-earth candidate is coming across better these days and he certainly has my support.
It would be refreshing for Alaskans to elect a politician that won't become a total embarrassment to the state.

"Aw Shucks, I Get So Embarrassed When Folks Find Out About All The Good My Organization Is Doing"

2010-10-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

What do these organizations have in common?
-Tea Party Express
-Let Freedom Ring
-Americans for Job Security
-Citizens United
-U.S. Chamber of Commerce
-American Crossroads
They are all funding attack ads against Democrat candidates.
They are all officially unaffiliated with a political party and therefore required to disclose neither donors nor amounts donated.
(As of this blog entry, all Democrat attack ads against Republicans have been funded by the Democratic Party and, by law, are subject to full disclosure.)

-Spot Quiz-
The above organizations remain anonymous because:
A.) Their members are shy, humble do-gooders who feel awkward about stepping into the spotlight.
B.) They are special-interest groups that want to keep their identity from the public.

If you answered B.), I hope that you will be voting on Nov. 2nd
If you answered A.), I hope that your limousine breaks down on way to the polling place

"Spending Is Out Of Hand--It's Not All Going To The Military And The Rich"

2010-10-13T07:34:00.000-07:00

These conservative talking heads blathering about "irresponsible spending" are giving me the red ass. They have conveniently forgotten that Dubya, with his phony war and give-aways to the rich, turned the biggest surplus in U.S. history into the biggest deficit.

Here's an idea: How about if all the comfortable, middle-class tea partiers and all of Dubya's rich-made-richer pooled their bucks and donated enough money to bring the treasury back to where it was in 2000.
Then maybe I'd start listening to this bullshit about "irresponsible spending."

Everything's Fine

2010-10-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

Our Republican governor, Sean Parnell (appointed after Sarah abandoned her job), took it upon himself to exclude Alaska from the country's new medical plan. (Nothing like having a non-elected official decide for you that you don't need health care.) Now he has rejected the federal funds offered each state to examine health-insurance practices.
According to Sean, everything is just fine the way it is . . . Yes, unless you're one of the 115,000 Alaskans without health insurance.

I'd like Sean to be with one of his uninsured constituents when he receives a $100,000.00 bill for a week's hospitalization so he can tell him, "Everything's fine."

Dear Mr. Party,

2010-10-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the input. My staff is analyzing your recommendations and will be forming a committee to form a committee to investigate the team that is investigating our policies in Afghanistan that are currently being explored by the team assembling actuarial tables reflecting the percentages of voters for and against the war in light of the outcome of our inquiries into . . .
We'll get back to you.

Sincerely,
Barack Obama
Not Really Oval But More Like A Hyperbolic Ellipse Office
White (grayish with hints of burnt-umber) House
Washington, D.C.

P.S. Would you mind sending the Pentagon the exact co-ordinates of your "pad"?

Dear President Obama,

2010-10-07T17:36:00.000-07:00

Hey man, I'm really digging this whole retro thing, like the phony war that no one wants, supporting a corrupt puppet government, putting down war protesters, but where's the chicks in mini-skirts? Where's the love-ins, be-ins, and happenings? And, man, you got the music all wrong. Where's Jimi, Janice, Jerry? Me and you got to sit down, roll us up a fatty, and I'll help you get your shit together. But, like, what goes around comes around, so we got to hurry up before this war trip starts harshing your gig.
Peace love,

Les Party
My Own Head, California

Dear Joe Miller,

2010-10-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

I love your plan to shit-can Social Security, Unemployment Insurance, and Medicare, but this new bit about leaving Minimum Wage and all those other rules to the states--that's the filling in the Twinkie!
If we can keep those niggers in the South from voting, patriotic conservatives like yourself would stand a better chance. I think we could really boost coal production in Kentucky and West Virginia by putting children to work in those cramped mine shafts. If we could just bust that fucking Garment Workers Union in New York, there are plenty of immigrant women willing to work in sweatshops for peanuts.
It's time we started moving this country FORWARD!

Red Baiter
Trailerview Estates
Wasilla, Alaska

Obama Hands Al-Qaeda Another Victory

2010-10-04T06:42:00.000-07:00

Of all my growing disappointments with the Obama administration, my biggest might be over his support of Bush's wiretap laws and the recent hassling of anti-war groups by the FBI.
Are you shitting me? When the man promised change, I didn't think he meant change back to the paranoid policies of Richard Nixon.
Is there any benefit from these policies that could possibly outweigh the erosion of our civil liberties that American troops in the Middle East are supposedly fighting to protect?

At Last: A Plan For Victory In Afghanistan

2010-10-02T06:26:00.000-07:00

Let's do some math: The population of Afghanistan is 30 million. Now, if we could use our irritating presence there to encourage just one suicide bombing per day, producing a modest 10 deaths, I have calculated (allowing for Afghanistan's annual growth rate of 1%/year) that in 8,200 years the entire Afghan population would be eliminated--the country will have committed suicide. Our problems with Afghanistan would finally be over.
Yes, it seems like a long time, but I believe that this might really be faster than our current strategy of . . . of . . . Oh, that's right, we don't have a strategy.

Abusing people for fun and Prophet:
The Taliban are mere thugs using religion as an excuse to mistreat women and bully the general public. (Imagine that!) I genuinely feel for the people suffering at their hands. But as long as countries like Afghanistan are run by corrupt greedheads who deny their citizens jobs, education, and security, nothing is going to change.
50,000 American troops roaming the Afghan mountains and occasionally killing a few bad guys isn't going to change anything either.

"Doh!"

2010-09-30T13:26:00.000-07:00

There's been talk lately about negotiating with the insurgents in Afghanistan.
Let's see how that might go:
"We will remove all American troops from your country if you will promise not to attack American troops in your country."
"Okay."
"There, I guess we showed them . . . Hey, wait a minute . . .

Generally, in a negotiation, both sides agree to give up something. The U.S. invaded Afghanistan. The Afghans have done nothing to the U.S. What the hell would they give up? What?

"Defending" America

2010-09-29T06:18:00.000-07:00

The Defense Department was first called the War Department. I think it's time we restored the original name.
What has the Defense Department defended us against lately--some impoverished peasants in Vietnam, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Chile, Iraq? The vicious hordes of Grenada? GRENADA? I can't even find the fucking place on a map. Now we're being defended against a bunch of illiterate goatherds with antique weapons lurking in the remote mountains of Afghanistan.

I say, we bring back War Department. What does this agency do but keep us in constant, useless wars?
And here, here's really the best part--when America was actually attacked, our "expert" assclowns in the Pentagon with their trillion-dollar budgets couldn't defend us against 19 civilians armed with 79-cent box-cutters.

This country would be safer if we paid the Defense Department a few billion dollars each year to do nothing.

A Reward For Not Supplying All 19?

2010-09-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

Our foreign policy supposedly centers upon;
1.) Spreading democracy
2.) Fighting terrorism
Accordingly, the president has just proposed the biggest arms sale in U.S. history (60 billion worth of jet fighters and helicopters) to Saudi Arabia:
1.) A monarchy with one of the worst human rights records on the planet
2.) The country that supplied 15 of the 19 9/11 conspirators, and that is currently active in spreading terrorist ideology throughout the Middle East

And we wonder why America's credibility around the world is shrinking.

Is there a better case for developing alternative energy sources than our embarrassing dependence on a feudal relic like Saudi Arabia?

Thinking The Unthinkable

2010-09-26T09:20:00.001-07:00

Maybe it's because I'm an Alaskan, but whenever I hear speculation about Sarah Palin running for president I wonder . . . Does she know it's a 4 year commitment?

The Greatest Lie Ever Told The American People (Again):

2010-09-24T07:47:00.001-07:00

"If we don't fight them there, we'll have to fight them here."

Did our wars in Korea, Vietnam, and Latin America prevent hordes of Communists from invading America? No. Only an insane person would claim that such a threat existed.
Did these wars cause millions to be killed, maimed, tortured, and made homeless with absolutely no benefit to the American public? Yes.

Every day that our troops are in Afghanistan al-Qaeda grows stronger, our puppet government grows weaker, and resentment against the U.S. increases.
A gang of fanatics in Afghanistan is no more a threat to us than were the freedom fighters of Vietnam or Chile.
If the aim of our military is homeland security, bring the troops home where their organization and expertise can actually be used to guard the nation--instead of endangering it further by creating more enemies.
We have to STOP THE INSANITY NOW.

I Guess She's A Moderate Again--But Not A Dangerously Extreme Moderate

2010-09-22T07:50:00.001-07:00

The Alaskan political scene has never been more comical.
When Lisa Murkowski ran in the Republican primary against right-wingnut, Joe the Wannabe Senator, it was strictly a battle over who could be more conservative than thou. Moderate Lisa suddenly sounded like Sarah Palin.
Joe, backed by the Palin/Tea Party Express, won. Now Lisa has kicked off her write-in campaign by calling Joe a "dangerous extremist."
Amazing! In her say-anything, whatever-it-takes frenzy to keep her job, Lisa finally got something right.

(For those unfamiliar with candidate Joe Miller: The man opposes every environmental law in the book. He wants to abolish all entitlements including Social Security and Unemployment Insurance, has declared global warming a hoax, and will not deny being a "birther.")

Embarrassment?

2010-09-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

The resistance to that Muslim cultural center in Manhattan might be better understood if you consider that the proposed Twin Tower Memorial has remained essentially, for nine years, a hole in the ground.
I guess it would be embarrassing to see a monument to Islamic culture completed before the monument to our own.

"Come On-- We're Allowed To Vote Ourselves Raises, Why Not Tax Breaks?"

2010-09-18T06:57:00.000-07:00

Concerning the current tax debate in Washington: Maybe all senators and congressmen earning over 250K/year should be excused from voting on this issue.
Isn't voting to keep a tax break for yourself a conflict of interest?

It's YOUR Mess We're Cleaning Up--And, No, We Don't Like It Either

2010-09-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

I just turned my radio off in disgust.
To all the tea-party assclowns who are screaming mad about government bail-outs: These bail-outs are like abortions-- no one really wants them, but sometimes they're needed.
If you don't like the present administration's efforts to straighten out the economy, you should have thought of that when you voted for George Bush and his millionaire cronies who spent 8 years raiding the wealth of this nation to line their own pockets.

Maybe It's Time To Ask For A Raise

2010-09-14T03:08:00.000-07:00

Well, it's back to work again with my solidly Republican carpentry crew. Someone has a radio and it seems like I've been listening all day to House Minority Leader Boehner blathering about tax cuts for folks making over 250K/year.

I make a point of never discussing wages with my co-workers, but as they are all supporters of Boehner and his cronies, I'm beginning to wonder if I've seriously missed the boat somewhere--if everyone else is making a hell of a lot more money than me.
Let's see now: To make 250K I'd need an hourly wage of . . . .

Just Crazy Enough It Might Work!

2010-09-13T06:44:00.000-07:00

I was glad to hear the president express his desire to improve relations with the Islamic world.
Let's see now, how can we do that . . . ? Hey, here's an idea: What if we ended our invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan. You think that would help? You think?

Read This Blog Or I'll Start Killing Puppies--Cute Ones! Available For Interviews, Radio And TV Appearances, 24/7

2010-09-10T13:47:00.001-07:00

Once again, I have to blame the media for the Florida Koran-burning "crisis." Of all the people in this country that could be granted their 15 minutes of fame, you pick this mororn?
Rev. Jones uses the terms "Muslim" and "terrorist" interchangeably. Because of all the mass-media coverage, Muslims around the world will now use "American" and "ignorant cracker" interchangeably. Thanks!

"Hey Gang, If That's Fun, On December 7th We Could Smash Windows At Sushi Bars"

2010-09-08T06:10:00.000-07:00

To the Florida "patriots" who want to burn Korans on 9/11:
Why not make the gesture a true symbol of your views by tossing a copy of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution into the fire too?

And you could get some blond-haired, blue-eyed children to march, maybe pipe in some Wagner, and . . .

"It's Easier To Rob By Setting Up A Bank Than By Holding Up A Bank"--Bertolt Brecht

2010-09-07T03:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a few numbers are worth more than a thousand words:
In the past decade, wages in America have increased 3%. The price of a home has increased 21%.

If These Were The Good Old Days You Would Probably Be Starving, Crippled, Or Dead

2010-09-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

To Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, and all the other ignorant assclowns who want to go back to the "Good Old Days": THERE WERE NO GOOD OLD DAYS--unless maybe you you were a rich, white, male for whom it's always been a good day.
But what if you were a poor black farmer working 16 hours a day for a wealthy landowner? What if you were a maid who after a hard day's labor was told she had to stand at the back of the bus? What if you were an American citizen who was expected to fight and die for his country but was barred from hotels, restaurants, and washrooms? What if you paid taxes but were not allowed to vote? What if you were a Japanese or Aleut American thrown out of his home and put into a camp? What if you were a victim of polio or diphtheria? What if you were a resident of Dresden or Hiroshima? What if . . .

You never have to wonder when the "good old days" were. They're today--always have been, always will be. No society has ever benefited from going backwards. Period.

Working Man Blues

2010-09-02T08:02:00.000-07:00

I'm back at work, and again I am pained by all the blue-collar Republicans. So many young workers who know nothing of the labor movement in this country. They don't know that their good wages, hours, and benefits were all won by unions--unions that, for the most part, were supported by progressive Democrats and resisted by the conservative Republicans they keep voting into office.
As always, I try to educate my co-workers. It's not easy--especially with right-wing mass-media hucksters turning their heads. But, as always, I meet with some success. I'm done with marching and fighting in the street, but in my quiet, plodding way I have the satisfaction that I'm still fighting the good fight. What else can I do?

No Way

2010-08-31T17:42:00.000-07:00

I was glad to see Obama honor his commitment to withdraw combat troops from Iraq with dignity. This was war, people died. They will continue to die.
I suppose he could have flown in on an Air Force jet amidst giant flags and patriotic posters, and blathered about our supposed "accomplishments" in Iraq. But of course, there's no way any American leader could be dumb enough to pull something like that.

Backwards Ho!

2010-08-30T06:52:00.000-07:00

Concerning Glenn Beck's Washington shit-show:
At least the man has finally displayed some honesty. To quote this king of the reactionary assclowns own words, "I want to bring America back to what it was."
What exactly would you bring back, Glenn?
Segregation? Child labor? Lynching? Exclusionary immigration laws? 12-hour work days? Black lung? Sweat shops? Back-alley abortions? Genocide? Usury? Mysogyny? Amos'an'Andy? Hymie 'an'Abie? "No Irish Need Apply"? Minstrel shows? Blackface? Indentured servitude? Sharecropping? Company stores? Religious quotas? KKK? Monopolies? Censorship? Blacklisting? McCarthyism? Rats in sausage? Tapeworms in diet pills? Burning rivers? . . . .

Speaking Of Drugs . . .

2010-08-29T08:55:00.000-07:00

If the Chilean government doesn't send those trapped miners all the pot and whatever other drugs they want, it should be tried for crimes against humanity.

With Legal Drugs, Would 30,000 People Per Yaer O.D.? And Who Gives A Shit If They Did?

2010-08-28T09:37:00.000-07:00

The solution to the drug violence in Mexico and along the Mexican-American border is obvious: Legalize the goddamn drugs!
That this has not at least been tried strikes me as absolute proof that the Mexican government and "honest businessmen" on both sides of the border are profitting by the illegal drug trade.

30,00 deaths in the gang wars this year--many of them innocent victims killed in their own homes. What could legalizing drugs possibly produce that is worse than the present situation?

For Starters . . .

2010-08-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

There's a head game I like to play. I pretend that I have just landed here from another world and am making fresh observations on the human race. Judging by the current state of things, I belive that my first two recommendations would be:
1.) Legalize drugs
2.) Outlaw religion

Hey, There's No Commandment Against Water-Boarding--So It Must Be All Right

2010-08-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

I love it. Obama is being taken to task by many because he doesn't make a public spectacle of his religious beliefs.
George W. Bush started one of the phoniest wars of all time in which thousands were needlessly killed, maimed, and tortured. But he goes to church every Sunday, so he is considered by good Christians to be a righteous man.

Obama doesn't go to church. Therefore, clearly he is a heathen.

"Praise Allah, The Flood Didn't Damage Any Missiles. Pass The Grass."

2010-08-24T06:15:00.000-07:00

One of our supposed allies, Pakistan, is currently experiencing an immense natural disaster. Its leadership is so corrupt and uncaring that millions of Pakistani flood victims have no food or water. What they do have plenty of is: Nuclear Missiles.

Pakistan's former president, Ali Bhutto, famously proclaimed, "We'll get the bomb if my people have to eat grass."
Now they scarcely have that. And the U.S. will lead the world in coming to Pakistan's aid while its government officials sit on their hands in their mansions. They know that fear of Muslim extremists taking advantage of the crisis will ensure our help.

These are our "friends" in the Middle East.

"I Pledge Allegiance . . . . . . With Liberty For Some And Guns For All"

2010-08-22T08:23:00.000-07:00

You've just got to sit back and laugh. Our patriotic assclowns have gone from cherry-picking the Bible to cherry-picking the Constitution.
They can read hundreds of pages of Scripture with nothing registering but "homosexuality is a no-no."
Similarly, they can read the entire Constitution and retain only that we have "the right to bear arms." Freedom of speech? Freedom of religion? The Fourteenth Amendment? These can be swept under the rug when convenient. The Second Amendment alone is chiseled in stone for our God-and-Country reactionaries.
These sheep would sacrifice every principle that this country was founded on if the NRA said it was okay.

With Patriots Like These, Who Needs Enemies?

2010-08-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

Well, once again, our conservative "patriots" have become an embarrassment to the country. How can these people not see that denying full religious freedom to American Muslims is another victory for the terrorists? Every time we compromise our own values, they win. The Bush administration handed anti-American terrorists a victory by sanctioning torture--now some of our leaders would hand them another victory by forsaking the Bill of Rights.
It's hard to believe that Newt Gingrich, a presidential hopeful, would actually deny First Amendment rights to some Americans.
American Muslims must be feeling the way German Jews felt during Hitler's rise to power.

Concerning that proposed mosque in Manhattan, it's certainly a relief to see that Obama has ignored political pressure and taken the high road.

Bring Back The Draft, Establish A "War Tax"--Let's See Who Really Wants War

2010-08-16T07:02:00.000-07:00

I am still disturbed by all those goddamn I Support The Troops stickers.
My attitude can best be illustrated by an experience I had way back at the start of the Iraq war. Some neighbors came to me with the idea of erecting an I Support sign. My response was: "Okay, what do you propose we do to support the troops." This was greeted with blank stares. Apparently, what they proposed doing was erecting a sign.
It seemed to me then and still does now that any such advertisement should have to be earned. In other words, if you claim to support the troops, you should have to actually do something to support the troops: Enlist in the military, join the Red Cross, take a 2nd job in a defense plant, give blood, donate money, send care packages, volunteer with the USO--something.

How will we ever stop our involvement in these insane, unwinnable wars if the only "sacrifice" most Americans need to make is sticking a fucking ribbon on the family car?

Dear Press Secretary Gibbs,

2010-08-15T06:18:00.000-07:00

I would love to vote for Dennis Kucinich. The man is brilliant and possibly the only true progressive in Washington. I hope he runs for president again. If Kucinich were in the White House, I doubt that we'd have to deal with arrogant assholes like yourself.
Sincerely,
A progressive Democrat who is beginning to seriously wonder why he should support the present administration in the next election.

Future Candidates Vow Not To Pull Out

2010-08-11T06:31:00.000-07:00

The news that Levi Johnston will be running for mayor of Wasilla is being well received around here. Hopefully, the resourceful Mr. Johnston has started a proud new Alaskan tradition:
Whoever knocks up one of Sarah Palin's daughters gets to be mayor of Wasilla.

Since Bristol's 2 sisters, Willow and Piper are coming of age (rumors of a 4th sister, Cessna, can't be confirmed) we can rest assured that the jewel of Alaska, Wasilla, should be in good hands for years to come.